London School of Economics personal statement Master in finance

Hello, I would really appreciate some feedback, criticism or general comments of my personal statement to the London School of Economics to study MSc Finance (full-time) or the MSc Finance and Economics, so can improve upon it. Thank you in advance for any comments.

LSE - You must submit a personal statement with your application form. This should expect to be no longer than 1,000 - 1,500 words. It should describe your academic interests and your purpose and objectives in undertaking graduate study. (The word count for my essay is 851)

LONDON SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS PERSONAL STATEMENT

As a professional with a strong interest and experience in the financial services sector, I am inspired to apply for the MSc Finance (full-time) or the MSc Finance and Economics. The academic oriented focus of the courses, the location and future career prospects as detailed by your Graduate destinations align with my future career goals of obtaining employment in a major Commercial London Bank. I am confident that one of these courses will turn me into an integral international finance professional with a broad vision on respective financial markets.

I am very interested in topics of Corporate Finance, Asset Markets, Mergers, Buyouts, Corporate investment, Risk Management and would be keen to take the opportunity to learn about the additional non-credit Applied Computational Finance seminars and the chance to improve my Matlab skills.

I am happy and proud to have worked in the financial services sector, specifically in a commercial Bank; there was always a kind of excitement that fostered coherent thinking and team work. In this position I was able to come up with innovative solutions that conferred value to our customers, directly supplementing success in our economy.

In these past years I have gained real, hands on experience in the financial services sector, leading landmark transactions of the Corporate Banking Division:

•2013 Run-of-river Hydropower Plant
•2014 Debt Refinancing-Industrial Client
•2015 Debt Refinancing-Industrial Client
•2016 Bank Guarantee for Underground Mining Project

Further Detail

In January 2011, together with two former university colleagues, I embarked on a project focused on the development of basic financial education courses offered by Chilean banks and Cooperative Financial Institutions. We set up the programs and created teams of teachers responsible for logistic operations. As teamer leader of the project, the experience allowed me to develop my leadership skills. We were later approached by a financial institution to develop a web game regarding financial education. We opted to render one-on-one interviews and surveys to students and teachers in several primary schools in Santiago (Chile).In January 2013; we launched a digital financial education portal called Coopeuch Educa which can be accessed at coopeucheduca.cl/. It is my hope to bring my computational learning from this project (experience in C++, Java and HTML) and apply them to learning Matlab.

In June of 2013 I started the Trainee Program of BICE Bank, a medium bank focused on the large Chilean economic groups, for more than six months I pass for different areas of the Bank: Credit Risk, Treasury, Operations and the Corporate Banking Division, this Trainee program allowed me to understand well what makes a Commercial Bank. Since the end of the program I have worked as a Relationship Manager in the Corporate Banking Division where I am responsible for to build and manage rapport with Senior Management and Partners from Corporate Companies of the Mining and Industrial sectors of the Latin American market. This has allowed me to advise some of the largest companies in the region. My tasks include: leading the team of Product Specialists (Derivatives, Trading Desk, Cash Management, Leasing, Trade Finance, Factoring and Financial Investments), Negotiate mutually effective terms with clients, working on Syndicated Loans and Project Finance with other Chilean Banks and Perform the Financial-Economic evaluation of Business and Projects for subsequent presentation to Credit Committee and the Board of Directors from the BICE Bank.

I complete the Commercial Engineering program of the Pontificia Universidad Catolica de Chile (Number one in Chile, QS World University RankingsŽ 2016-2017) attending five years of undergraduate courses, including finance courses such as Public Finance, Finance I, Finance II, Options and Futures, Theory of Investments, Topics on Corporate Finance and Empirical Studies in Finance, courses based on a solid look at quantitative skills (Algebra, Calculations, Probability and Statistics and Game Theory) and economics (Macroeconomics, Microeconomics and International Economics).

During the program I was Teacher's Assistant of the courses of Macroeconomics, Accounting and Costs for the students of the Commercial Engineering program. In 2014 I begun the process to get the CFA Charterholder, I already approved levels one and two, and I am registered to take the Level three in June of this year, I have prepared to approve it and achieve the certification this year. In March 2016 I took the GMAT as required.

It is my belief that this experience will allow me to thrive at LSE and allow me to better prepare myself for global job opportunities and to be able to expand my knowledge and experience in developed financial markets around the world. I would like to learn from my future colleagues, being in a class with outstanding people from all over the world that will allow me to get a wider perspective on different issues. I would love to share my experiences and points of views with my classmates and teachers, allowing me to substantively contribute to discussions in lectures, research and to the program overall. I understand the course will be challenging but I have spent my career so far overcoming such challenges and strongly believe this can be my next successful venture.

Thanks you for your time to considerer my application.

Erik, the personal statement is not an extension of your resume. So remove all of the parts of the essay that refer to that. I mean the detailed work information plus experiences. The only part of the current essay that relates to a personal statement are your first 3 paragraphs. The rest, must be deleted because the purpose of writing a personal statement is to introduce you to the reviewer. It is not your opportunity to explain and present your resume. The resume is submitted as a separate document to the reviewer. A more detailed and relevant discussion of your resume should be found in your statement of purpose, not in a personal statement. It is part of your application documents. It does not belong in the personal statement.

The only parts missing from your presentation after the first 3 paragraphs from the original are the discussion about your purpose and objectives in enrolling for masters studies in this field. Once you represent your response to the last 2 prompt instructions, the essay should be completed. This should not be more than 5 paragraphs long. There is no sentence requirement per paragraph, but you always have to write more than 3 sentences. Just be as thorough as possible in your discussion within 5 paragraphs. Make sure to stay within the word count as required. That means, you cannot present less than 1000 words in your essay. I look forward to reading your revised essay as soon as you have it available.