'interest in electronics' - SoP for IT MSc Degree

Can someone please critique my SoP strongly - content, arrangement, relevance, etc. No prompt; no instruction. I'll take any advice. Here is it:

I appreciate this opportunity to present my personal statement in support of my application for a graduate degree programme in Information Technology (IT) at <>. IT has increasingly permeated every fabric of modern society, and its applications in many spheres of life are yet to be imagined. Only adequately trained professionals in this field will participate in determining how society is shaped by the power of IT. It is my ultimate desire to be one those professionals.

My interest in electronics started as a child's curiosity, a drive to understand how my electronic toys worked. This impulse spurred me into taking science subjects in high school. In pursuit of my aspiration for a career in electronics, I did not think twice to embrace an opportunity to study electronics and computer at <> when I had it. My experience as an undergraduate was not only challenging but exciting and quite fulfilling. I learned mathematical methods, electronics and software engineering principles thus building a solid foundation for both work and further studies in electronic systems and their applications. With this educational background, I have the courage to seek opportunity, and the confidence that I will perform very well in the field of digital electronics.

At present, I work for <> Limited, an ICT and office automation firm which represents Canon Inc. in <>. One of my duties as a customer engineer is to maintain Canon printers. My day-to-day encounter with the printers stimulates me to learn more about their 'brains'. I intend to know in great detail the electronic system which synchronizes and coordinates all the actions of the printers - how do the chips on the main controller PCB of the printers take input from switches and sensors and instruct the DC controller PCB to rotate a motor, engage a clutch, turn on a laser beam, or display messages on the LCD screen? At <>, my quest would be to find answers to my questions, to expand my knowledge of digital electronics and to acquire important research skills that will stand me in good stead in my future endeavours.

I am a strong believer in personal development. A graduate degree programme in IT at <> is the best path for me to follow for my growth both in terms of my career aspiration and my social progress. With its vibrant community of technology experts whose intense research interests extends from technology through industry to business, <> would offer me an invaluable opportunity to acquire critical and analytical skills to explore digital electronics, specifically embedded computers. The excellent study facilities such as the well-equipped library and the computer laboratory, which hold a strong appeal for me, would be a great incentive to my success. Furthermore, the international perspective of the IT programme would expose me to interaction with people from a variety of scientific and cultural background through which I will learn the collaborative skills that is essential in modern world. I addition, my siblings who are studying in Finland commend the quality of the education they are receiving thus reinforcing my belief in the high standard of education that I would get at <>.

As for my future plans, I intend to take up a design or a research position in industry for a couple of years after my graduation. I think a year or two in industry will help me consolidate the practical and theoretical knowledge that I would get during my graduate education. I also believe that a short spell in industry would help me determine clearly where I would focus in my further studies. Following my industry experience, I would enrol for a doctoral degree. I anticipate a future where I can contribute in industry and also train young talents in university.

Over all, I am aware of the exigencies of graduate degree study more so of the demands of master's degree in IT and I do not underestimate it. However, given the excellent study facilities at <>, my educational background, and my strong determination to succeed, I will earn my MSc degree.

(As it was not stated, I assume you have an undergrad degree in IT.)
Whilst at a glance the SoP reads smoothly, it could use some specifics and personalization:


WHY IS THIS THE BEST PATH, WHAT SOCIAL PROGRESS (as you mention doctorate goals at the end.)


WHAT TECH EXPERTS, WHAT INTENSE RESEARCH INTERESTS WHICH EXTENDS FROM TECH TO BUSINESS ? What, besides embedded computers, is <> renowned for? Any specific profs you want to study or work with? Any Finnish IT co. that particularly impresses you?


IS IT NECESSARY TO REPEAT THE POINT IN TWO SENTENCES?


Your close leaves me half-satisfied. Besides earning the degree, how will you contribute to <>? What makes you the grad student they want to admit?


INaddition

Many thanks Smith. Your advice is well taken. I'm reviewing the essay.