I am working on a statement of purpose for a top-tier engineering school. Could use some feedback and I'm not sure if I should add more about what I want to do at this school. Thanks in advance.
My pursuit of a graduate degree in engineering began with one very simple device-a mouse trap. The mission-to maximize the distance traveled by a mouse trap propelled vehicle . Winning this competition, part of my High School introductory physics course, was an event that sparked my life-long interest in engineering. I didn't know that 5 years later I would be applying to one the elite engineering schools in the country, but I did recognize that innate curiosity within me to push limits and tackle challenges. Since that experience, I have taken advantage of every opportunity available to develop my problem-solving skills and apply my knowledge to real-world applications.
My decision to pursue graduate studies in mechanical engineering roots from my desire to solve problems of future, contribute to quality research, and promote education. This decision came as a byproduct of my success as an undergraduate-I consistently attain top scores in the class- and aspiration to achieve more. Xxxx was a logical choice because it provides high-quality research laboratories in the areas I am interested, valuable resources, and the flexibility required such that both myself and xxxx benefit from my attendance.
My Junior year, I was fortunate to meet Professor Mo Samimy who runs the Gas Dynamics and Turbulence Lab (GDTL) at The Ohio State University. I quickly got underway with research in the field of aerodynamic flow control. My research activities first consisted of an extensive literature review of flow control methods used in the past as well as familiarization with the laboratory facilities. By working with Dr. Little, who now is a faculty member at the University of Arizona, I learned how to effectively measure and interpret flow properties via static pressure taps, dynamic pressure transducers, hot film anemometers, and Particle Image Velocimetry (PIV). I also learned to analyze data using MATLAB.
The research quickly moved into implementing classroom knowledge and lab experience which I had developed. The team I work with at GDTL mainly experiments with flow control via dielectric barrier discharge (DBD) plasma actuators which work by inducing momentum into the flow, thereby delaying separation and increasing lift. I have assisted with the experimental testing and closed-loop control of nanosecond (NS) pulse generated plasma, thought to be superior to the more traditional AC generated plasma. My most recent work involved designing a wall-mounted hump which I will use to control the state of the incoming boundary layer. The culmination of this work will include writing and defending a thesis at the end of the school year as part of the undergraduate research program at Ohio State.
As alluded to previously, my pursuits in science and engineering began long before I came to The Ohio State University. In high school I was active in activities such as Academic Team, Junior Scholars, science club, and TEAM+S (Tests of Engineering, Aptitude, Math, and Science). My first real leadership experiences came in completing a large landscaping project at my local parish to earn my Eagle Scout award. The true foundation and beginning of my pursuit in engineering began when I was a freshman in the Fundamentals of Engineering for Honors (FEH) program at Ohio State. The program taught core engineering/math/science concepts and fostered an environment where students were challenged to make discoveries on their own. The program culminated with an autonomous robot competition at the end of the year which required working efficaciously in a team environment and solving problems on the fly. Another useful experience for my future aspirations is my work as a math teaching assistant at Ohio State. This challenge has enabled me to develop my communication skills inside the classroom as well as prepare me for future teaching opportunities.
Furthermore, I have held two valuable internships/quasi-research opportunities over the course of my education at Ohio State. One of these was working in the Applied Research Division at Minster Machine, a world-wide leader in the press industry. Here I worked to improve product efficiency and fatigue life via design modifications, testing (using LVDT's, accelerometers, and pressure transducers), and data analysis. My other internship was this past summer was with the U.S. Army in which I investigated the consistency of the clay backing used to measure the impact of the ammunition on the body armor.
My initial goal is to complete a MS degree in Mechanical Engineering and then to continue on to Ph.D. My overarching career objective is to become a valued faculty member at a respected research university who challenges students to expand their horizons and aim to reach their full potential. However, I also realize that these opportunities are limited and that an industry position utilizing my research aptitudes would be a good fit as well.
My desire to be a valuable asset at xxxx encompasses working alongside talented faculty/graduate students and contributing to work that has direct impact on future generations. The decision to apply to xxxx was an arduous task that involved pouring through tons of literature, websites, and forums to see where I would fit in best. Two research areas really stood out to me for why xxxx would be a good choice for me- those being Fluid Mechanics and the Energy Science and Engineering area. The research labs that struck me with particular interest were the experimental sides of the Reacting Gas Dynamics Laboratory and the Marine Hydrodynamics Laboratory. These are areas where I have a passion for as well as the core knowledge/experience to succeed. Along with the introductory thermo/fluids courses which I have excelled in, I am currently taking a graduate level course in compressible flow, and next quarter I am taking a graduate course in combustion.
I hope that you find my previous research experience and academic qualifications well-suited for a MS at xxxx. I have a firm grasp of fluid/thermal/energy concepts along with the enthusiasm necessary to tackle engineering challenges. Thank you.
Don't capitalize here: my High School high school...
... and apply my knowledge to real-world applications.------Right here it is a little redundant. apply---> application
My decision to pursue graduate studies in mechanical engineering is rooted in roots from my a desire to solve problems, of future, contribute to quality research, and promote education. --------I got rid of the reference to future... No need to put it in the future. Your work begins now.
Furthermore Instead of using furthermore, which has very little meaning, you can give a topic sentence that establishes this paragraph as evidence of your competence and preparedness... a topic sentence that expresses a point about the value of experience----> I have held two valuable internships/quasi-research opportunities over the course of my education at Ohio State . One of these was working in the Applied Research Division at Minster Machine, a world-wide leader in the press industry. Here I worked to ...
to become a valued faculty member at a respected research university----This is a little too general. It is better to avoid unnecessary modifiers like valuable and respected. You can say it simply, and instead of using a long sentence make it a sentence full of meaning. For example, if you name a few universities that appeal to you it will be very impressive without requiring you to use a lot of words.
I think you seem very qualified! You write well, too...
