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'increase the diversity of class' - personal statement for Master of Public Health

cakecat 1 / -  
Mar 26, 2012   #1
Please help me to correct my essay and give me advice to make it better. Thanks!!

The global outbreak of SARS developed quickly and dramatically in 2003. In my country, Taiwan, a lapse in infection control in a hospital resulted in the outbreak, which had been under good control up until that point. According to WHO, Taiwan was the last area to be removed from the list of areas with recent local transmission of SARS. When SARS spread to Taiwan, it was the first time that I heard about public health. I sensed that public health played an important role in the medical system because SARS taught us that a single case is capable of causing an outbreak. Moreover, I believe that to prevent a disease is better than to cure it, and public health performs a more active role in prevention than medical treatment does. After better understanding public health, I realized that it is not only multidisciplinary, but encompasses everything - public health touches our lives every day in so many ways in order to keep people healthy and safe. For these reasons, I chose public health as my major in college.

I planned a health education project about tuberculosis (TB) with my group when I interned at Hualien County Health Bureau. It was a very special experience because we planned this health education program for inmates in the local jail. I was nervous to go to the jail and to educate people about how to prevent TB and what they should do if they contracted TB. The difficulty that we face was we had to be professional to introduce the concept of TB, and yet were still very approachable. We prepared role play to present TB's health education. In doing so, people learn about TB easier. Each person had different major subject in our group, such as nursing, medicine, and public health. We did wonderful team- work to display interdisciplinary collaboration. It was significant experience to accomplish this project.

In addition, I also assisted in implementing Tuberculosis DOTS programs; I visited TB patients in their residences, watched them take the medicine, followed-up on their cases, and reported to TB surveillance systems. One of patients who I was visited is an aged. He was an active TB patient who does not take medicine regularly. As we know, TB treatment usually lasts at least 6 months and sometimes as long as 12 months. Patients require patience succeed treatment. We were worried about him because a patient may have drug-resistant TB if their do not take medicine for the right amount of time. The aged lived with family include three generations. I found out that he did not care about himself, but his grandchildren. Thus, I talked to him if he really cared about his grandchildren; he had better take medicine to prevent transmission to them. Since that time he would like to take medicine. I appreciated he was persuaded, and followed the medication. It was a meaningful experience to go into community and teach public health, and it inspired my passion to be a practitioner of public health.

I have been an effective communicator and a class representative in college. To held many triumphant actives such as management seminar in 2005. There had 23 local businesses were willing to be a sponsor.

In my undergraduate program, the beginning was very challenging, but I am happy that I made great progress during four years and got an opportunity to write a thesis. This thesis investigated the relationship between children's BMI and sleep, movement, life pressure, diet, and their parents' BMI and other risk factors. The topic of research was "Risk Factors Related to Child Obesity among Elementary School Students from Fourth Grade to Six Grade in Hualien City." From the development of questionnaires, data collection, data entry, and statistical analysis to presentation, there were some difficulties that I had to face. In fact, to communicate with elementary schools, to persuade them to participate in my research, to use SPSS for the first time to analyze data, all of the things were new challenges for me. Ultimately, my research received Outstanding Thesis Award, and published on campus. This experience expanded my interest in public health research.

After I graduated, I worked at hospital as a research assistant. It was a challenging opportunity to utilize knowledge that I gained from my undergraduate training. The research I conducted was about carpal tunnel syndrome a kind of occupational diseases. During this time, I became proficient in the use of SPSS because I had to analyze data and conduct analyses. Furthermore, I took active attitude to improve my ability in biostatistics by participating in some seminars and courses about biostatistics held by the SPSS Taiwan Corporation.

I had to read vast articles and write a brief literature review since I was a research assistant. During almost two years work, confirmed my growing interest to be a researcher. However, I realized that I did not have a thorough background in research. It is obvious that a Master's program in Public Health is most appropriate for me in further facilitating my career development.

After completing my masters program, I hope to work at non-profit organization. In Taiwan, society does not attach much weight to public health and many people do not know what public health is, even though public health is all around us. Thus, I also would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. This degree would enable me to receive a teaching career and teach college students. Public health, it's our health. I hope that my research can provide evidence and a force for developing appropriate health policies and programs. Moreover, I wish to ultimately use my experiences gained from attending XXX University to help people to change their harmful behaviors, and help them avoid exposure to environmental risk. All motivated by a desire to help people lead healthier lives, my passion for public health provides me with energy to contribute to XXX School of Public Health program and society.

Students not only can take advantage of the XXX University affiliate relationship with five large teaching hospitals, and state and local health departments by participating in collaborative research projects, but also have the opportunity to conduct real-world research when pursuing a degree. The XXXSchool of Public Health offers students a professional environment because of renowned faculties and plenty resources. I am certain that the XXXXXX will provide me with the skills and platform necessary to take the next step in my career. Having been employed by the hospital, and interacting with a large number of patients so that I believe I will increase the diversity of class discussions and widen the scope of research for XXXSchool of Public Health.

joonghoon5 3 / 9  
Mar 28, 2012   #2
It's very good! I liked it. Actually got me interested about a public health program.
This essay could be improved if you proofread it few more times and correct some grammar errors here and there. I see them more often as the paragraphs continue.

Also, maybe starting with why you would fit into the program you are applying to in the beginning of the essay might tie things better than introducing the concept in the last paragraph. I kinda felt rushed. Good job!

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