Hi everybody!...I'm new at this, I'm applying to a physician assistant program ..I need opinions on my narrative essay... Thanks :) Blessings to all ..
It was during my teenage years when I realize my interest in the medical field, it was a strange thing since I had no influence from my family, none of my family members work in the medical field, more over none had gone to college. That interest, turn in to a very important goal in my life, a goal that was more like a challenge because I come from a humble hardworking family and with little economic resource to send their children to college. Then at a very young age I realized that to achieve my goals I would have to sacrifice and work hard more than most people.
During my high school years, I started as a volunteer in medical clinics in my community, that gave me a wide idea of how important is patient care and respect. Then, when I graduated high school, to pay for college I had to do a short-term career, a night school program in my community, as a patient care technician/ nurse assistant which gave me wonderful experiences of working with patients directly.
Although it was hard physical and mental work I kept my goal in my mind of one day attending medical school. I felt motivated to look for a job that would accommodate to my school schedule, and I then started working in an outpatient clinic that served predominately for patients of low income in the Tucson area, that filled my heart with joy, patients were always so humble and grateful for the treat we gave them. I also had the opportunity to work directly with an excellent doctor, that always encourage me to follow my dreams, it was with his example that I decided to pursue a career in medicine.
One night after a long day of work I started thinking about my future and how I would accomplish it, I decided to start looking for opportunities to start medical school, I found a school outside the united states, in my country of birth Mexico. So, after many, many days of research, phone calls, and discussions with my family. I steeled myself and
I moved to Ensenada Baja California Mexico in January of 2007 to finally start with this amazing project.
To do medicine in a third world country it brought me both good and sad experiences that made me mature as a doctor but even better, as a person. It made me more sensitive to human suffering, to appreciate what many of us take for granted. Many cases of patients that suffered hunger, physical and emotional pain, despair and discouragement. Also gave me the most amazing and satisfying feeling of all, that is when a patient says, "Thank you doctor"; or when after hours of working with a patient, one sees improvement in their illness; or just simply when one relieves pain.
Now, I'm doing my social service, and as the year ends, I have decided that all that I have learned throughout this years could be put in a very good use, that is in helping people in the country that gave me and my family a better way of life. I was researching many career options, I came across a physician assistant article, where it described how PA's are helping transform health care. I was impressed by the health principles that align with the type of care that PAs provide: " helping people to live longer trough preventing disease, eliminating health disparities, creating environments that promote good health and promoting healthy behaviors trough all life stages."
I believe a physician assistant incorporates a more personal relationship with patients, accompanied by an intense desire to learn and be part of a team. I certainly have that drive and ambition that will make me successful.
I identify with the principles of a Physician assistant. I truly feel this is my calling.
I have responded to your help request by editing the first two paragraphs as follows.
Paragraph one:
During my teenage years I began to realize a growing interest in the medical field. My intent interest came as a surprise when considering that I've had no influence from my family. No one in my family works in health care; moreover, I will be the first in my family to attend college. Nevertheless, my interest in the medical field has become a priority and major goal in my life. In some ways, the goal is also a challenge. My family background is filled with hard-working people who have little to no financial resources to send a child to college. This knowledge has also motivated me to work harder to achieve my goals, even if that means having to sacrifice more than most.
Paragraph two:
During high school, I started as a volunteer in local medical clinics. The opportunity gave me a chance to see the importance of patient care and respect for the practice of health care.
(This sentence is particularly wordy and unclear) Then, when I graduated high school, to pay for college I had to do a short-term career, a night school program in my community, as a patient care technician/ nurse assistant which gave me wonderful experiences of working with patients directly.
I assume you mean:
After high school, I started working as a patient care technician/nurse assistant to make and save money for college. However, I have found the job to be rewarding and instrumental in illustrating real-life experiences in working with patients.
The full second paragraph edit reads:
During high school, I started as a volunteer in local medical clinics. The opportunity gave me a chance to see the importance of patient care and respect for the practice of health care. After high school, I started working as a patient care technician/nurse assistant to make and save money for college. However, I have found the job to be rewarding and instrumental in illustrating real-life experiences in working with patients.
Overall, your intent is clear but the way you've put the ideas and goals on paper is too jumbled. However, it's nothing that an edit of grammar and punctuation can't fix. I hope my examples help!
