Hi guys I'm applying to Erasmus Mundus, but I am worried whether my letter fits the format. Any feedback is highly appreciated. This is the prompt for the motivation letter:
The applicant must show that he/she is well motivated for the Embedded Computing Systems programme by writing a short letter of motivation of about one page.
Erasmus Mundus Letter of Motivation
Computer systems permeate the most private aspects of our life, and the more ubiquitous they become, the more challenges emerge to make them faster, smaller, and more resilient against attacks. As an engineer, I recognize the value of combining various resources to overcome these constraints, and for this I aim to constantly expand my skill set to improve my problem-solving techniques. Consequently, I am writing to express my interest in joining The European Masters in Embedded Computing Systems (EMECS).
This notion of expansion guided me throughout my professional career. During my undergraduate years, I focused on software development projects and with it, a better chance to study and work in Lebanon. Upon graduating from the American University of Beirut in 2013 with a bachelor's degree in Computer and Communication Engineering, I worked as a software developer for two years before seeking a career in the IT audit and security fields. Throughout these four years, with every work experience I acquired a new set of personal and technical skills, with every job change I had to adjust to a new environment and handle different responsibilities. I worked for diverse companies, covering engineering, auditing and financial services industries, and the time spent at each of these firms developed my flexibility and culture adaptability. These skills are essential for an Erasmus candidate, and together with my curiosity to explore new cultures, they will entitle me to make the most out of this experience.
A Master's degree in embedded systems complements both my academic degree and my substantial experience in software development and cybersecurity. Furthermore, given the abundance of manufacturing companies in Europe and their strength in the market, EMECS is a strategic way to gain access to that thriving industry, especially that courses take an application-oriented approach and the Master's thesis can be done in collaboration with a company in the field. What also distinguishes this program is the focus on core courses during the first year, and the abundancy of electives in the second year. Having no prior practical experience in computer architecture, and with a background in computer engineering, I am first interested in learning about the different study areas of embedded systems before steering my career towards one focus area. The dynamic and challenging aspects of computer engineering are what originally drew me to the field, and EMECS is the perfect embodiment of that, especially the opportunity to participate in the EMECS-thon competition. Not only that, but engineers around the world are constantly looking for ways to improve our lives, enhancing solutions that benefit most members of the society such as intelligent systems, medical equipment, and green technologies. Volunteering for two years with the Lebanese Red Cross, Youth Department taught me the importance of giving back to the community and the impact the smallest contribution can have on society.
During my time abroad, not only will I get introduced to new cultures, but I will get to share my own culture as well as my interactions with other cultures. I have been to ten countries so far, and that exposure enriched my cultural background; above all the pillar of Erasmus programs is exchange, and diversity ensures a successful exchange. The most rewarding experience was the three-month internship in Tokyo. Working with such diligent colleagues taught me perseverance, responsibility, and discipline.
On a societal level, Japanese place a high value on etiquette, for instance adding sauce to rice at a restaurant is considered rude, and while it took me some time to adapt, I eventually learned to integrate in the society and appreciate the cultural differences. When I came back from Japan I had many stories and insights to share, and I am eager to have that opportunity again with Erasmus. The chance to complete the degree in three different prestigious universities, especially ones that offer cultural courses, will develop my interpersonal skills and grant me a competitive advantage in the job market.
As a woman in a male-dominated field, I have a duty to demonstrate our capabilities. This program is my platform to debunk common stereotypes and spread positive images about women, Arabs, and Erasmus students. I am not only a representative of Lebanon, I am an ambassador for Erasmus, and I am committed to only portraying the best image of myself and those whom I represent.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,823 
4781 Nelly, this is an extremely long essay for a motivation letter. This should not be more than 5 paragraphs long because the motivation letter is supposed to just summarize the development of your interest, and what you hope to achieve, by studying this course. As the prompt says, show that you are amply motivated to complete the course. This is best done by focusing on the reason behind your application. Think about and present the following information:
1. When did your interest start?
2. How did you pursue and continue to pursue this interest?
3. What interests you most about this field of work at the moment?
4. How do you hope to contribute to this field of work or study?
5. What motivated you to apply to this university?
I have given you 5 guide questions representing the 5 paragraphs for the motivation letter. I hope that you can use the guides in revising your essay. What you wrote is too long and combines information for a personal statement and statement of purpose, which is why it cannot be used as a motivational letter.
