Rather than focus on the grammar and syntax, can you guys please focus on the content itself? Does the essay have impact? Did I transition right? Anything I can do to make the essay better?
Prompt: Please use this space to describe any challenge or obstacle you have faced prior to your application to medical school and how you addressed that challenge (1500 characters).
One of the biggest challenges I had to face as an EMT involved dealing with an uncooperative patient. My teammates and I were dispatched to a home where an elderly female suffered a head trauma and back pain. Despite my attempts to aid her properly, she kept refusing cervical collar, head stabilization, and cravats around herself as she was placed onto the backboard. However, she did allow us to put a cold pack on her back where her pain was originating. While we were on route to the hospital, the patient created a tense atmosphere as she was still writhing with back pain and started insulting us despite our attempts to expedite the transport as quickly and efficiently as we could. However, as an EMT, I fully understood the importance of helping the patients and continuing to be respectful regardless of their current situation. Thus, in order to help her out in any way I could, I proceeded to reach my gloves into where her ice pack was and tried to further examine the pain. Surprisingly, continuing to ask her about the pain calmed her down, even though these were the same questions I asked her back at the residence. She eventually snapped back into being impatient and frustrated, but thankfully this was right as we arrived at the hospital. She eventually apologized for being very demeaning to us. Managing this patient gave me the confidence I needed to deal with many diverse set of patients along with an appreciation of how I have the ability to overcome challenges.
Hi, lightfox. I LOVE editing for grammar, but I will do as you request and focus solely on your content this time :).
Asking about someone's greatest challenge tells something key about a person. It shines a light on your weakness, but here's the key: your weakness is your greatest strength. Think about it. This is true for anyone, in any profession.
It's interesting that you chose to focus on your time as an EMT for your biggest challenge. You didn't have to do that. You could have focused on high school drama, family conflict - anything. The fact that your biggest challenge was in the healthcare setting tells a lot about you. It says: here is someone who is creative enough, bright enough, persistent enough to make it through life without too many challenges until she met the seriousness of disease and illness.This says, I TAKE MEDICINE SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!
So, I think you've chosen a wonderful focus for your essay. How to make it better? OK...
To me, intelligence is a measure of how quickly someone can reduce his or her stress level in an uncomfortable situation and still creatively solve a problem with the skills that he or she knows best. So, if I were you, I would focus on the following:
(a). What made this situation especially stressful? You presumably had been trained as an EMT to handle life-an-death situations...Why was this particular situation difficult for you? Is it because the patient was alert, unlike other patients you'd seen? Is it because other patents are so out of it that there's no negotiating treatment? This lady was alert enough to argue with you. Is that it? Spend more time highlighting why this was hard for you.
(b). Talk about why it was important for you to maintain your cool and come up with a solution. What were the stakes here? Could this lady have died if you hadn't been able to convince her to go in your ambulance? Could she have suffered permanent neurologic deficit? Was it important to keep her calm in order to avoid further neurologic injury? Or to ensure the driver made it to the hospital without crashing the ambulance?
(c). NOW, THE BIG PART! Talk about how you quickly devised a solution to the problem, using your native intelligence to creatively come up with a solution, your training, etc. It sounds like you were able to reach a solution by talking to the patient, reassuring her, etc.
(d). Talk about how the skill you learned while learning to be patient with the most difficult of patients taught you an important lesson that you will carry forward into your medical training. Remember that physicians serve their patients, so patient a picture of how you are ready and able to serve - even the crankiest, rudest patients out there. You know they need help and you are uniquely suited to help even those who are so sick they can't be polite.
I hope that has helped you :) Best of luck!!!
Hi Christine. Thanks for the insightful comment. To be honest, I'm not sure if I wanna keep this essay. I just thought of another idea for another essay I think might be better than this. I'll try to incorporate your suggestions to my new essay. I hope you get take a look at that, too, if I post it later this week.
