MBA Dream from India - does this SOP sounds more like a Personal Statement?

Hello everyone!

I just finished writing the first draft of the SOP for MS in Management Program and thought of including this one paragraph. This is something that comes straight from my heart and had a major impact on my life decisions. However, I am skeptical about the idea of sharing personal life details. Does the SOP have to be entirely formal/academic? Your inputs will guide me in the right direction. Thank you!

determined to give my best

I come from a marginalized section of India- a section that accounts for roughly 70% of Indian population, with 68% still living under the poverty line. Despite being one of the fastest growing economies in the word, the foundation of the society is rife with social and political norms, racial discrimination and petty corruption at all levels, one would find hard to rise to heights. My determination for pursuing higher education was inflicted in me at an early age. My father always wanted to study, something he was unable to do owing to lack of monetary support. Nevertheless, he cultivated this dream in me and I made a lifelong goal to give back to the society, in every possible way I can. I grew up with a sense of self-abasement due to the subtle shades of societal bias inveterate in all forms of life, where obsession with "light skin" was associated with the perfect and elite. Although these things seemed petty and irrational as I gained maturity and sentience with age, the inferiority complex did impact my outlook then. Despite being among the best students in the class, well known and applauded among teachers, much of the appreciation I received came off as worthless. As a result, I distant myself from much social life and found refuge in books. My career goals and education became my ultimate ideals and I became determined to give my best in whatever endeavor I chose for myself. The experience witnessed during school, however, positively transformed my personality, making me benevolent and accepting towards divergent opinions. I afforded myself a place in the top most university of Northern India where an undergraduate program in commerce provided me with a catholic view of varied business management areas including taxation, corporate and cost accounting, operations research and business economics. Determined and systematic efforts further gave me an opportunity to realise my MBA dream at one of the leading business schools.

Navjotkaur, that paragraph is more applicable to a college level essay than that of a masters degree sop. You are right in the assumption that the work you completed is more of a personal statement in information and approach. That makes it irrelevant to an SOP. the SOP requires a more academic and professional tone / approach to the information presentation. The SOP considers more of your immediate college experience, training after college, and your professional performance rather than personal backstories such as these. While I admire the information in this section, I do not advise that you use that essay as an addendum to your SOP. Rather, save it for a time when the university or scholarship application might have a prompt requirement that is attuned to the essay that you wrote. Like I said, you will never know when this statement that you wrote might come in handy so don't delete it just yet. I have a feeling you may have some future use for this highly personalized statement. Don't use it in the SOP. The time will come when you will need this essay.

Thank you very much, I will certainly take care of that.

I like how it came out ! I have to say this is a really convincing PS to me! maybe try to work on the details and dig a little more!