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Master in Finance from University of Houston - Goal Statement Letter- feedback

mafia 2 / 2  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
Goal Statement Letter which specifies what the applicant expects to accomplish by completing this program and how it is related to his or her long term professional objectives is required

It is a day I imagine it to be after I get my Master in Finance from University of Houston. I, an analyst in Merger and Acquisition department, work in an investment bank such as J.P. Morgan Chase and AIG in Dallas or Houston. At 6:00 am, I wake up, go to gym and quickly check Bloomberg or Yahoo Finance for any breaking news to identifying new business opportunities. Arriving at office, my day begins with checking e-mails. After that, I start to run valuation model on spreadsheets to assess a deal's desirability at once. At 10:00am, I finish up pitch book for upcoming presentation. After lunch, I am staffed on multiple mandates at a time. Having had a conference call with deal team, I put together a few public information books and balance out discounted cash flow model. Afterwards, I gather industry reports and present it to senior analyst. At 7:00, I meet with the director to discuss how to update pitch book and spend one hour to make changes to it before sending to the director. When I head home, it is about 10 o'clock. It is a fast-paced job under huge pressure, but I love it just because of investment bank's dynamic nature.

After two or three years of extensive experience and networking, I will progress to an associate who have a team of analysts working for me. After further three years, I may move to vice-president (VP), managing the day-to-day work of both associates and analysts. I will contact with clients more frequently and may have my own customers. My next goal is director or executive director and then managing director, although promotion beyond VP is difficult. However, being a managing director is not my ultimate objective. One day I will build up my own investment bank which can design strategies and offer financial solutions that caters to the needs of various corporations and financial institutions because the main factor leading to underway financial crisis is lack of proper understanding of various financial instruments and the associated risks. I intend to solve this problem by providing optimal solutions.

In C.T. Bauer College of Business, firstly, I could gain all the necessary knowledge and skills to meet my career goals because it has the environment where theory and practice meet. For example, at the AIM Center for Investment Management, I can combine the principle with real-world experience. Bauer College of Business's focus on the working professional will help me understand not only theoretical but also practical finance better. Secondly, Rockwell Career Center did a very good job in helping students succeed in career world. I can learn how to achieve my career goal by taking career course and having individual career counseling. Thirdly, the professors in Bauer College of Business, from the top universities, are very experienced and respected.

I believe that the M.S. Finance program in Bauer College of Business suits me very well and will make me achieve my career goal.

I am an international applicant. I want some native speakers to make my essay smoother and point out the writing mistakes in structure, gramma and sentense clarification. Plus, I think my intro is not so attractive, what can i do to make it better?

Merry Chirstmas.
lowcal 12 / 27  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
I like the way you placed yourself already in the setting, it really does make it interesting. You might want to consider emphasizing more of how the College of Business will benefit you, maybe put it in the intro so the readers know right away.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 27, 2009   #3
It is a day I imagine it to be After I get my Master in Finance from University of Houston, I am an analyst in Merger and Acquisition department, working in an investment bank such as J.P. Morgan Chase and AIG in Dallas or Houston. At 6:00 am, I wake up, go to the gym, and quickly check ...

How do you like this for the intro?
I love dynamic things, too, but dynamism is everywhere in nature. It is hardly impressive for something to be dynamic.

After another three years, I may move to...

I think you should give some mention to your heritage, so that this essay becomes a little more personal. You have a great ability to envision your future, but what the essay is missing is a personal quality. This essay could have been written by anyone with that driven personality type that envisions a future in investment banking. It does not let them know you.

Merry xmas to you too! :-)

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