Hello, I have drafted a motivation letter for my masters application to study Telecommunications Engineering. Could you help me review it and make corrections.
the perfect foundation to impact my world
After obtaining a Bachelor's degree in Industrial Physics ( Electronics and I.T Applications ), I was mobilised for a mandatory National Youth Service for a year in which I was posted to one of the states in Nigeria where I served diligently. The experiences I garnered have created a burning desire and passion within me to effect changes in Nigeria and Africa at large.
I joined a christian organisation whose activities included the distribution of relief materials to rural areas. We spent days in these villages eating their food and seeing life from their perspective. We found out that these villages were cut off from electricity supply and had no network coverage. Mobile phones were useless to them. I wondered why the telecommunications industry had neglected such areas but I recalled that energy has been the major challenge amongst several facing the Nigerian telecommunications sector. Most telecoms companies rely on power from the national grid to power their base stations and other I.T equipments but the erratic power supply has made them turn to diesel generators for power which makes operations extremely expensive and unprofitable especially in rural areas.
Nevertheless, these challenges are surmountable and would be overcome with investments into alternative power solutions. The need to find new technologies is exigent as these power challenges in the telecoms sector have created aftershocks in related industries. I was stranded in college on several occasions during weekends because I needed cash but bad network likely caused by power outages had rendered the available ATMs inaccessible. Banking operations have been affected often times as a result of the telecoms power challenges.
Furthermore, while I was in college, about 7 gigabytes of data was allocated to each student but some students would sniff other students' data using malicious softwares and exhaust it before the victims realise the harm done. Where is the Internet security?
Kidnappers are having a field day in Nigeria due to the shortcomings in the telecoms industry. They would kidnap and call for ransom to release their victims using normal sim cards and still not be traced. What happened to the intelligence system, that's if it existed in the first place. If only sim cards were encrypted and had tracking functions enabled, an end to all these would be inevitable.
Last year, I attended a concert and together with some old friends planned a little get together at the concert. On getting there, I tried their mobile numbers severally but got frustrated by repeated dropped calls and poor voice quality when I eventually got a call across to them. They also experienced the same problem and we left the concert without seeing ourselves.
Also, I couldn't get the required GRE preparations because the slow and unreliable network prevented me from attending online GRE prep classes and often times stopped me in the middle of an online test.
Despite the positive trends in digitization and the ubiquitous Internet revolution, it is painful and frustrating to witness the stagnancy in the Nigerian Telecommunications industry. The telecoms industry has been crying for a revolution and I want to be a part of the reformers that will shake off obsoleteness and revitalise the industry. I fear the bleak future of children situated in rural areas in a globalised world converging towards "The Internet of Things". My Bachelor's thesis was on "The implementation of Solar powered I.P camera with automatic power switching system for exam monitoring and surveillance" and it was primarily meant to serve the rural areas to enable national exam conduct and supervision from any part of the country.
I want a Nigeria where I can call my relatives in the village anytime of the day regardless of whether he uses a mobile phone or landline and still get good voice quality. I want to be able to send money to my loved ones using mobile bank transfer without being debited and their accounts not credited. I want a reliable telecoms industry capable of competing with the world powers.
I look forward to undergoing a Masters in Telecommunications Engineering from your prestigious institution and I believe your institution would provide the perfect foundation upon which I would be able to impact my world.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Okoro, this is not a motivation letter. It sounds more like you are just airing your grievances against your country. That is not exactly what I would call motivation. In this case, you need to cut the essay short. There has to be a clear progression your motivation. Not just a series of complaints about what is wrong with your country in terms of telecommunication and internet connection. The motivation letter should pick up from the point of your professional career where you feel that you lack either information to better assess the telecommunications situation in your country, or the need for more technical training in order to enact improvements to the currently existing system. The motivation letter has to focus on the problem that you want to address and then give an overview of how you expect the university you have chosen to help you do this. In essence, you are motivated by the potential solution to a growing problem, with the help of training from this particular university. What motivates you is a singular problem that you want to address. The motivation letter is not a platform by which you can air your grievances. It is the platform by which you can share the inspiration for your desire to attend masters studies instead.
Hi Cyril, just like Holt has stated, this is not a motivational letter. It sounds like a debate where you are just opposing the problems you listed. The essay should be more of: this motivated me to do this. It sounds like promises, make it real, be real. And remember to be brief and straight to the point cause I got lost and tired of reading and most of all I didn't see a motivatedwriter rather I saw a concerned individual laying complaints and waiting for me to offer solutions. You have a great content (power,network/internet access is really a big issue in Nigeria). Develop your essay very well and you will have a better outcome. I hope to read your revisied essay.
@Holt
Thanks a lot....I will work on it
@Chizzy
I appreciate your corrections...noted
@Holt @chizy7
Here is an improved version. Please take a look at it.
Despite the positive trends in digitization and the ubiquitous Internet revolution, it is frustrating to witness the stagnancy in the Nigerian Telecommunications industry. With so many rural communities still without network coverage, I fear the bleak future of children situated in such areas in a globalised world converging towards " The Internet of Things ". The telecoms industry has been crying for a revolution and I want to be part of the reformers that will shake off obsoleteness and revitalise the industry. It is high time Nigerians looked into the challenges facing the industry and proper perfect solutions.
In order to be part of this revolution, I have decided to further my studies and obtain a Masters degree in Telecommunications Engineering from your institution which will provide me with the expertise required to be competent and make maximum impact in the field. I have perused the program's course listings and several of the courses offered have the potential to answer the questions that were generated as I sought to find a solution to the challenges facing the industry.
Courses like digital image processing, digital signal processing, microprocessor system design would help in my quest for excellent smartphones with circuit designs that permit transmission and signal processing with minimal power consumption. This would mitigate the heat generated as there have been several accidents recorded caused by the excessive heat generated by some smart phones.
Internet security is also a subject pivotal in my quest. Experiences of snooping and sniffing, several incidences of companies' trusted encryption s being compromised have re-emphasised the need for upgrade from common security protocols to sophisticated ones.
Furthermore, courses on wireless communications would enlighten me on designs that will enhance the performance of wireless mobile communication technologies. Improvements in voice quality, picture/video quality, data quality and service quality are required to increase our industrial efficiency and also provide solutions to problems the Nigerian Military wireless communications field is faced with.
I am interested in carrying out research on ways to incorporate alternative power solutions to Telecommunication technologies. The possibility of base stations and other I.T infrastructures powered by solar energy excites me as this would eliminate the problems associated with dependence on the erratic power supply from the national grid. The possibility of mobile devices with circuit designs compatible with both AC and DC power supply is also exciting.
My Bachelor's thesis was on " The implementation of Solar powered I.P camera with automatic power switching system for exam monitoring and surveillance " and it was designed primarily to serve rural areas and enable National exam conduct and supervision from any part of the country. The future can only get better.
I look forward to undergoing a Masters in Telecommunications Engineering from your prestigious institution and I believe your institution would provide the perfect foundation upon which I would be able to impact my world.
