Kindly grade a TOEFL essay I have written and advise me for improvement
Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Curiosity is the most significant of all the traits of human nature. It is this eagerness of humans which prompts them to look beyond the world visible to them. Consequently since time immemorial we find people in a constant strive of increasing their knowledge and gaining experience. This has lead to people travelling to places unknown to them and discovering the diversity which exists on their planet (and even beyond). Mark Twain, a very prominent author has mentioned in his book "Innocent Abroad":
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness."
Every place carries a certain charm hidden in its history, culture, traditions and customs. Travelling answers it purpose when the visitor got to feel this charm completely and he enjoys the place fully. Travelling is a form of learning and we now find almost all the details pertaining to a place in its local museums. Museums serve as a bridge between tourists and places they visit. Every place has its own representative products such as handicrafts. Tourists can have access to a wonderful collection of such things in a museum.
Tourists are not the only visitors a museum has. Museums vary in genres and we can be an astronaut off to space, experience the era of dinosaurs, re-live the significant events of history, visualize army fighting in the battleground, swim underwater with marvelous marine species, meet with a maser artist or get a taste of culture and traditions of a faraway place. Visiting a museum gives us a broad outlook. The superb and diverse collection of articles, with exquisitely splendid art is sure to inspire us.
Museums are a great source to learn about the past and importance of history cannot be over-emphasized. History teaches us various lessons and guide us about our present even help us making predictions about future. Theodore Roosevelt stressed on the importance of history as:
"I believe that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for future."
Our planet has always been home to many other species. There is a great variety in wildlife and some of them are now even extinct. An ordinary man has not got much idea about the rich world of animals, both above and under the water. Museums dedicated to animal kind can tell us about many splendid creatures and their interesting ways of life, hitherto unknown to us.
Art is the most intriguing of all the sciences in this world. It has evolved from the time of cavemen to its present form. Art is not just duplication. It captures emotions and feelings. There are many art museums in the world. People visit them to experience an artifact. Often an artist's aura can transcend from its creation. There is no denying the words of Leonardo Da Vinci:
"Art is the queen of all sciences communicating knowledge to all generations of the world."
It is argued that images of significant pieces of art are available everywhere but no photo or other representation can equal to viewing it in reality. We can share a connection to the person associated with the object when in presence of it. It soothes our mind and unwinds our soul. The art objects within a museum are messages left behind.
Concluding the whole discussion, museums and galleries allow us to cross the boundaries of time and place and to feel the connection to numerous others who have gone before us, who struggled to know their place and purpose and contributed towards shaping the world as we now know it.
Whoa, that's a great essay. I cant find any obvious mistakes and the general flow of the essay seems logical and makes sense. The quotation thing is brilliant. If you truly managed to just sit down and write this in 30 min I'd consider this as a masterpiece TOEFL essay. 6\6
Hey Azamat, I see you helping a lot of people lately!
es, this has few errors! So, because of the high skill level, we should give feedback about style and rhythm, etc.
Like... this---> prompts them to look beyond the world visible to them . --- too much "them."
...prompts them to look beyond the what is apparent and readily visible. world visible to them.
Use a comma both before and after an extra phrase like this:
Mark Twain, a very prominent author, has mentioned...
When you add an "extra" phrase like this, you should have a comma on both sides.
When you mention a book title, use italics instead of " " marks:
... in his book Innocent Abroad: "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness."
Use a comma to separate the 2 parts of a compound sentence:
Museums are a great source to learn about the past, and the importance of history cannot be over-emphasized.
Google this: what is a compound sentence
source resource
Also, here is a rule called number agreement. If you have museum-----resource, that is okay, but you have "museums" you should have "resources,"
Museums are a great resources for learning about the past, and the importance of history cannot be over-emphasized.
google this: number agreement grammar
Nice job!!!
Thanks a lot for liking my essay and pointing out the errors I have made. I will be very careful to avoid them in future.
My morale is quite high now when you have given me the highest grade. :)
Good Day!
hi
firstly , you have a very strong vocabulary, you do not make a lot of mistakes.
when i begin reading your essay, it seems to me that you have give the reason directly without an intriduction. then you have talking about traveling. you have a lot of ideas at the same time.
i suggest for all your essays to follow this order
1-introduction( ex: talking about the museum in general)
2- the first reason (why people visit the museum= curiosity)
3- second reason= searching information
4-third reason....
5-conclusion
five paragraph when you will be asked to give reasons to answer some question
me too i m preparing to take the toefl.
