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Motivation Letter - Business Information Systems (MSc Information Studies) - Amsterdam - UvA

stalingard 1 / 3 2  
Jan 13, 2017   #1
Requisite: UvA as a part of the application procedure wants candidates to supply a motivation letter along with all other documents. What makes it interesting is that, UvA wants the motivation letter to be a max of 300 words.

Actual text from UvA website (uva.nl/en/education/master-s/master-s-programmes/masters-programmes/masters-programmes/content/folder/information-studies-business-information-systems/application-and-admission/submit-your-application/application-procedure-bis.html):
Motivation letter (max. 300 words): why you want to enrol in this programme, what topics related to the programme you are interested in, which personal strengths make you suitable for it.

I understand that all the question will have to transitions but at the same they should all be interconnected. I am unsure if the below letter lives up to the expectation of the Uni. and hence, appreciate if somebody can weigh it. Lastly, I plan to add a brief foot note to supply more information on the kind of data and software packages that I have worked on, in addition to awards that I have won.

Appreciate any suggestion that can improve this letter.


the chaotic swirl of complexities

Professional experience helped me unstructured data coupled with analytical thinking can help develop information that can aid organizations do whatever they do, but better. This influenced and contributed to growing interest that finally articulated my personal mission as it offered a very unique steaming challenge as they dare to be. Enrolling in the programme propositions me an opportunity to comprehend business, introduces to new theories, broadens knowledge on - when to ask questions, how and where to research and how to develop and manage solutions that are in line with organizational goals. Further course also helps to connect the dots - how a business operates and what drives decisions. This course will present unique opportunity to exercise strategy and get exposure to new type of thinking.

Jobs now require understanding of the relevant laws, techniques and procedures. To aid organizational and societal decision-making, strong foundation for business and insights into how business functions are absolutely necessary. One should be able to develop and research design to approach the problem.

As a fraud investigator, I am capable of working through the chaotic swirl of complexities that requires effectively handle. I listen, question and driving to the root causes. I have always backed up my hypothesis with concrete findings that has formed a part of the investigative report. In the first every expense abuse investigation, I recovered $ 27k. On a similar note, in a high priority anonymous corruption allegation case that I managed, I found evidence with the minimal information from a whistle-blower. I have experience working on various forms of data and working with people from culturally diverse backgrounds. I have won various awards that demonstrate the good work that I have done and also evidences the fact that I have thought creatively and applied logic in trying to make sense of something when information sparse.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,197 4313  
Jan 13, 2017   #2
Stalin, the first paragraph of your essay does not make any sense at all. What are you trying to say? The opening statement of your motivation letter should portray the reason why you want to enroll in this program. As a Fraud Investigator, you should be able to explain the elements of your job which you feel are being held back by your lack of training in a particular aspect. Or, perhaps you feel that there is a part of the overall work of a fraud investigator that needs to be strengthened. Therefore, enrolling in the masters degree program will help you to gain an insight into the advanced fraud investigation techniques that should help you to improve in the performance of your duty. That is the essence of your motivation letter and that is what should be seen as developing throughout the essay. More importantly, you have to explain why you feel that UVA is the school that can help you achieve this goal. At the moment, your essay is saying a lot of things that do not make any sense at all to the reader. There is no clear motivation and your last part, talking about your success on the job doesn't even belong in a motivation letter. It belongs in a statement of purpose. Try to revise the letter to better reflect the development of your interest in the field of fraud investigation based upon the comments I made in earlier paragraphs. These should help you create a better motivation letter draft.
OP stalingard 1 / 3 2  
Jan 14, 2017   #3
I have chosen to apply to the University of Amsterdam, as I would like to obtain in-depth knowledge about the crucial function of information systems; to help enterprises to reduce costs, boost innovation, improve processes, and increase productivity. Businesses these days are more exposed than they have ever been to fraud. This study will help me explore and develop effective internal control, identify the risks, protect the most important information, sustain through governance and compliance and improve to move with the rapid changes. ICT jobs provide leadership challenges and opportunities that contribute to a satisfying career. UvA is ranked among the best university in the world. The university has a high percentage of international students and I would love to be part of diverse cultures. Another good reason to join UvA is that Amsterdam is home to many international businesses. This will set up the career of my dreams.

To be successful, we need to develop an understanding in the areas pertaining to business issues, techniques and procedures, how and where to research, and how to develop and manage solutions that are in line with organizational goals and that aid in decision-making. In addition, I am also interested to gain strong foundation and insights into how business functions.

As a student, I developed a great deal of liking for mathematics; algebra and statistics, and computers. During the early days of professional career as an analyst, curiosity fueled me to experiment, remain flexible and solve problems with a new, fresh perspective. This allowed me to translate the numbers, the metrics, into very clear and straightforward, actionable and engaging stories. While studying in UvA I will be able to enhance my knowledge and skills at the same time I can share my knowledge with other students so that we will get better and better in a stimulating and challenging environment.

Additional comments:
In view of paragraph 2, I feel that answer supplied doesn't really get all with the question. Mary, can you please share your thoughts?
WRT 3rd para, "While studying in UvA I will be able to enhance my knowledge and skills at the same time I can share my knowledge with other students so that we will get better and better in a stimulating and challenging environment." is this a good idea to include?
OP stalingard 1 / 3 2  
Jan 15, 2017   #4
In view of paragraph 2, I feel that answer supplied doesn't really get along with the question.

Revised 2nd paragraph. Mary, can you please share your view?

I'm interested in exploring opportunities within areas pertaining to business issues; management challenge, with relevance to the wider industry or business context. Further, I would like to evaluate current practice, missing opportunities for growth and innovation, and develop a cost efficient model, so that findings can support future decisions.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,197 4313  
Jan 15, 2017   #5
Hi Stalin. I totally agree with you about the weakness of the first version of your second paragraph. I am referring to the paragraph 2 that you were asking me about in the previous thread. In relation to that, I have to tell you that I find the second version of the second paragraph, the version preceding my response that is, to be the better and more informative version of the paragraph. Therefore, I strongly encourage you to use that particular version as the second paragraph of your essay. In the complete context of the motivational letter, these changes have resulted in a very interesting motivational letter that will certainly help your application. I believe that you can submit the motivational letter once you make the necessary switch between the two versions of paragraph two. Good luck with your application!

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