I've included my personal statement below. I just would like some feedback...it is a bit longer than it should be. How is my grammar? I also feel like it is boring...maybe because I've read it too many times. If anyone has a chance to give me their opinion/advice on how to improve my Personal Statement, I would greatly appreciate it. Are there sentences I've included that could be omitted (in order to still get my general point accross)? Feel free to edit it as much as you like- I'm completely open to ANY advice, negative or positive. Thank you so much for your time- I truly, truly appreciate it!
Law School Personal Statement...
WAY TOO LENGTHY!! HOW CAN I SHORTEN THIS?
This is my law school personal statement...and it seems that no matter how hard I try, I am having so much trouble shortening it. How could I do so? Which parts could I take out without subtracting meaning from the essay? I am particularly interested in shortening the third paragraph. If anyone can help me, I would truly, truly appreciate it. I am also completely open to any suggestions/comments..both negative and positive!!! Thank you so much :)
Assisting with the program, "A Lawyer in Every Mississippi Classroom," I paired attorneys, volunteering their time to speak to students, with teachers interested in having attorneys speak to classrooms. In the aftermath of the program, the highlight of my day occurred one morning when I received and read copies of thank-you letters written by sixth grade students to the attorney who visited their classroom. Undoubtedly, the attorney sparked their interests in the law. One student, Corey, writes, "You got me so interested in the law may be some day I will be a lawyer and be as good as you are;" another, named Delanie, writes: "I am reading the booklet you gave us every day. I want to be a lawyer when I grow up." I felt a silent affinity for these children, finding it interesting to reflect back to my childhood and steps I have taken since then, bringing me to my own interest in the law.
In Canton, Mississippi, population 13,000, I ate my sixth birthday cake with the boys and girls who are still my best friends today. The same faces appear in the second grade class photo, pictures from our first middle-school dance, and portraits in caps and gowns from high school graduation. Growing up in such a small, tightly knit town, I had not only my own parents, but also all my friends' parents. Even my teachers where a sort of extended family. When the time came to decide on a college, I questioned whether to stay close to my home, my family, and the best friends I had been with since childhood. My mother is an alumna of the University of Alabama and, after visiting the campus, I felt it was the right school for me.
From my senior class of thirty-five, I was the only one to attend college out of state. I initially knew hardly anyone, the number of students enrolled equaling twice the number of people in my hometown. The culture shock was enormous. Calling my mother one day my first semester, I expressed my desire to get involved on campus and go out at night to meet people. It seemed that making good grades required focusing 90% of my time on my academics but, if I studied the majority of my time, when would I make new friends? There I was a freshman in college, completely confused about my choice to attend college without my childhood friends, my responsibilities overwhelming me like never before. Even after I adjusted and began making friends, I yearned to be back in my comfort zone and wanted to transfer to a college in Mississippi. However, a certain intuition caused me to stay in Alabama. I can vividly recall the moment of feeling I had hit my stride, occurring some time between my sophomore and junior years. I truly realized I was at The University of Alabama for a reason that, at the time, was unclear; however, I hoped if I stayed and made the best of the time I had left my reason for finishing the college career I begun there would become apparent. Today, these reasons are crystal clear to me. The challenge of going to college where I knew nobody led to the challenge of growing as a person and becoming a dedicated student, thus leading to my interest in pursuing a law degree. A student with a passion for reading and writing, I declared English as my major. I began considering the possibility of attending law school after college and, realizing the importance of raising my GPA, I set a goal to earn no grades less than As or Bs throughout the remaining two years of my undergraduate studies. Deciding to finish the college career I started at Alabama and challenging myself to perform to my greatest academic ability, the rewards I have reaped from wholeheartedly doing so will stay with me for the rest of my life. I met people at college but, initially knowing nobody, I had no choice other than to gain independence. I became self reliant and more emotionally centered than I ever would have had I gone to college with my closest friends.
My newfound independence also led me to think outside the realities of my childhood. The daughter of a physician, I had always assumed I would end up with a career in nursing. However, at college in Alabama, I learned to listen to my instincts. While my desire to fill my civic duties was undeniable, I found a new intellectual outlet for it: Constitutional Law. Studying the details of the United States Constitution, an obviously historical document, I realized the impact laws have upon us daily. I was drawn to the law philosophically as I learned intriguing details of Supreme Court cases; it amazes me how courtroom holdings from distant times continue to affect my life as a United States citizen today. There is no question why, with a combined desire to help others through my occupation and a strong interest in the law, I became interested in law school.
After graduating, I decided to explore the legal field. I have worked as the Special Projects Coordinator for the Mississippi Bar Association since December of 2007. This job was supposed to be a three-month paid internship; after about six weeks, my boss gave me a raise and asked me to stay through the end of my sixth month. Time passed, and she offered me a permanent position; I plan to continue working there until beginning law school.
One project I have assisted with at the Mississippi Bar is "A Lawyer in Every Mississippi Classroom," a program allowing students throughout the state, both elementary and high school, the opportunity to learn about educational, law-related subjects. Working with this program has allowed me to gain a larger sense of the advocacy and community values I believe an attorney can help build. Although students may listen daily to their teachers discuss the court process, the Bill of Rights or consequences of misconduct, the "Lawyer in Every Mississippi Classroom" provides Mississippi students the luxury of hearing from actual attorneys. Attorneys provided pro bono hours in talking to the classrooms, some for more than the allotted 1-hour classroom time period.
Working at regional and statewide high school mock trial competitions where attorneys volunteer to judge high school students who compete in the competitions, I've had the opportunity to get to know several female attorneys who talked to me about law school and their experiences as attorneys; as a research assistant for my boss and Professor Carol West, I have enjoyed visiting Mississippi College School of Law on several occasions. I had the chance to attend the monthly alumni luncheon, also. One of the many aspects of attending Mississippi College School of Law appeals to me, since I do want to stay in Mississippi after law school, is its strong alumni network.
Separated from home and everyone I had been with for eighteen years of my life, I was able to grow as a person and student, and to focus on my grades and the path wished to take after earning my degree. My job at The Mississippi Bar has allowed me to gain knowledge about the legal workforce and the everyday lives of attorneys, as well as an attorney's roll in society. Working with "Lawyer in Every Mississippi Classroom" and gaining knowledge about how lawyers give back to their communities, it quite logically follows that, pushing myself outside the boundaries my home state, I have returned to attend law school. My growth as a person and a student results from my decision to go to college away from home and to stand by that decision when it became tough. Staying at Alabama, I gained determination and independence; and deciding to expose myself to the legal field after college, I now possess the qualities I feel are needed for success as a Mississippi College law student and, eventually, as a practicing attorney.
