Hi there! Can anyone help me with my motivation letter? Are my ideas good or not? Should I add something, or shorten some ideas? Any comments would be useful, thanks in advance.
Here is the motivation letter itself:
Dear Sirs or Madams!
I am very glad to have this particular opportunity to apply for a Masters program in Computational Mechanics of Materials and Structures at Universitat Stuttgart and with this letter I would like to express my strong motivation for this Masters course. I am a graduate of the Turin Polytechnic University in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, which is the branch of Polytechnic University of Turin in Italy, and holding BSc in Mechanical Engineering.
After graduating from the University in 2014, I started working at Research and Development Center of Mechanical Engineering of the University at the same year as New Projects' Engineer. My main duties at work included managing new projects, designing new parts for machines, and doing basic strength calculations of new developed parts. To be more exact I participated in projects such as "Modernization of Cotton picking machine", "Seismic shaking table", where mainly I was in charge of making calculations for hydraulic parts. Besides I designed some parts such as flange for hydraulic pump, mounting brackets for hydraulic cylinders. During designing and manufacturing these parts I faced some issues concerning the strength of parts. In particular flange for hydraulic pump couldn't resist the high pressures, and cracked several times before we found the optimal parameters for it. Moreover, there were several projects where I worked as Project manager. For instance, the first project that I managed was designing the racks for warehouses of MAN-Auto Uzbekistan and calculating structural strength of developed structure for given loads. The next project where I worked as project manager was developing the Hydraulic press machine for GM-Uzbekistan. The main issues that I managed at this project were choosing the right parameters of hydraulic system, designing the structure of machine itself and basic strength calculations. Finally the third project that I am currently managing is 6 DOF motion simulator and I as a senior designer developing a 3-d models of the simulator platform.
I believe that my current working experience is the main reason that drives me to study Masters in Computational Mechanics of Materials and Structures. Since I had some problems in strength calculation of parts, I realized that the moment to deepen my knowledge in this field had come.
After careful research of available masters programs and overview of the master program you are offering at your university, I believe that curricula fully suits my intentions and therefore I would like to get an opportunity to attend this program. To be more specific, modules such as Computational Mechanics of Structures, Engineering Materials, and Modeling of Hydrosystems would help me to gain more specific knowledge in this field.
I realize the highly competitive demands of the program, but I have the ability, ambition and motivation to exceed the requirements and to excel at the university. I am eager to gain new experiences, highly qualified knowledge, and in my opinion this program is the best way to achieve that. I am positive that the Universitat Stuttgart and the COMMAS program would be an excellent start for my ambitious business career. Therefore I would be very proud and happy if I received the admission for this program.
You need to find a friend who is a native English speaker to edit for you!
Get rid of the first paragraph, I guess it's already shown on your resume when you file the application. It's redundant and it sounds childish.
The working experience part is pretty nice showing that you have a lot of experience. At the end, you can talk about the school a bit, listing its advantages and what attracts you and why it's a good fit for you.
