I've been honestly working on this for about a month now, but I'm not able to make any progress. Any suggestions or comments would be very helpful.
Medicine has been my dream career since high school. When my family decided to move to the United States from India in 2000, I was very excited by the possibility of continuing my education here. My cousin who is a successful doctor, inspired me further and became my role model. Adapting to the new culture while being in school was overwhelming. Saying I wanted to become a doctor would an understatement, little did I know about the hardship of moving to a new country.
My academic course work and job experience always aimed towards pursuing a career in medical field. As I entered college, supporting myself financially became necessary. I was able to work in a few scientific labs under a mentor as a Lab Assistant. I also had the opportunity to work for a political organization called Progressive Future that served the local minorities with the 2008 Election voting. And as a member of a student organization, I had the opportunity to serve the local community by providing food to the homeless and promoting hunger awareness. The organization also gave me a chance to participate in various extra curricular activities to help me better understand the culture. Besides financial support and community service, the experience taught me the importance of work ethic. It also made me realize of my strengths and weaknesses. For instance, the ability to take criticism constructively from my supervisor, manager, and co-workers will help me in a career I chose to pursue.
After college, I decided to work to find the career I am most suitable for within health care. Working as a Medical Lab Technician Trainee for Quest Diagnostics Forensic Toxicology Department provided me the necessary health care experience. Learning about laboratory techniques that utilized cutting edge technology to detect the presence of various drugs in a patient's specimen was very interesting. One of the tests I learned about called Cyclosporine was for patients with organ transplants. The test measured the amount of cyclosporine drug in patients to determine if the organ is being rejected by the body. Being accountable for such critical tests in patient's diagnosis helped me realize the level of responsibility a health care provider entails. Being a part of a patient's diagnosis is something I have been very fascinated by and would love to learn more about.
I believe a career as a Physician Assistant will offer me what I am looking for. Although, I had to adjust my career goals, I believe being a Physician's Assistant will be just as rewarding. It will allow me to start my career sooner so I can support my current and future family. I understand the level of commitment it takes to become a PA and I am looking forward to work diligently in PA school to achieve my goal.
Breaking this up into several smaller paragraphs would help a lot, I think. Beyond that, try writing more concisely while using stronger verbs. For instance:
"Upon entering college,
supporting myself financially became necessary.I supported myself by was able to working in a few scientific labs under a mentor as a Lab Assistant. I also had the opportunity to worked for a political organization called Progressive Future that servedhelped register members of the local minority groupsfor the 2008 Election voting . AndA s a member of a student organization, I had the opportunity to serve the local community by provided food to the homeless and promotedhunger awareness in the local community ."
Also, the above section reads like a summary of a resume section. Why are you mentioning them? What is their relevance to your application? You need to go through your entire essay revising like this and making sure that everything you say is unified by a single overarching theme.