Dear,
I am going to apply for International Master in Entrepreneurship Education and Training (IMEET) programme. I have not too much time because my deadline is close and I would be grateful if you could have a corrective look at my essay and give me a feedback.
The vision of IMEET is to develop and run a unique international learning space targeting learning facilitators in entrepreneurship such as advisors, coaches, consultants, trainers and teachers.
I am sorry for any obvious mistake :D
...
Briefly describe what you expect from the IMEET Programme.
Iran's high inflation and unemployment rate, lack of academic knowledge beside my interest for entrepreneurship, creativity and innovation concepts motivated me to apply for IMEET programme; therefore I look forward that IMEET programme complement and sharpen my academic and practical knowledge on the mentioned arenas to master in the facilitation of entrepreneurship learning and consulting arena.
We live in a changing world, so knowledge of standard situations and the routine ways of dealing them is not sufficient and new ideas are needed to design our way in to the future. I have also recognized that critical thinking is excellent but it is not enough and we need generative, productive and creative thinking so I expect IMEET teach me "what can be" instead of "what is"; And I wish to learn how to instruct constructive thinking.
I know this is hard for many people to imagine themselves as entrepreneurs and be responsible for their own income, especially when they have no experience in doing so; consequently I wish IMEET programme equip me with pedagogical tools for appraising entrepreneurship ideas and business plans and also strengthen my knowledge on situated learning theories as well as innovative methodologies to build an entrepreneurship culture.
I trust the world class learning environment of ASB IMEET programme give me the opportunity to interact with and learn from best professors and participants with different cultures and backgrounds to become skilled at the field of entrepreneurship arena.
I desire the programme focus on different theoretical descriptions of the entrepreneurship process, the phases involved and the process of organizing the entrepreneurial venture.
By doing field work of IMEET in an international environment, I hope to be equipped with methodological ability to carry out practical studies of entrepreneurship learning facilitation to build
I hope team based assignments of IMEET also develop my communication and team work ability.
Finally I hope by attending IMEET can give back to my community.
Hi Zeinab!
Just a few tips to help direct your thinking here:
-While this is a brief short answer question, you still need to get specific. You write:
"I wish IMEET programme equip me with pedagogical tools for appraising entrepreneurship ideas and business plans and also strengthen my knowledge on situated learning theories as well as innovative methodologies to build an entrepreneurship culture."
This needs to be much more unique to the IMEET program. Pinpoint specific components of the curriculum, faculty interests, student organizations, initiatives, anything--just keep it specific. Otherwise, you might as well replace 'IMEET' with any other program name here.
-Avoid sycophantic, unsubstantiated program praise. "World-class" learning environment carries no weight unless you can define exactly what appeals to you about the environment, what makes it so "world-class."
-Flesh out each idea, or don't include it. You write:
"I hope team based assignments of IMEET also develop my communication and team work ability.
Finally I hope by attending IMEET can give back to my community."
Again, these statements carry no real weight unless you support them, and show HOW you plan to give back, and WHY you want to develop teamwork and communication capabilities. What are your goals?
-There are mechanical issues throughout your writing: word choice, syntax, run-on sentences, etc. Be sure to have a native English speaker review your final draft.
Keep going, good work so far!
Best,
Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing
Hi, I made some changes on my essay. Would you review it again?
Briefly describe what you expect from the IMEET Programme.
Iran's high inflation and unemployment rates, lack of knowledge beside my interest for entrepreneurship, creativity and innovation motivated me to apply for IMEET programme; so I expect the programme give me a new and wide perspective on the concepts and role of creativity, innovation and enterprising behavior.
I also expect the IMEET integrate practical experiences with theoretical studies, allowing me to apply my knowledge in actual work.
I know it is hard for many people to imagine themselves as entrepreneurs and be responsible for their own income, especially when they have no experience in doing so; I hope IMEET will expand my skills within entrepreneurship teaching and learning facilitation so I can make an efficient and effective contribution to create a new innovative learning culture.
Moreover, I expect IMEET pedagogical methods enable me to choose effective mode of teaching, appropriate language and responds for any situation as well as increase my Understanding of the audience's requirements and key concerns.
Iran's high inflation and unemployment rates motivated me to apply to the IMEET program, but in addition to that I am driven by my interest in creative and innovative entrepreneurship. I expect IMEET offer me a high quality programme by integrating to integrate practical experiences with theoretical studies, allowing me to apply my theoretical knowledge in actual work. I also expect ______________________. (add at least one more idea... something ore specific.)
I know this it is hard for many people to imagine themselves as entrepreneurs and be responsible for their own income, especially when they have no experience in doing so; then I hope IMEET will expand my skills within entrepreneurship teaching and learning facilitation so I can have make an efficient and effective contribution to create ...
I think you should talk a little about what industry you want to enter... what kind of business? What kinds of products or services?
:-)
Hi!
Thanks EF_Kevin. It is final draft of my essay on:" Briefly describe what you expect from the IMEET Programme." which I sent it again as a new thread. Would you kindly revise it again?
Thank you very much kevin
It's confusing in the beginning to list these various things. I suggest settling the reader's attention on a single idea, like this:
I expect the programme give me a new and wide perspective on the concepts and role of creativity, innovation and enterprising behavior. My motivation to apply comes from my awareness of Iran's high inflation and unemployment rates, my lack of knowledge beside my my interest for entrepreneurship, and my knack for creativity and innovation in business.
Of course, this is just an idea. But I think it's important to avoid starting with a confusing list.
:-)
