Hi everybody!
It is the question:
"If you are a re-applicant to the NUS MBA Programme or its Double Degree programmes, please describe any achievements you have made since your last application."
and it is the essay I have written! would you check it and give me a feedback?
"It is the third year in row I am applying for NUS MBA programme. The last year I was lucky to be shortlisted for the interview but unfortunately, I was not successful. So, I decided to improve my qualifications.
In this regard, I took part in two international conferences. The first one was "Marketing and selling of life insurance policies" in which Kevin Kelly internationally acclaimed motivational speaker on entrepreneurship, leadership, sales, creativity and personal excellence talked in it.
Mr. Mehdi Fakharzadeh one of the most successful insurance agents was another lecturer of the conference. Five members of MDRT (The Million Dollar Round Table) also talked about their experiences and methods of marketing.
The second one was international selling conference. Sylvia Perreault, trainer and coach in proud success, Richard Denny, an inspirational business speaker from UK were two of the lecturers.
These conferences helped me to remember how important the knowledge and dream is in my life. Therefore, I decided to apply for the NUS MBA for the third year to achieve my dream of continuing education in a prestigious university.
My paper, "Marketing of life insurance policies; a practical experience" was accepted in the third national conference of "improvement of Iran Insurance Industry".
To expand my knowledge in the marketing arena, I have started reading
To have a better focus on our department operations and optimize our performance, I am learning SPSS."
Hi Zainab, I'm sorry for the delay!
It is the third year in row I am applying a third time for the NUS MBA programme. Last year I was lucky to be shortlisted for the interview, but unfortunately (no comma necessary here) I was not successful.
After you describe each conference, I think you should give a sentence to tell how they affected your plans for the future... how they influenced you. SO I think a sentence should be added after the description of the first on and also after the description of the second one.
This is too general: These conferences helped me to remember how important the knowledge and dream is in my life. Tell about your specific intentions for the future.
I hope the final draft of this letter will list at least 3 specific goals and also show them that you have a detailed plan for the way you will spend your time during the program. Show them that you put a lot of thought into your future.
Therefore, I decided to apply for the NUS MBA for the third year to achieve my dream of continuing education in a prestigious university. You already said this.
My paper, "Marketing of life insurance policies; a practical experience" was accepted... After telling us this, tell us how the paper reflects your LONG-TERM plan for contributing to your professional field.
To expand my knowledge in the marketing arena, I have started am reading (names of books?)
To have a better focus on our department operations and optimize our performance, I am learning SPSS."
THINK OF ONE MESSAGE that you want the reader to remember, and say it at the beginning and end of this little essay. What is the most important message for the reader to remember about your efforts to improve your qualification?
I hope you succeed!
Hi kevin! Whenever you comment on my essay, I really appreciate it! I am thinking on your ideas to rewrite my essay. Thank you very much
Hello once again
I read your essay and i think Kevin has already mentioned what improvements need to be done. I feel that you have to make your essay so interesting that the reader feels that you are a truly deserving candidate. From the first time, you applied, to the third time what are the qualities that you have developed? (you mentioned that you started reading...so it would be impressive if you mention which books/magazines/newspaper etc.), what are the new things (probably related to marketing) that you have learnt? try to put these things in ur essay.
Hope u succeed this time. Good Luck!
The first one was "Marketing and selling of life insurance policies" in which Kevin Kellly an internationally acclaimed motivational speaker on entrepreneurship, leadership, sales, creativity and personal excellence talked in it .
Sylvia Perreault, trainer and coach in of (check once) proud success.
Check these once..and i agree to kevin and seema as well..
Good luck..i hope you gonna get it this time..
