I am submitting a personal statement for admission to a university and I had pretty poor grades during undergrad and my grades have improved significantly since deciding on a new career path. I wanted to subtly express that in my paper. Let me know I hit the mark. Thanks in advance for your feedback.
my passion for helping children
My long-awaited senior year of college was coming to a close and graduation day was fast approaching. During finals week, I made my way through the halls of________. It was overflowing with eager students babbling about cap and gown fees, new career paths, and graduate school programs they were anxiously awaiting decisions from. This reminded me of the excitement I felt in high school when I had initially become captivated by the field of psychology. I had not known then what discipline I wanted to study but, I was armed with a great deal of passion and I trusted that it would sort itself out. However, in the passing years, studying psychology certainly fostered my interest, but my passion was fleeting. Which led me here, days away from graduation. The uncertainty of my future robbed me of the jubilation that I believed I was entitled to. Leaving me with one question. What next?
While reconfiguring my goals and interests, I never once questioned my passion for helping children. Growing up, I would read countless report card comments stating, "Trish is a pleasure to have in class but she must participate and speak up more." Luckily, with the help of a few dedicated and compassionate teachers, I was able to reveal my curious, creative, and adventurous attributes, free of social anxiety. Having such positive models imprinted from my childhood, I was driven to explore more opportunities to positively impact other young children.
After graduation, I began working as a Child Assessor for ____, a nonprofit education and social policy research organization. I had the pleasure of traveling to various New York City schools and daycare centers and administering assessments with Pre-Kindergarten children with hopes of determining what constitutes an effective prekindergarten program. This position gave me the opportunity to apply my knowledge attained from undergraduate coursework and to expose myself to a variety of career fields in psychology.
One afternoon after completing an assessment in the library of PS ___, I noticed an energetic blonde-haired woman entering the room, behind her trailed a very young boy. As she led him over to the opposite end of the library, the boy appeared to be quite hesitant, rarely taking his eyes off the ground. When she engaged the child, he did not speak. After a few more failed attempts, she reached in her bag and pulled out a few toy trucks. The young boy hesitated, and then reached for the toys. He played with the toys around the perimeter of the table as the woman took out flash-cards from her bag. She proceeded to ask the child questions pertaining to the images on the front of the cards. He raised his gaze in line with the cards, but only responded by nodding or shaking his head.
Halfway into their session of what seemed like one-sided play, she asked the young boy a question about the t-shirt he was wearing. At a nearly inaudible level the boy mumbles "red," as he glanced up at the woman for validation. The woman exclaims "Yes Dylan!" Her excitement nearly startled the child, and she continued, "that is red and now what is this color?"
As their session progressed, I witnessed Dylan's confidence grow like wild fire. With each exchange, he was speaking louder, more expressive, clapping his hands, and jumping with excitement. When the session ended, the sprightly woman informed me that she was a speech-language therapist and invited me to observe her other sessions. During each interaction, I observed the magic that happens when you help a child communicate their needs, wants, and thoughts. I saw my younger self in every child, and I was certain that I had found a rewarding, versatile and growing field that matched my passion and aptitude.
Observing this exchange marked a pivotal juncture in my professional and educational endeavors. Shortly thereafter, having done extensive research on the field, I began volunteering at a therapeutic daycare for children with developmental disabilities. I have since pursued volunteer work in various academic settings with relentless energy and clear focus.
Upon acceptance into the _____ Post -Baccalaureate program, I immersed myself in the field by taking Introduction to Communication Disorders, Phonetics, and Language Development all in one semester. Armed with a new lexicon, I became more conscious of individuals in need of or receiving speech therapy and more committed to pursuing a career that provided me the opportunity to help them receive it.
As a speech-language pathologist, I would have the ability to work with both adults and children suffering from communication problems. Thus, I decided to gain additional experience working with adults in a rehabilitation facility. Alongside a speech-language pathologist, I worked with adults exhibiting various communication issues, including speech disorders due to traumatic brain injuries and stroke victims.
Through my current work as an Applied Behavior Analysis Therapist serving autistic children, I have learned that every child is different and I am constantly learning new skills needed to help each one discover his own strengths and talents and nurture those traits through my educational approach.
I will bring the same sense of determination and passion that has made my once distant goals now close within reach. Acceptance into _____________ will allow me to fine tune my critical thinking and analytical skills and apply them to the field of speech-language pathology.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Trishanne, are you applying for masters degree school acceptance? If so, then you need not worry about your problematic undergrad grades. Your professional background, in relation to the career change will more than make up for that weakness. Not to mention, there are a host of other considerations that will be presented to the reviewer as he reviews your application and considers you for acceptance or rejection. One thing I would like to point out though, is that you anecdote is running too long and is too detailed for it to be a recollection of events. Rather, this precise retelling makes it sound like you just made it up to impress the reviewer. It would be better for your essay if you retell the event as a summarized recollection instead that had you pondering your career change. At the moment, the anecdote is a very strong weakness in the presentation. Everything else that you presented checks out as relevant and for consideration though. Maybe some other things can be edited for length and content, depending upon how you present your anecdote in the revised version of this essay.
