Peace Corps Application Essays: Motivation and Cultural Experience

Hello, I'm just finishing up my peace corps application, but have been wrestling with the essays here's the latest revision. Any insight would be great! I realize there's a lot here, so if you only have time to look at one please do and comment, someone else can always look at the other. Also is there anyone with greater knowlege of the peace corps who can help me with these questions: Should I title my essays? How strict are the word counts (essay #1 is over by 34)?

Return from Travel

Question One:

I first began thinking about joining the Peace Corps when I hit a major crossroads in my life path during my first semester at college. I started college with a major in Clinical Lab Science; a field that promised lucrative job opportunities. After just one semester, however, I changed to Parks Recreation and tourism; a field that promised work in the great outdoors, but a less financially stable future. It was around this time that I also began working as an outdoor educator and studying wilderness medicine, both of which ignited my interest in travel and helping others. By the end of my freshman year, the Peace Corps had secured itself a spot as one of my goals for the next crossroads in my life: graduation. When graduation finally came, however, the travel bug had bit me and I was itching to see the world. I took off on a journey with no real end in sight. It was a journey based around my love for snowboarding and the outdoors. I was searching for deep snow, low responsibility, and new friends, but I found something much deeper. I gained invaluable travel knowledge and cultural experience that cannot be taught in classrooms. I had the chance to interact with people of many different cultures, all of whom seemed to agree that they weren't fond of Americans.

Now that I have returned home from traveling, the Peace Corps is back on my radar. I am excited about the opportunity to immerse myself in another culture and leave a lasting positive impression of Americans (core expectation 9). I am also excited to take home part of that culture with me (core expectation 10). The most exciting prospect of Peace Corps service, however, is the opportunity to work with people a world away to exchange knowledge in a mutually beneficial environment (core expectations 2,4, and 5).

I am now coming to another crossroads in my life; moving from my seasonal worker lifestyle to a professional lifestyle. I think that the Peace Corps is the perfect bridge for this gap. The Peace Corps presents me with an opportunity to continue traveling, but to do it selflessly. When I return home from my 27-month commitment I will bring with me the skills, knowledge, and experiences that I have gained abroad and put them to use as I begin a professional career. I hope that this experience will also open new career paths for me.

I hope to begin my service next October, which allows me to work one final season at Squaw Valley before hanging up the snowboard for a few years. It would also allow me to spend my summer with friends and loved ones before leaving (core expectation 1). This is very important to me because I think that, the hardest part of Peace Corps service will be leaving at a time when there is a lot going on in the lives of those closest to me. While I think this will be hard, the bigger picture is much more important. I am content to see everyone before I leave, say my goodbyes and then embark on the most exciting and fulfilling part of my life thus far.

Journey with People

Question Two:

While I feel like I have traveled fairly extensively during my 25 years on this planet, I can't think of many situations that required much cultural adaptation on my part. When I visited both Mexico and Japan, I was in a cultural environment very different from my own, but I was only there for two weeks.

These trips made me feel more like an outside observer that an integrated member of their culture.
During my year in New Zealand on the other hand, I did integrate into another culture, but it was not very different from my own.

My largest dose of culture shock actually came from within my own country, while I was living on an Army Base in Alaska. Life on the base was not all that different, especially because I was living in a US Forest Service barracks occupied mostly by wildland firefighters. In fact, I rarely ever interacted with any individuals from the Army aside from when I was re-entering the base. The Army's presence, however, was constant. I woke up every morning to the sound of jogging troops and helicopters landing. Returning home from a long week of fieldwork meant going through the front gate, which entailed waiting in a line of cars only to be subjected to a series of questions, and if it was late at night, the truck would probably be searched. Once through the front gate, I was told not to drive a single mile per hour over the 25mph speed limit because ALL speeders would be stopped and prosecuted. If I was riding my bike back onto base I had to wear a helmet and reflective vest, neither of which were required by Alaska state law. All of the rules, regulations, and the presence of uniformed men promoted a feeling that big brother was constantly watching you; a feeling that ordinary actions might somehow still be wrong.

I remember one particular instance when some friends and I had purchased some fireworks during our 4th of July trip to Valdez. After much discussion and debate, we finally stopped at the side of a road to light them all off before we returned to base. Although fireworks are legal in the state of Alaska, we still feared the repercussions of the dogs sniffing them out as we passed through the front gate.

In the end, all of the limited interactions that I did have with members of the Army were positive experiences. They were not all watching and waiting for me to do something wrong, most of them were just regular people doing their jobs. I imagine that Peace Corps service could feel the same way sometimes. Being the only American in a small village, it must feel like its all eyes on me. Talking to the people around me, however, will most likely provide nothing but positive interactions; the type of interactions that I am searching for with this journey.

I really liked your voice in your first essay, but I was a little concerned with the message that you presented. It seemed to me that you spent the second half of your essay explaining why the Peace Corp would be beneficial to you at this time, and when deployment would be most convenient for you...but you also said that it would be selfless. To me, this shows a lack of flexibility, which is one of the key things recruiters are looking for when making nominations. I understand what you are trying to say, but I would suggest approaching it in a way that makes you appear more flexible to the experience.

I love love love hearing about the traveling experiences of others, and envy your experiences. I'm glad that you didn't go with a stereotypical situation, but I don't think that this essay really answers the prompt. You just talked about how the experience was, but didn't talk about how you modified yourself, or what efforts you exerted, to be a part of the community. You also invalidated the experience you have traveling, which is what you said was your most valuable experience in your last essay. You have to be careful to be consistent. I'm not really sure this example would be the best choice for you.

Here is a suggestion for an outline:

Paragraph 1: Start with an intro (what led you to the experience, introduce what the experience was)

Paragraph 2: Go into more depth about the particular experience (give background and explain the environment, and say how you decided to approach it is a positive way and saw it as an opportunity to expand your horizons)

Paragraph 3: Talk about what you did. (Did do personal research, learn from the actions of others, join in the community in some aspect?) Also, talk about how this changed your perspective, and what ways did modifying yourself make a positive impact on the community.

Paragraph 4: What was the overall lesson you learned. How will you apply that to your time as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Hopefully an appropriate experience will jump out at you while looking at this outline, whether is comes from the Army base, or another experience. You could even pull from something like eating in a restaurant, going shopping, or attending an event during one of your travels. Anything could apply. I wish I could give you a suggestion, but I don't know your background.

Good luck, and let me know if you need anymore help. I know you'll do great! :)

Why Titles are Powerful


I think a title is as powerful as the thesis statement. An essay is just a transmission of ideas, so when you give a thesis statement at the end of para #1 or when you give a title, it's like injecting an idea right into the reader's brain. Then, in the conclusion para, you reinforce the idea. In conclusion, that is why titles are powerful.

About the word count: try to get it down within their limit... I'll help!


Very astute, Kayla, great job! I am impressed...

Here is a part that starts to get the intro a little complicated.
When graduation finally came, however, the travel bug had bit me and I was itching to see the world. I took off on a journey with no real end in sight. It was a journey based around my love for snowboarding and the outdoors. I was searching for deep snow, low responsibility, and new friends, but I found something much deeper. I think you should replace this with a short sentence that will be easy to understand, and then you will be within the word count.

The first essay really is quite impressive. It gives me a real sense of how you went through this process and decided what to do...

Here is a suggestion for the second one:
I did integrate settle into another culture, but it was not very different from my own.
(I think it sounds strange to use integrate this way, but I may be wrong.)

Right here, get rid of "all"
All of the rules, regulations, and the presence of uniformed
All of t The rules and regulations and the presence of uniformed...--- this is probably best. You can't say All of the ----> presence... and you can't say the rules of the ----->uniformed men

Hey, these are great, and your accomplishments and contributions are great. You will be well received for sure!