Hi!
the essay calls for "statement of academic and research interest/goals statement." i would like a critique on my essay and how i could better tweak it...
"Whatever you do, don't stop talking-it'll help people one day..."
As a lead peer mediator in high school, one of my responsibilities was to teach incoming freshman about verbal and non verbal communication and how it relates to conflict resolution. Teachers were to sit in the back of the classroom and observe. Mr. Sanges, an English teacher, always sat silently and unsmiling, to which I had a difficult time interpreting. Unlike most teachers that observed me, he never counseled or advised me concerning my classes-he instead would write in a flimsy notepad, nod his head, and dismiss me once I completed the lesson.
Embarking upon the completion of senior year at our Awards Ceremony, I received a medal of honor from Judge Glenda A. Hatchett in Public Speech-recommended by Mr. Sanges. I can remember his quoting from the pages of that notepad recalling classroom moments and parts of various speeches I gave to the students. He told me that whatever profession I was to choose, he was certain that it would be within the communications field; he believed I have a "knack for communicating with others." Although I was entering college with intentions on becoming a television broadcaster, my ultimate goal was to reach others through the gift of communication.
In the midst of obtaining my degree in Broadcast Journalism, I decided to take a few courses within communication sciences and disorders. Courses in Phonetics and Intro to Articulation and Language Disorders ignited a growing desire to study speech-language pathology. Upon graduating Cum Laude from Howard University, I chose to further delve into the discipline, becoming a Special Education teacher through a regional teacher's corps, Teach In Virginia. I wanted to learn more about the role of a speech pathologist within the education system. There, I found that working in the education sector did not give me the sense of fulfillment I craved-I became more adamant towards helping others therapeutically.
I learned that I want to combine my journalism background and my prospective field of study, conducting research and contributing to medical journals. I would like to gain knowledge in regards to Otolaryngology because I feel that further research in Speech Therapy may be productively combative and less invasive with cancer patients, thus optimizing communication skills and swallowing function during and after cancer treatment. I'm also attracted to Corporate Speech-Language in that I find the assessment and training of speech conducive to maximum efficiency in the workplace.
I am anxious and excited in my forthcoming advancement of my academic pursuit, as I am committed to the promotion and encouragement of collaborative endeavors in academic, research, and clinical learning environments. With the tools and academic guidance your university offers, I believe I can position myself within a career that truly helps those in need.
Greetings!
I'm happy to offer some suggestions on your excellent essay!
Mr. Sanges, an English teacher, always sat silent and unsmiling, which I had a difficult time interpreting. (You could also say "silently and unsmilingly," but they need to match.)
Although I was entering college with the intention of becoming a television broadcaster, my ultimate goal was to reach others through the gift of communication.
Special Education teacher through a regional teachers' corps, Teach In Virginia.
I am anxious and excited - "anxious" implies anxiety; perhaps "eager" would be better?
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
