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Masters by research degree (Nutrition) - Admission to University Of Melbourne


baharazad 1 / 2 1  
Jun 29, 2013   #1
Dear moderators,
This is my first post in the forum. I'm trying to get admission in Masters by research degree (Nutrition) for University Of Melbourne. I've prepared a Statement Of Purpose regarding this. Since this is my first SOP, I would be much obliged if you check and suggest modifications, thank you.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 30, 2013   #2
Hi.... welcome to Essay Forum. However, where is your SOP? I don't find it here :(
You need to type it here and then we will give you our comments in hope of improving your response. You do not need to open a new thread for that, but type it here itself so that we would give our feed backs.
OP baharazad 1 / 2 1  
Jun 30, 2013   #3
I strongly believe that my presence should lead to changing the world. I have maintained this impression since the beginning of my studies and have endeavored to actualize it all throughout my life. I have every confidence in the fact that one of the foremost means of improving the world condition is to promote the quality of life and public health. My fascination with inquiries into health issues lies in the awareness that not only does increasing the level of public health counteract the onset of disease, it also enhances the quality of life and reduces the economic burden of health troubles on individuals and communities. Owing to the fact that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," I chose to major in Nutritional Sciences in order to prevent diet-related chronic and non-chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disorder, osteoporosis affecting people, particularly vulnerable groups of pregnant women or the elderly, via identifying nutritional deficiencies along with making dietary interventions and life style changes.

Having been a science major in high school, I took an interest in biology and chemistry, eagerly favored group activities and endeavored to undertake most efficiently the tasks I had been set. Being accepted in the entrance exam, I could attend the Medical Sciences University of Isfahan (MUI), Iran's third top Medical Sciences University, in the field of Nutritional Sciences. During the first three years of the undergraduate course, when I became better acquainted with the essentials of nutrition together with a variety of illnesses and found the opportunity to learn research methodology, I took pleasure in applying the acquired knowledge for improving my own and my family's health and well-being and completed the course with outstanding grades. I conducted the internship in hospitals, factories, and rural medical centers in the fourth year of the undergraduate course and was satisfied with the fact that my scientific expertise could practically serve the patients' requirements. Moreover, within this period I carried out a research, entitled "...," which was done as a sectional study on type 2-diabetes patients. It was graded 20/20 and the results were published as two posters in Iranian Nutrition Congress in ... and one article titled "..." in "..." journal. These accomplishments sparked my fervor for survey into human populations. I devotedly engaged in mastering nutrition software pieces including N4 and FP for the analysis of nutrient intake data and after participating in several workshops in the field started teaching N4 to the fifth-semester students as a TA. In addition, for the statistical analysis of the research data I acquired the skill in applying SPSS and STATA softwares. By virtue of proficiency in procedures of preparing proposals, interaction with the patients, collecting nutritional data, and finally statistical analysis the route to success lay straight ahead and I found myself on the first step of the career ladder. The immense enthusiasm for more comprehensive investigations inspired me to further experimentation and to doing Masters in Nutritional Sciences. Acquiring the second highest grade among 42 students in BS course, and being awarded the membership of Talents Organization - an organization which provides support and assistance for only %1 of superior students in education, I was allowed to enroll myself into the degree of MS in the same Medical University of Isfahan. From the very beginning of the course I put much effort into experimentation in different fields and attended several conferences for poster presentation; a case in point is ...

One of my accomplished projects, published in JCEM Journal with IF: 6.5, was titled ..., on account of which I got seriously engaged in the subject of vitamin D, one of the world's latest study themes. Being associated with many health conditions and still having unknown effects, vitamin D encouraged me to consider ... as the subject for my MS thesis, a project I have been working on this year and is registered with the code number ... in the ... site.

I am most keen to enhance my educational and research experiences in the Nutrition field with the specific focus on the vitamin D subject matter and to take resolute steps towards the discovery of novel concepts in the field. I am resolved to proceed with my academic studies at a high-ranking university to get acquainted with new ideas, novel perspectives, and recent progresses in the field. I have opted for the University of Melbourne due to the fact that it is Australia's best and the world's 28th top university and holding a variety of research fields, inclusive of my preferred one as well, enjoys erudite professors, outstanding scholars and excellent facilities devoted to research projects which can provide me with the resources and support required to achieve my objectives. Investing all my intellectual capital and energy and determined to advance my personal and the research team's academic aspirations, I am confident I can develop into the best and most reliable PhD scholar within the organization.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 1, 2013   #4
I strongly believe that my presence should lead to changing the world.

... changing what? better be a little more descriptive. Tell you wish to make a meaningful contribution or something like that.

I have everyall the confidence in the fact that one of the foremost means of improving the world condition is to promote the quality of life and public health.

My fascination with inquiries into health issues lies in the awareness that not only does increasing the level of public health counteract the onset of disease, it also enhances the quality of life and reduces the economic burden of health troubles on individuals and communities.

... Wish you shortened this a bit... When it's too long, the reader needs to memorize things a lot and he would not like it for sure !

"an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,"

... nice quote!
OP baharazad 1 / 2 1  
Jul 1, 2013   #5
Good advice! I am indebted for your help.


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