Hi, thank you all for the responses
"Why you wish to coonduct this programme abroad and/or in the Netherlands in particular"
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The reason why I choose to study abroad is to extend my horizon especially that will add benefits regarding my major. In my opinion, Europe has got beautiful cities with fantastic environment. A good management in its environment acts as a leading point in mantaining its problems integratedly. Several cities in Malaysia have a similar geographic characteristic, for example Kuching and Rotterdam. Both cities are located in delta area, that has a lot of water from the river banks and has to deal with the sea flood. Despite its geographical condition, Netherland has also a huge density, a problem that also occurs in Malaysia. I have never been to Netherland, but a lot of people thinks that Netherland is a good example of a country who is capable in solving their problems. I want to learn the system of management in Netherland and Europe, including knowing about their regional characteristic, so when I came back to Malaysia, it could be implemented in my country.
Do you have a word limit? You should talk more about the program itself and why it should be done abroad. As it stands you really only describe why you want to go to the Netherlands but not why you want to conduct the program. You could go on vacation any time for a myriad of different reasons but the reader will want something more specific. What about this program do you think makes it essential that it take place in the Netherlands? Relate all this back to the program itself and I think you could really expand on the things you have said more and make this thing a little longer. Good luck!
thanks Gautama. actually i have to make numbers of topics and this is a part of the whole essay. i've made word limit for every topic. what i need is grammar feedback from this paragraph
The reason why I choose to study abroad is to expand my horizons, especially those that will add benefits regarding my major.
In my opinion, Europe has got beautiful cities and a fantastic environment.
A good management of its environment acts as a leading point in maintaining its problems (?) integratedly.(not a word)...o.k. this sentence needs to be revised.
Several cities in Malaysia have a similar geographic characteristics , for example Kuching and Rotterdam.
Both cities are located in a delta area that has a lot of water from the river banks and has to deal with the sea flood.
Despite its geographical condition, the Netherlands has also a huge density, a problem that also occurs in Malaysia.
I have never been there, but a lot of people thinkthe Netherlands is a good example of a country that is capable of solving its problems.
I want to learn the system of management in the Netherlands and Europe, including knowing about their regional characteristics , so when I come back to Malaysia, their methods could be implemented in my country.
I hope this helps!!
:)
[/b]The reason why I choose to study abroad is to extend my horizons, especially in ways that will be benificialfor my chosen major. In my opinion, Europe has got beautiful cities with fantastic environments.
---This sentence is somewhat confusing---
A good management in its environment acts as a leading point in mantaining its problems integratedly.
---Do you mean a good "manager?" In this case the manager would be the "leading person" instead of point. A manager would deal with problems instead of maintaining them. Also what do you mean by "integratedly"? Perhaps revise this sentence to say something like this:
"A good manager acts as the leading person in dealing with problems that arise and maintaining a suitable environment."
---Maybe you should just cut this sentence out or totally rewrite it because I still don't understand how it relates to the essay---
Several cities in Malaysia have a similar geographic characteristics, for example Kuching and Rotterdam are both located near a delta area ,Therefor theythathave a lot of water from the river banks and have to deal with the sea flood. Despite its geographical condition, theNetherlandsalso has a huge population, a problem that also occurs in Malaysia. I have never been to the Netherlands, but a lot of people think that it is a good example of a country that is capable in solving it's own problems. I want to learn the systems of management in the Netherlands and Europe, including knowing about their regional characteristics, so when I come back to Malaysia, they could be implemented in my country.
