I haven't used this service before, but I have read the feedback on other threads and it seems really useful. This is only my first draft, but before I get much further I would love some commentary.
Here is what I wrote in response:
A life of living, not earning
For the past decade, I have been behind a computer screen or hunched over a stack of articles and books, conducting research, compiling case studies and working on reports. However, as a student, a researcher and a policy analyst I have yet to witness the real impact of my work on policy initiatives or on individual lives. What Peace Corps offers is the opportunity to work toward a greater good and to contribute to the social and economic development of a community. And this is something I would to take on and be a part of.
After completing my undergraduate studies, I thought my life's objective was to find and retain gainful employment, or to gain experience that would help me land a high-paying, fancily-titled job. This continued during graduate school, when I took on an internship at a prestigious international organization, with the aspiration of building my résumé and a network of contacts. But part of me had always grappled with the idea of devoting my life to community service and volunteer work, activities that impassioned me.
Only now have I realized that the Peace Corps would give me a profound experience and purpose that can only occur by forming connections within a community and working toward a collective, rather than individualized goal. I have had the Peace Corps application open and partially completed for over two years. But now I am ready to take on the challenge and commit to a life and an experience made out of love, rather than one from a desire for money and prestige.
Coursework in grassroots development, conflict resolution, international relations theory, and teaching theatre in prisons have given me a diverse theoretical background in international development work. This academic experience combined with my philanthropic endeavors of facilitating art classes in juvenile detention centers, teaching English to high school students in rural France, and broad travels have prepared me to adapt to and respond to the challenges that accompany becoming a Peace Corps volunteer. Consequently, I am not particularly concerned about meeting any of the ten core expectations and fulfilling my commitment to the Peace Corps.
However, I think at times, Core Expectation #6 will be difficult - not because I have a difficult time cooperating with others or exchanging knowledge or even due to disrespect. I think this will be challenging because I will be going somewhere with a set objective and assignment, as well as a fixed time, and during this time I will want to effectively accomplish things and fully contribute to the development of the community. I will overcome this challenge by being flexible and open to learning and willing to engage with individuals with backgrounds different from my own.
Given my diverse skill set and vast experiences, I am ready to commit to improving the community of where I am placed, to culturally and socially integrate, to be effective, and to ultimately learn and take part in a cultural exchange.
Hi Mia, I saw you give some great feedback to other people, so I'll try to give great feedback to you. Sorry it took so long to get a response! :-)
Nice use of the term "fancily-titled"
I'll take ot a comma here: This continued during graduate school, when I took on an internship at a prestigious international organization with the aspiration of building my résumé and a network of contacts.----You should only have a line over the e at the end of resume.
I think this will be challenging because I will be going somewhere with a set objective and assignment, as well as a fixed time, and during this time I will want to effectively accomplish things and fully contribute to the development of the community. ----this sentence is very wordy, but it does not say a whole lot. Oh.. I see what you mean! It will be hard to stay focused on the specific objective instead of attending to various needs you see in the community. Well... I think you can write this sentence more clearly and with fewer words! Also, it might be nice to add another reason it will be difficult, one associated with one of your own weaknesses that you can acknowledge, and then balance it with mention of some aspect of the work that will be easy due to a strength you have.
I will overcome this challenge by being flexible and open to learning and willing to engage with individuals with backgrounds different from my own.----well, this part about tolerating differences and harmonizing, etc., seems different from the idea expressed above it.
This is impressive, and it will be well received for sure, but if you want to make it better you can refer specifically to efforts being made right now through the Peace Corps and show that you have been using your research skills to find out about current events in the organization -- events into which you're about to leap.
:-)
