'petrol on the burning fire' - Statement of interest for graduation M-Engg program

plz drop some lines for my mistakes. i will appreciate for your time....

My name is vikas singh minhas. I am from india. I was so excited since my childhood that, how a car run on the road, how an engine works, how an aeroplane fly, I was so curious when i was in my 10th standard. I prepared my self to take admission in the engineering institute to put some petrol on the burning fire to get the right answer of my thoughts. I started my diploma in mechanical engineering in ...

(after edits:)

My interest in mechanical engineering dates since my high-school years . I was so excited since my childhood that, how a car runs on the road, how an engine works, how an aeroplane flies, I was so curious when i was in my 10th standard. I prepared my self to take admission in the engineering institute to put some petrol into the burning fire to get the right answer of my thoughts. My keen knowledge in machines and my dedication in the subjects, right from the beginning of high school days helped me to secure admission in one of the best college in the Amritsar city,Punjab (Government Polytechnic College, Amritsar) for a 3 year course leading to a diploma in mechanical engineering, started in 1995 and completed in 1998. I studied all technical subjects as Manufacturing process, Workshop technology, Engineering drawings , Strength of material, Applied mechanics, Theory of machines,Thermal engineering , Heat transfer, CAD/CAM, Production management, Metrology, CNC machines, Automobile engineering, etc. At my diploma, I was not completely satisfied of the knowledge I had acquired to pursue a career in mechanical engineering and I hadn't had any experience in an industrial environment yet. I also believed that I had to refine my knowledge and skills in industry.

After that I started my work carrier in the manufacturing industry. I started my work carrier as a computer numerical machines (CNC) operator. Later on, I updated myself with the basics of cnc machines programming, there I learnt how to make programs on cnc machines with the help of programming codes and of softwares. I got the opportunity to become cnc engineer. I worked in the manufacturing industries for about 6 years as an engineer. During this period I make so many new developments for automobiles industry on the machines with the help of design software like Auto-CAD.

In 2004, I again made my mind to upgrade my self. I decided major in mechanical engg. After thorough speculations and discussions with friends and peers, I decided to take admission for undergraduate programs. I passed my exam with flying colours and I got admission in b-tech mechanical engineering. Today I am very happy with the decision I made at that time. I targeted specific classes in manufacturing softwares.

There I studied all engineering subjects related to mechanical engg in detail. I gave my full efforts to study and got fruitfull results. There I learnt about the latest 3-D softwares of CAD/CAM. I make so many drawings and make working easy with the help of Master- cam software. Through my bachelors, I was able to learn different key aspects of production through subjects like Manufacturing Engineering, Production Management, CAD/CAM, Automobile engineering, Mechanical vibration, Environmental science, Industrial engineering, Total Quality Management and Productivity Techniques. Apart from the theoretical knowledge, I gained invaluable practical knowledge through the internship at Sonalika International Tractors Ltd. I got the opportunity to work at the cnc machine shop in this industry. I took my degree in mechanical engineering securing 80% of marks from B.K.S.J.Engineering college in 2007. This college is affiliated to one of the famous university, Punjab Technical University Jalandhar. I got campus placement in the one of the multinational manufacturing industry in the India, Fedral Mogul Goetze Limited at Patiala. There I worked as a executive engineer for one year in the Piston Machine Shop. I also worked as a lecturer in mechanical engineering in Polytechnic institute. There I taught the subjects like Engineering metrology, Basic of cnc machines, Production management, Workshop technology etc.

I came in Canada on july ,2009. Now, I intended to take admission for M-Engg program in Ryerson university. I don't know how to start here but i have a kind of stuff to study in ryerson. My major interest for pursuing master is to get more knowledge about the industry, and the latest technical softwares of CAD/CAM used for manufacturing purposes. My long term goal is to have a career in research and teaching. I hope that you will give my application due consideration and humbly request the admission committee to consider my application for available financial assistance in the department. I hope to hear favourably from you soon . My resolute intention for future is to become a research professional at an academic or commercial, research-oriented organization. Obviously, becoming skillful in both of these areas simultaneously is far from being called an easy job and in addition to a huge amount of effort and devotion, requires the supervision of experienced advisors and also considerable facilities. I do believe that these are exactly the factors that make me interested in Ryerson University to be an ideal place for my graduate program, with its rich and honorable history, well-known and experienced tutors, and well-funded research facilities.

My name is Vikas Singh Minhas. I am from India. - proper names are wtitten with capital letters.

I came in Canada on July ,2009. Now, i decided I intended to take admission for M-Engg program in Ryerson university. I don't know how to start here but i have a kind of stuff in my basement - I think you can't say like this - to accept the challenges here.

My major interest for...
...and teaching methods related to engineering field.

thanks Azeri....
THESE WERE MY FIRST LINES ON THIS SITE. I HOPE I CAN DO BETTER IN FUTURE WITH UR PROPER ADVICE. I AM GREATLY OBLIGE TO YOU FOR THIS.

Yes, this is the most important correction. Use capital letters for all names of people and places. I also think you can come up with a more interesting sentence to use at the start. Can you think of an excellent sentence about technology and add it to the beginning of the essay? You don't have to start by telling your name, because your name will be on the application. Start with a sentence to capture their attention.

:-)

the first phrase does not be there if you ask me as they can see it from your resume where you are from, however it is not wrong either, just a small tip from my side

thanks alibaba
i appreciate ur advice.

First mistake is How a car runs...not how a car run...(how a car runs on the road) would do to.

thanks brother.
could u please point more mistakes here in my SOI ?

My interest in mechanical engineering dates since back to my high-school years. I was so excited since my childhood about how a car runs on the road, how an engine works, how an aeroplane flies, an so forth. My curiosity peaked when I was in my 10th standard.

After receiving my diploma, I was not completely satisfied with the level of knowledge I had acquired to pursue a career in mechanical engineering, and I hadn't had any experience in an industrial environment yet.

Make this one sentence:
After that, I started my work carrier in the manufacturing industry I started my work carrier as a computer numerical machines (CNC) operator.

I gave my full effort to study and got excellent re sults.

I came in Canada in July of 2009.

I think you should change the topic sentences so that each topic sentence tells the main idea of the paragraph. Instead of telling chronological story, let each paragraph epress an important point. For example, do not just write "I came in Canada in July of 2009." Write this:

I came in Canada in July of 2009, because I intend to take admission for M-Engg program in Ryerson university. --- this way, the first sentence of the paragraph introduces the paragraph's main idea.

I don't know how to start here but i have a kind of stuff to study in ryerson. This sentence does not make sense.

:-)

Thanks kevin, I have to learn so many things here. I hope all of you will support me. Again thankyou very much brother.

You are welcome! Please participate when you can, and check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Hello kevin . How are you ? I appreciate your`s advice. I was and now I really need the advice of my seniors.Can I ask some more question regarding the study and profession here ?

Questions about what study and profession? If you have questions about the essay posted in this thread, feel free to ask them here. If you have questions about other subjects, such as "general writing questions," please start a new thread in the category that fits them best.

Whatever you have in mind, I look forward to discussing it! :-)