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'May Fate reward your diligence' - do me a favor to check my diversity essy


sosososo1114 2 / 8  
Dec 9, 2009   #1
Could anyone do me a favor to check my diversity essy?
I am not sure this essy is suitable for my application , please give me some advise.
here it is :
'May Fate reward your diligence' His word impresses me and encourages me working hard.
On the first day of the fall semester, 2005, I served as a volunteer guide for the freshmen at the inquiry desk of the student council. When we were leaving at the end of the day after hurrying a whole day in the rain, a father with his young son came to us to ask beds for the night. Hearing his inquiry, nobody responded immediately and there was an embarrassing silence. To break it, I said, 'I will be in charge.' On the way to their aims, the father said: 'May Fate reward your diligence.' In that year I was repaid because of my effort. Except for various scholarships and awards, I obtained the presidentship in my club as well as the membership in the martial art team.

Sometimes fate rewards your effort with not success but failure. At the beginning of my third year I was almost overwhelmed by depression after failing in the martial art competition. For a year, what encouraged me to get through the grueling training was the belief that my hardworking would be rewarded in the competition but at that moment, it was thrown over. To keep away from depression, I forced myself to read desperately. I drove myself to learn new skills, such as FORTRAN, Flash, MatLab, anything latent to excite my neurons. Surprisingly, partly due to my study experience in the third year, I won an internship in Professor Guangcai Gong's lab, where I start my first research. Without the failure, I might not study those skills or thesis. I probably might not receive that internship, let alone writing here for a further study opportunity oversea. Failure may be as worthy as success when it is treat correctly.

Due to the internship, I find it interesting and challenging to build up a convenient artificial environment with least energy input. The internship offers me opportunity to evaluate HVAC systems in paper mills and commercial buildings. But what cheers up me most is that I started my first research on heat pump. Occasionally I noticed that the air source heat pump installed in our office blows cold wind about every forty minutes under heating model when it rains. To find out what lies behind, I learned further and found frost forms on the outdoor coil with an ambient temperature at 4℃. The effects that several factors play on frost formation are analyzed qualitatively and verified, however, seldom study measures the quantitative weights of each. Thus, I told Professor Gong what's in my mind and now the model is finished. With its findings presented in the fifth International Workshop on Energy and Environment of Residential Buildings and The Third International Conference on Built Environment and Public Health (EERBBEPH) Guilin, Guangxi Province, China on May 29-31, 2009, now the paper has been submitted to Journal Applied Thermal Energy under review.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 9, 2009   #2
Hi, Wang!

I am sorry to say that this has nothing whatsoever to do with diversity...it barely touches on adversity...It would be more appropriate for a "why do you want to study a particular field" prompt. This won't work for diversity though.

Wish I could help more than simply answering your question, but there is your answer at least. :)

Blue Skies!
Jeannie
OP sosososo1114 2 / 8  
Dec 9, 2009   #3
Dear Jeanie

Thank you for your advise. I think you may be right. But I got a little confused. Here is the thing,
The university asked applicants to submit both diversity essy and purpose statements. Does this mean that I should write both essies on the topic 'why I want to study a particular field'. or something else.

Could anyone give me some more suggestions? I have no idea about this.

PS:the university suggests the diversity essy is more important.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 9, 2009   #4
Look up the word "diversity" first, this might give you some inspiration. I also suggest cruising this site for other essays for the same prompt (there are many), and that may give you an idea about where to start.

The Statement of Purpose is a different thing altogether, but your essay here comes very close, so I would work on this essay to that end.

Look around the site for a little bit so you get a better idea what is being asked of you.

PS:the university suggests the diversity essy is more important.

It makes sense considering University life is fraught with different cultures, personalities, programs, courses of study, courses you hate, and classes you love. Your ability to adapt to diverse environments will be sorely tested in college, so I imagine they would like to know if you can hack it. ;)
OP sosososo1114 2 / 8  
Dec 9, 2009   #5
I think I catch your light. And Thanks for your advise, Jeannie. It is very helpful!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 10, 2009   #6
Well... fate is not usually a word that you have to capitalize. I guess you can capitalize it if you want to, but it might be seen as incorrect.

'May fate reward your diligence,' he said. His words impressed me and encouraged me to work hard.

In addition to various scholarships and awards, I obtained the presidency in my club as well as the membership on the martial arts team.

Sometimes fate rewards your effort not with success but with failure. At the beginning of my third year I was almost overwhelmed by depression after failing in the martial arts competition.

...won an internship in Professor Guangcai Gong's lab, where I started my first research. Without the failure, I might not have gained those study skills or written my thesis. I probably might not have received that internship, let alone writing here for a further study opportunity overseas. Failure may be as valuable as success when it is treated correctly.
OP sosososo1114 2 / 8  
Dec 11, 2009   #7
Thanks Kevin,
Now I am trying to rewrite my article


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