Hi, I would really appreciate any feedback on this letter of intent I have written for admissions to a Masters of Public Health program. I am applying to a few different schools but all are looking for my interests in pursuing the MPH at their school, and to describe how the program fits within my overall personal and professional goals. Also it should identify how I will use the skills and knowledge from my work and educational experiences towards achieving my goals, as well as demonstrating an understanding of the public health field. Any feedback is much appreciated!!
Letter of Intent
"... I am committing myself to a career in which I would be continually learning, growing, and actively doing something tangible to help those who truly need support." This was the concluding line from another letter of intent, written by my younger self, which helped to start my career as a radiation therapist. Today, I find myself returning to this sentiment and realizing that its essence has not changed. I have been fortunate to directly care for many individuals from a diverse population of patients that struggle with a cancer diagnosis. However, I recognize the limitations of my efforts. In a typical day where I may treat 20 breast cancer patients, approximately 475 more Canadians are diagnosed with some form of cancer. How many of these people were educated about lifestyle choices and prevention? How many found the cancer early? How many will be survivors, learning how to maintain their quality of life? How many more have not yet seen the benefits of a public health initiative?
My professional experience at the _____ has given me the advantage of experiencing healthcare from an individual patient's perspective, as well as a greater understanding of a provincial public health agency's operations. Along with my patient care responsibilities, I am involved in ongoing mentorship as a preceptor, assessing students' strengths and learning needs while providing guidance. While volunteering as a ___ committee member, I collaborated closely with an interdisciplinary team to plan educational and networking events for my fellow technologists. My interests in public health and collaboration with other disciplines also led me to join a team involved in a emergency response plan for any potentially high risk infections presenting at our center; a particular risk in my discipline due to the high numbers of immune-compromised patients we see every day.
Working in the dynamic environment of cancer care in which life-saving technology and protocols are advancing daily, combined with my strong academic background, has left me with a keen appreciation for evidence-based practice in healthcare. As such, I am currently involved in a research project with the objective of addressing information gaps in patient education and ultimately improving patients' satisfaction and understanding of their upcoming treatment experience. I also had an opportunity recently to provide peer education by delivering an in-service on our center's current advances in a treatment technique. My strong research and communication skills were essential to creating a concise, evidence-based presentation for my peers that contributed to their center's adoption of the technique.
Recently, I was inspired by the words of Jorge Soto, a TED talk speaker, discussing his vision for cancer care of the future: "In the next 10 years, medicine will change forever. It will not be reactive, it will be preventive." Through a Masters of Public Health program, I hope to develop the knowledge and skills necessary to not only identify gaps in public health, but also to critically evaluate, design and implement programs that promote this vision of preventive medicine. I am drawn to ____ because of your focus on communities and collaborations, reputation for research excellence, and skills-based learning environment. With the resources and knowledge your school will provide, I am confident that the intellectual drive, motivation, and interpersonal skills demonstrated in my academic and professional experience will enable me to become a public health professional with the commitment and ability to achieve meaningful change.
Ceekay, first things first, your opening paragraph leaves me, in the position of a reviewer, wondering what it is you are trying to tell me. There is nothing clear about your intention to enroll in MPH within that paragraph. Your opening paragraph does not need to be flowery and call upon the reader to ponder information. It should instead, offer a clear idea of the purpose for your interest in MPH. Don't waste the reviewer's time by presenting information that is public knowledge (475 Canadians have ...) He doesn't need nor is he interested in the lecture. What he is interested in is your intention for enrolling. So give him that. Don't make him look for the information. Offer it up at the very beginning.
Your essay covers a lot of background information about your current work experience. However, I don't really see a direct connection with your interest in MPH. In paragraph 2, you claim that you have an advantage of experiencing healthcare from an individual patient's perspective, including an understanding of the role of a provincial health agency's operations. Yet you do not present any concrete evidence of this. That paragraph would have been improved if, rather than talking about your being a preceptor, you presented evidence of your participation in the experience and understanding of the role of the agency. Present some problems that came to your attention and make a claim that these were the reasons why you decided that you wanted to help change the system by gaining a MPH. These statements will help to better transition your essay into the next paragraph that deals with your interest in research. Which by the way, is a very good touch in the essay. Reviewers like to hear about the type of studies or experiments the students want to undertake. If you can make a clear connection between those interests and the programs or internships of the university and how you plan to utilize both, you will definitely have strengthened your essay even further and provided solid information that a reviewer may just keep in mind when considering admission candidates at the admissions committee level.
Your concluding statement is quite strong. It offers a clear insight into your future plans and the way that you perceive the university as being able to help you develop your skills over the years as a graduate student. Would you be receptive to the idea of having you present a career plan for yourself along with the quote from TED? Reviewers normally expect to read about where you see your career taking you after you complete the masters course. Maybe you will be working for an international health organization or something. Just make sure they know that you have concrete career plans that you are looking forward to. The idea is to show the reviewer how you plan to utilize your degree and how you may be able to change of Public Health Management in the future.
Ceekay, what I noticed with your letter is the length. Letter of intent is usually written to give the university a sneak peak of what you can do, who you are and what your goals are. This letter showcases what you are aiming for but not as detailed as you have in your letter, it's like a CV only written in a formal letter form.
First paragraph which is your introduction is written well, you have firmly stated what your intentions are and what your goals are that strongly supported your application, this continued onto the 2nd paragraph, however, the 3rd paragraph can be tweaked or removed altogether. I'm not saying that they will not be needed but you can save some information for the following essays with regards to your application, remember some applications will require you not to repeat any information that you have submitted from your pervious essays.
Last and final paragraph, I must say that it's a good closing paragraph but too much information, again, some information might be needed for the next essays. Keep your letter to what it is really meant for, your intention to express your admission to the university in order to achieve your goals and further your knowledge in the specified field.
I hope to see a revised essay and I hope my remarks helped.
@vangiespen: Thank you for your feedback, I found it very useful. I did try to cut out any fluff in the first paragraph and focus on my intentions. In the second paragraph, while I do feel that a lot of the professional activities I am involved in as a therapist are related to public health, unfortunately I did find it difficult to come up with direct experience of participation in agency operations, so I thought it was better to adjust the body of my statement. I hope I was able to incorporate some of your advice into my revised draft.
@justivy03: Thanks also for your feedback. I also was concerned about the length but the requirements for the schools I am applying to are between 500 - 700 words and I am just under 600 now. I did try to avoid copying exactly what is in my CV and instead tried to only choose and highlight relevant experiences to the MPH. I hope the revised draft is more focused on my intentions.
Again, I appreciate your feedback and suggestions! Please see my revised draft below.
Ceekay, I have a suggestion to make. I would like you to try moving up the last paragraph that mentions TED Talk and bring it up as your opening statement. Then, move the existing first paragraph that you have now to the end of the essay, making it your new closing statement.Review the essay for content and relevance to the prompt. I think you will find that doing so will improve the essay content because the basis of your intention and your goals for study are clearly represented and indicated to the reviewer. I sincerely feel that keeping that highly informative statement for the very end of the essay makes it less useful. Mostly because the earlier part of the essay is not as interesting or informative as it should be. You really need that statement at the top to hook the reviewer in.
Paragraphs 2 and 3 are acceptable as work experience but falls short when it comes to the Public Health aspect. Try to present a better description of how these activities relate to Public Health management so that it can be accepted as such by the reviewer. Did I mention that you can actually use that information to make your letter of intent more exciting? These two occupations can serve as the basis of your research study during your tenure as a student. If you can use the work experience to develop a relevant Public Health Management case study idea to the reviewer, he may very well overlook the lack of relevant experience on your part in lieu of your future research that should be aimed at helping to improve the Public Health Management field.
Sometimes, a good and clear letter of intention just requires an imaginative mind to get around and shortcomings of the applicant. By redirecting the attention of the reviewer to your potential research, you will be able to divert his attention from your work related qualifications. If the topic you choose to research, and your explanation as to how the university can help you complete the work is quite good, it often helps to boost your application chances :-)
