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I have always been passionate about Computers and Communications - personal statment review


mena Safwat 1 / -  
Aug 17, 2018   #1

Post Graduate application



Mena Safwat Sobhy

Personal Statement Aug 15, 2018
Dear Sir/Madam,

I have always been passionate about Computers and Communications because my uncle would always talk to me about his work as a general manager at Telecom Egypt, so I have decided to join Assuit Faculty of Engineering, Communication Department.

To introduce myself, I graduated from Assuit University in 2011 with Bachelor's Degree in Electronics and Communication Engineering. I was one of the top calibers in the department (I was the 6th on my class). My graduation project was "Wireless Irrigation System with Sun Tracking". I got Nahdet El Mahrousa Awards for Excellence in Undergraduate Research of Merit from YIA (Young Innovators Awards).

I served as an officer in Air Defense Armed Forces where I worked on Analog Pulsed Radar System. I was awarded a Medal of military duties of the second class for missiles lunching training. After finishing my military service I worked as an Electrical Engineer at Coca-Cola Factory in Assuit. During that time my leadership and technical skills have grown significantly.

After working at Coca-Cola for a while, I discovered that there is still so much to learn, so I decided to Join ITI "Information Technology Institute" - Embedded Systems Track - to increase my knowledge. Studying at ITI is divided into three main sections. The first one is fundamentals like C\C++ language, Fundamentals of Data Base, Operating System, Data structure and Algorithms. The second one is core courses: Real Time Operating System, Computer Architecture, Digital Signal Processing and Serial Communication protocols. The third one is the graduation project and my graduation project was LTE Cat5 User Equipment physical layer implementation on TM320C6416 DSP Kit. While I was working on ITI graduation project I explored how embedded systems are used to implement communication protocols, and its importance in the development of all the technologies.

After I have finished ITI ranked Top of the Embedded Systems track, I worked as an Embedded Software Engineer at "Valeo Egypt" where I was very thrilled to work in a multinational company with a lot of cutting edge projects. I felt that I have finally found what I was looking for in my career.

I have always tried to maintain a balanced life along with my professional career. Sports always peak my interest -swimming in particular-. Thus I started taking swimming classes since 2011. I have also done some volunteer work at church's events.

Now I came to a point in my life where I believe I can contribute and add more to my work experience by starting my post graduate studies in Information Security. I am particularly interested in the topics of vehicle to cloud information security which is related to my practical work. I believe that the vast growth of technology in this field brings a lot of opportunities that can be utilized to build systems that influence people's life.

Sincerely,

Mena Safwat
Senior Software Design Engineer, Valeo Egypt

Emcee_huckz 2 / 4 1  
Aug 18, 2018   #2
Kindly revise your first paragraph, a simple rapport with your uncle about his work is not sufficient to describe how you fell in love with computer and communications.

when writing the opening paragraph of your personal statement it is advisable to start with an anecdote, Describing a rather unpleasant experience that motivated you to study computer and communications.

kindly elaborate your last paragraph. it is too brief and it should be found in the body of your statement not the closing statement.

kindly revise your essay

best regards
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,897 2172  
Aug 18, 2018   #3
Mena, since you are applying for admission to a masters degree course this is definitely not the personal statement that you should be presenting to the reviewer. Your current essay is more of a college application statement that responds to a freestyle writing prompt. It does not contain information that would inform the reviewer about what makes you a qualified candidate for a post graduate course.

You need to approach this personal statement from a professional point of view. That is, you no longer need to explain the reasons behind the development of your interest in computer. You do not need to discuss your college academic achievements nor your hobbies and extra curricular activities. The focus of this essay must be on the development of your interest in the cloud. Specifically in Cloud Information Security. That is why this has to be approached from a professional personal point of view.

Talk about when you were introduced to Cloud Computing and its security requirements. Indicate when your interest in could computing began. Why did you become more interested in its security rather than storage side? From there, discuss your academic goals for taking the course. Based upon your academic requirements, how did you end up choosing this university ? What was it that the university offered its students that the others did not? Is that the reason why you believe that the university can also help you achieve your generalized career goals?

Most importantly, do not write this in a letter format. This must be presented in an essay form as you are not writing a motivational letter but rather a personal statement. Format the paper in accordance with the type of writing required.


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