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Mating Rituals in the Wild (Addmission essay for MS is biology)

Kahollavan81 4 / 6  
Sep 17, 2009   #1
Any comments are appreciated!

Essay: In your own prose, state what you wish to accomplish in our MS program. Attach one page single-spaced.

Research via experimentation and observation is the cornerstone of new insight. Concept are most effectively ingrained through firsthand exploration. I am interested in exploring the foraging habits, communication, and mating rituals of various species of birds. Fieldwork has shown me that birds have a very intricate system of communication; a subject I would like to pursue further. More recently, I have become interested in researching the effects of human activity on bird populations. Doing so will allow me to heighten consciousness to the magnificence and vitality that lies within the natural world. My goal is to educate others about the marvels of the avian world in a classroom setting. With this continued education, I will be able to delve into the complexity and diversity of the ecology and evolution of these creatures.

Enrollment in a graduate program will grant me the privilege of exploring and learning, as well as qualify me to do what I truly enjoy, to teach.

Enrollment in the master's program will allow me to satisfy my craving for research. The establishment of something new through exploration is the focus of this program. After completing avian ecology 514 with Dr. Fritz Hertel, I have realized that ornithology is the field I wish to specialize in. Through this class, I have discovered that bird behavior is more diverse than I have ever imagined. Their high level of intelligence is readily apparent by their creative methods of foraging. Communication between birds and the mating rituals they display are also areas I wish to study further while in the master's program; it is intricate and includes a wide range of visual gestures and a rich repertoire vocal cues. I wish to work with Dr. Hertel during my graduate studies.

I wish to expand my insight on habitat loss. As human habitats grow, natural habitats shrink, and with it comes reduction in the bird population or species. This area has become particularly interesting for me after returning from a recent trip to the Galapagos island and the Amazon jungle. During my graduate years I plan on studying this occurrence more profoundly because I wish to expand my insight on this topic. Once proficient, my intention is to incorporate what I have learned and discovered as a graduate student into my lectures when I begin teaching. I believe that doing so will increase the awareness of young students to this importance of conservation of species.

Graduate studies will provide me with experience to teach. Assisting the instructor in teaching is an integral part of the graduate program. Working side by side with the professor I will learn methods of delivering information to students effectively. After working as a teacher's assistant for a year at local middle school, I have realized that expert knowledge and effective teaching strategies are the two paramount traits of an educator, both of which the graduate program will instill in me.

The master's program is a prerequisite to pursue the career of my choice. It will provide me with the opportunity to explore the field I am most passionate about, avian behavior and ecology. Through the program I will be able to study the effects of human expansion on birds and their habitats. It will prepare me for the position I wish to undertake via enlightening me with the necessary information and providing the essentials of being an outstanding educator.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 17, 2009   #2
Research via experimentation and observation is the cornerstone of new insight. Concept are most effectively ingrained through firsthand exploration.

Cut these two sentences. Begin instead with a vivid description of an awe-inspiring moment you experienced while doing field-work. Then go on as you do.

You have all of the rudiments of an adequate application essay here. You describe your interests and state your purpose adequately. I keep saying "adequate" because that is all it is. To make it more than just adequate, bring the passion that you have for ornithology and for teaching into your prose by using action verbs and more vivid modifiers.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #3
Nothing too great with a very boring first half.

^I would have been more specific with my feedback, but I am assuming from the level of feedback that you have given others, all you were looking for is a straight forward one-liner. As long as we understand each other, there should be no problem :)

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