Hi everyone. Please help me to check the usage of words. Also, if you find anything unclear about what I am discussing below, please point out. Thanks!
Topic: Briefly describe a contemporary managerial issue or challenge that interests you. How do you expect earning a Master of Science in Management Studies will enable you to better understand this issue? (300 words)
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I have become interested in the issue of employee retention from the Principles of Management class and my own experience. The case discussed in class was about Google. Although Google is highly profitable and is a wonderful place to work, many of its experienced employees are leaving to start up their own businesses.
Retaining elite employees not only save the cost of operation but also keep the core competence in-house. But from the employees' point of view, their choices are between jumping ship and staying. After meeting a jump ship situation myself, I have started to consider using game theory to analyze this issue. Game theory as a powerful management tool can be used to calculate the highest outcome of an employee's decision. Thus we can base our prediction using payoff matrix or game tree on simulated situation and change our stimulation mechanism accordingly. However, as I am not sure whether the employees choose their moves without being sure of the firm's move or not, both sequential games and simultaneous games have to be taken into consideration. So there may be several decisions for several different scenarios instead of a recommendation based on the overall picture.
I have not figure this out in my undergraduate study which only introduced some general solutions to employee retention such as holding an exit interview to learn why employees leave. I learned that MSMS provides Leadership in Organization class which will help me understand how to best organize and motivate the human capital of the firm. There are also classes about research methods and the proper use of statistical which are vital in setting up the right model for analysis. I believe MSMS will help me look at this issue from a comprehensive view with a deeper insight into employee's behavior.
Shiyun, you have presented a good description of your interests regarding your field of study. However, I would not have used Google as the example for this essay. You see, Goodle is already a well known case and everyone is already studying it. What I did find interesting was that you had a personal experience in this line of management. As a reviewer, I would be more interested in learning about your practical experience with regards to employee retention issues than learning that you gained an interest in the topic because of a Google case study. So maybe you would like to consider highlighting your personal experience first. After reading your essay, I came to realize that although you mentioned personal experience, you did not really mention what kind of situation regarding employee retention you faced. You may want to mention it instead of the Google case study in order to strengthen the basis of your statement.
If you mean to express the retention issue using your "jump ship" experience, then relate it. Tell the reviewer what happened to you in detail so that he can understand why you chose to use the Game Theory to deal with the situation. Do not lecture the reviewer about this theory. He is at the top of his game with regards to these theories and will not appreciate your lecture. Instead, tell him how you used the game theory in your employee management situation. That way you will detailing how you can quite possibly benefit from MSMS studies.
Rather than telling the reviewer what the brochure told you about the Leadership in Organization class, discuss what kind of leader you hope to become after completing the class instead. That way you will be able to embody your ideal management leader as it applies to your interest in MSMS in the eyes of the reviewer.
Don't concentrate on the grammar errors for now. Concentrate your efforts on making sure that you accurately respond to the prompt first. The grammar always comes last in these application essays. Good grammar is useless if your message and responses to the essay are not clear and strong in the first place.
Thanks a lot! I thought contemporary issue is something known to all, not my personal experience. I will post the essay again after revising.
- ButHowever from the employees'( no need for the apostrophe on the word "employees" ) point of view,
- their choices are between to jumping ship
- and stayingor to stay .
- ...the proper use of statistical data which...
Well there's not much to work on as you have written the essay quiet good. I know you can write more however this should be able to suffice what is asked of the prompt. Employee retention can be a very stressful thing to do, the company do so much to please it's employees and keep the information from going beyond it's boarders but then again it's up to them to choose what they want and when they want. The only thing that a company can do is to be consistent, lawful and of course put a little heart in everything they do.
I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavor, do let us know what happens.
Shiyun, in this sentence you're just missing a link, and it should be done.
To analyze the jump-ship scenarios, I started to consider using a game theory.
It's just too bad that you have to be restricted with the amount of words you can write because you can definitely write additional information that will support your application, however, as I mention, your essay already suffice what is asked in the prompt. You were able to figure out what this managerial position or status meant for you and the challenges it entails.
I believe you should be able to have this essay submitted and let us know what happens.
