Hi everybody. this is my SOP that I should submit it tomarow, would you please look at it and write your comments about it and my writing mistakes.
Thank you very much
Your statement of purpose will be carefully considered by program admission committees to rank your application. Be as specific as possible about your research interests and qualifications. If you have particular reasons for choosing Northwestern, be sure to indicate them.
I, XYZ, am a holder of Master of Science (2008) and Bachelor of Science (2005) in Mechanical Engineering, Manufacturing and Production, from ABC, one of the most prominent universities in Iran. My long career objective is to pursue a research career, either as a faculty member or an industry researcher, and graduate study at Northwestern University would be an important first step toward this goal.
My goal of pursuing my education toward a PhD degree is to gain much more knowledge and experiences for facing independently with problems in Mechanical Engineering. Working in a world leading research center, along with teaching in an academy, is my future plan, for which a PhD degree from a world class university is a basic requirement. It is my dream to have my own contributions to the development of science and I will do my best for it.
My interest in Mechanical Engineering dates since my high-school years when I found I am very interested in physics, mathematics, mechanism according to physics laws and manufacturing processes. In fall 2001, I was admitted to the Department of Mechanical Engineering of ABC, an institute highly reputed nationwide for its excellent engineering programs, and famed for being very hard university - to get high Gpa - especially in B.Sc. I was among the top 0.25% of those 450,000 who were competing for the university entrance exam in 2001. During my B.Sc, along with learning the basics, I was introduced to and have subsequently become proficient in the use of a number of software packages like AutoCAD, Mastercam, Abaqus and Matlab as well as increasing my English technical writing and communication skills.
In 2005 I was ranked 68 among 7000 participants on the mechanical engineering graduate study entrance exam in my country. During the last year of my M.Sc., I had an opportunity to cooperate with *** Co. - the largest steel complex in the Middle East - that exposed me to a world-class in the Mechanical Engineering world and since 2009 I am a member of Research & Development division for design and production of petrochemical pumps and valves in the *** engineering group in Iran. For the past year I have been in charge of several projects related to design of new products and new processes and because of designing a multistage centrifugal processes pump based on API 610 standards and a type of needle valve, I am nominated for the "Exemplary Young Engineer Award" in my country. Also since my graduation I have been a guest lecturer in ***. I am teaching such courses as the Advanced Manufacturing Methods, Statics and Strength of Materials.
My rich academic background and research experiences in my M.Sc and after that and being one of the best students during my M.Sc. and Bs.c levels encourage me to pursue my studies in Doctoral level. My M.Sc. thesis was about *** which resulted in five published papers in international and national conferences and gives me the chance to be a reviewer of ***. Over my studying career I took a variety of courses to choose my researching subject wisely. Although being among top students in different courses and some times not related to each other- Strength of materials, Metal forming analysis, Advanced CNC machines, Electro-physical phenomena (special machining), Industrial production systems, ...- could be a convincing reason to not restrict myself in selection of studying projects, I prefer to pursue my studies in Manufacturing and Design, and Nano and Micro scale Manufacturing and generally I have a preference to work on a combination of theoretical and experimental researches.
In 2008 my paper "***)" accepted in ***, held in Northwestern University. although because of lack of time I missed the conference and of course a great opportunity to visit your university, it was a good motivation to review your institute's website very carefully. I have gathered that a considerable amount of research is being done in Mechanical Department and in your research groups and a number of renowned faculty members are working on the research frontiers of Mechanical Engineering. I found myself quite interested in your program. In addition, upon the consultations that I had with my M.Sc. supervisor, a number of faculty members of ABC and some PhD students studying in the United States, I concluded that the graduate program at your department would suit my interests very well. It would be my privilege to work with such renowned researchers, and contribute something useful to Mechanical Engineering.
I am fully aware of the hard work and perseverance required for a successful career in graduate study and I look forward to join Department of Mechanical Engineering of Northwestern University as a PhD student.
I'm so sorry you did not get any help in time for the deadline. It is because we have so many essays to correct as deadlines approach. Yours got lost in the ocean of essays.
I think you do not need your name in the first line:
I XYZ am a holder of Master of Science (2008) and ...
My long career objective is to pursue a research career, either as a faculty member or an industry researcher-----This is not a goal. This is something you are about to do. Your goal is different. I think this essay is impressive, and your qualifications are also impressive, but I want to share with you this insight about the "goal." The goal should be something I could make a movie about... it should be a concept that is interesting and inspirational. The reader does not care about the work you will do; the reader of something you write can only get herself to be interested in an intriguing concept.
Gpa GPA
As I continue to read, I cannot find any interesting concept in this essay. Clearly, you are very intelligent and accomplished, but as a writer I want to share with you the insight that will make a reader feel a real experience, real emotion and interest. You should focus this essay a bit more on the same concepts covered in one of your papers. The concept you care most about is the one that defines you, and that is what will inspire the reader. Talk about that key concept at both the beginning and the end.
:-)
