Given below is the first draft of my statement of purpose needed for getting a job interview. I still have two-three paragraphs left regarding my work experience and the ending paragraphs. Please review the following SOP and suggest any modifications. It would be really helpful for me.
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread", being from a nation where more than 65% people live on less than $2 a day and from a middle class family where my grandfather & father had seen the days of hardship, I understand the value of bread which inspires me to work for a poverty free tomorrow. There is a common misconception that a human being born into a life of poverty has very little to contribute to a society. With a firm belief in equality I find this misconception hard to believe. I have confidence and faith in saying that every child born into this world is much more than a product of their surroundings; they are part of our world as a whole. On a platform like xxxx, whose mission is xxxx, I aspire to work towards developing a better society using the intellectual and research abilities I have developed during my academic and professional life. Despite being from a small town and from a family with not a very high educational background, my hard work, passion towards mathematics and science and constant support of family led me to the top engineering college of the country, Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi for a bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering.
My undergraduate program was a judicious mix of theory and practice. The rigorous curriculum at IIT exposed me to a wide range of subject and gave me a strong foundation to my quantitative and analytical skills. Courses like Environment, Development & Society, Petroleum Refinery, Safety and Hazards in process industries, Biomass production, Rural Energy Systems, Advance waste water treatment fuelled my interest in the environment and energy sector. To combine my theoretical knowledge with practical skills, I undertook a project on Fuel generation from wastage of petroleum refineries, biomass and coal. The project was acknowledged as an idea to contribute to the reduction of the fossil fuels dependency and CO2 emissions. Under the guidance of a professor, I did my research project on "Synthesizing and modelling a resident friendly ventilation system to be used in commercial and institutional buildings". I presented my work before a panel of professors and was appreciated for the one of a kind effort.
As a step towards increasing my academic exposure and interpersonal skills, I decided to do an internship after my sophomore year. I got selected in a two months internship program in a research laboratory in xxxx, Canada. I modelled a mechanism which can be used to determine response to environmental cues to biological systems using MATLAB. Living in a country and working in a university whose first language was other than my native language was a whole new experience to me. After finishing my senior year, I undertook another two months internship in a research laboratory in xxxx, USA. I developed & modelled a correlation for cell-cell communication and optimized the parameters by doing a Cost-Benefit Analysis on the communication model. In addition to the appreciation and recommendations for my work, I experienced the diversity and cultural differences. Having worked in two different countries, I enhanced my cultural awareness and sensitivity to customs and cultural differences. Working with people with different backgrounds and cross-cultural teams gave me insight into the communication styles and adaptability. Dealing with uncertainty, ambiguity and travelling increased my confidence, independence and travel skills.
To enhance my practical understanding and to gain industrial exposure, I chose to intern at the xxxx after my junior year. The complex interconnectivity of distinct units working in perfect synchronization and the predominance of economic and environmental considerations in structuring the refinery fascinated me. This fascination motivated me to give my more than hundred percent in my work and thus making a significant contribution to the industry. I developed & programmed an algorithm in MATLAB & Visual Basic to detect abnormality in an industrial process using Principal Component Analysis. My performance during the internship helped me in extending a Pre-placement job offer from the company.
Consistently enjoying studies, I have not curtailed my extracurricular pursuits as I have always focused on developing myself as a versatile personality. In college, I was actively involved in teaching basic education to the underprivileged and poor children and organising numerous blood donation, eye check-up & literacy camps inside IIT. In Jamnagar, I have been involved in providing clothes, food and other day to day goods to the needy people by collecting a charity amount from the employees of RIL. Besides social activities, I was involved in conducting cultural events in my college. I was appointed as the Hospitality Director of Semblance - 2010, the annual Fine Arts Club festival of IIT Delhi. As a director, I led a team of 20 organizers to oversee the hospitality and logistics of the festival. I was also a member of the organizing team of I2Tech - 2010 (Open House, IIT Delhi), Semblance - 2009 and Rendezvous - 2007 (The annual cultural festival of IIT Delhi). I actively participated in dance and fine art clubs events in my college.
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread", being from a nation where more than 65% people live on less than $2 a day and from a middle class family where my grandfather & father had seen the days of hardship, I understand the value of bread which inspires me to work for a poverty free tomorrow.
This sentence is a bit too long. It is also important that you start with a sentence that can give the reader a punch. So try to make the opening sentence as interesting as you can. Dont give too much work to the reader to remember little details :D
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread"... Who said this? Better mention.... It's a real good quote for the start :)
My suggestion;
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread", said xxxxxxxx. I come from a middle class family in a country where more than 65% earns less than $2 per day. Both my father and grandfather went through severe hardships to elevate the living quality of life of their families.I like the way you have begun your SOP. It sounds interesting and that is what the admission guys would love to read. They need to remember you out of hundreds of other applicants :)
Despite being from a small town and from a family with not awithout very high educational background, my hard work, passion towards mathematics and science and constant support of family led me to the top engineering college of the country, Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi for a bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering.
Another too long sentence :D .... Better break it up so that it would flow much smoother :)
Despite I come from a small town and from a family that does not claim high academic background, my hard work and passion together with my family's constant support led me accomplish my academic goals. I made my way to the top engineering college in the country, Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi to pursue my bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering.My undergraduate program was a judicious mix of theory and practice.
... very intersting :)
I think you've done a good job. Anyway, you can just have a look at the following link if you need any further guidance for writing an effective SOP. I think what your written is pretty good :) Good Luck!
