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"My high school, my second home"


KurekoHikari 4 / 8 4  
Aug 26, 2020   #1
Prompt:

Briefly describe the culture of your school community and your involvement within it.


What impact has the school culture had on you? How would you enhance or change it?

If I had to choose one word to describe my school's culture, it would be family.

My school was also my second home. Though cliche, but this is the exact feeling of every HNEUers. When first walking the halls of HNEU, I was baffled by the new environment, but I soon felt right at home due to the warm welcome I received.

In the beginning, the upperclassmen volunteers would enthusiastically come to our class everyday to show us more about the school, or simply just hanging out. As an introvert, this left a deep impression in my heart, so much so that, despite my shy-self, I joined the volunteer team as I entered my final year, hoping to provide the same guidance to the juniors the way our seniors did for us.

HNEU has something for everyone. The school's diverse array of clubs granted students an opportunity to pursue their interests, whatever they might be, as well as network with like-minded individuals. A former member of ECLUB, I dedicated my efforts to aiding students in need of improving their English.

Overall, my experience here allowed me to overcome my barriers and mature into a more confident person, making precious memories and relationships along the way. I suppose if there were any changes to be made, I would fight for the proposition that the school established a program connecting alumni, present and future students, as there is much we could learn from each other while sharing the roof of HNEU.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,531 2963  
Aug 26, 2020   #2
The essay is a bit too superficial in presentation. There is no impact to the description you provided. Though you spoke of the upperclassmen and the like, you failed to indicate a particular person, group, or moment during your time at the school that could be defined as character building or memorable in a way. The events you speak of could describe any school in the world. It doesn't make the community in your school stand out as one that would have had a direct influence in the character that you developed during your time as a student. You need to better analyze the community of your school in relation to your development from child to young adult and future leader. The cultural impact is not seen in your writing. You need to establish the need for change and your proposal for the change along with the influence the community had on you, what you see as the negative of the community, why you believe it is a negative and, why changing it would be beneficial to students such as yourself. Do not use a shallow reason such as a alumna network in this instance. Go for a deeper community consideration.


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