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"Practicing medicine is a special privilege" - Medical Personal statement


orvos 1 / -  
Aug 5, 2011   #1
Hello guys, this is my write-up to convince US Psychiatry residency program directors. The only format rule is "2 letter pages."
I know it's too long, please tell me how to cut it short. I really appreciate your effort and time.

Personal statement
Flying is anything but ordinary. It allows one to cross immense boundaries and breeze through time and space in a smooth manner. Looking out the window of my plane, I realize the scarcity and value down below and fuel myself up with this new experience. I love exploring, tasting new foods and learning about new cultures. Traveling is a never-ending adventure, an opportunity to grow as a person as I immerse myself in the traditions of each country I visit. Like traveling, everyday challenges in my professional life, fuel my passion to grow and give me new directions.

"There is no cure for death" - I was told by my colleagues after the unsuccessful sclerotherapy of my patient who was persistently bleeding from his esophageal varices. Later, I was alone on-call in the hospital Internal Medicine Unit as a 2nd year intern. Outside the tulips have started to blossom. I realized I had to do something, because this 35 year old alcoholic man needed to see the beauty of the world. I reviewed his treatment plan, made a few logical and necessary changes, proposed to the team, after which he started to recover and eventually my patient was cured.

My interest in science dates back to high school years, when I was excelling in physics, math and biology. I had excellent teachers in those fields. I became a physician because I had a deep desire and realization nothing would be nobler in this world than to save people's lives. I have found Internal Medicine to provide the same opportunities for learning as I have experienced throughout my life. My thirst for knowledge is hard to satisfy. It is not enough for me to know how to make a diagnosis and provide treatment. I always need to understand the rationale behind a mechanism.

During my second year of my medical school my father passed away early and I feel regretful to the present day that I was unable to save him. I had to work for a living between my busy study schedules. From that day on, my inclination towards the medical field encompassed a deep rooted devotion and earnestness that keeps me occupied to the present. This event made me realize that someday, I might be taking care of someone's father, mother, uncle or sister. In my fifth year of medical university, I got married to my beloved husband who, as a colleague in the field and as a soul mate, has encouraged me at every turn. Before my state exams I had to face the challenging task of motherhood as my first son was born. To my surprise, in spite of the adversities, I completed my state exams in a timely manner and with success. To the present day, I believe that "pressure is a privilege."

I was fortunate enough to be trained as a resident at one of the busiest and largest provincial hospitals in Hungary. It was a paradise for me; suddenly I was managing the Intensive Care Unit and I was able to inspect a wide variety of diseases. At the end of my residency I completed my internal medicine specialty exams with excellent results. During my work I realized that a large percentage of the patients seen both in the hospital and a clinical setting had mental health issues in addition to their physical illnesses. It was often either a result of their medical state or many times their sickness was actually the result of their mental health. Later, studying for the USMLE STEP 1 and 2 exams, I immersed myself in Behavioral Science. That is one of the main reasons that Psychiatry is the medical field that appeals to me the most. I realized that physicians can make a big difference in people's lives. After all, it is overly difficult to live a happy life without proper mental health.

I feel that I will personally contribute more to this field than any other field of medicine. Being the mother of three sons and wife of a psychiatrist, I have learned throughout the years how to be a good listener, and how to give advice when it is pertinent. I communicate effectively with people, and establish rapport with patients easily and quickly. During my years of practice in Hungary, I learned how to perform a quick interview without compromising quality and most importantly, how to gain the trusting bond that is necessary for a patient's compliance. I love to work in a team setting. During my Family Practitioner years, I learned to be a good boss, managing my company well and being friendly with the nurses, and all the medical personnel who are vital in providing better patient care.

The most important quality that I can bring to psychiatry residency is my positive, life-loving attitude, my many years of clinical experience, undying perseverance and ambition. I find it rewarding to be challenged. The greatest vicissitude I have faced was moving to the United States and adapting to a new language and environment. After the culture shock it was fascinating to meet new people with different points of view. It made me empathize with all walks of life. As I decided to start taking the USMLEs, I was meanwhile raising three children and supporting my husband during his Harvard psychiatry residency.

In addition, I traveled back and forth while working as a physician in Hungary and studying for my STEP-s. I learned the value of self-organization, a positive attitude, and most of all passion for all that we do to reach our life goals. Doing sports and developing a daily running routine helped me become more determined and physically fit for the exams. These last couple of years were indeed the hardest in my whole life, nonetheless they have shaped me into the strong woman that I am today.

While finishing my exams, I have been volunteering at Jordan Hospital in Plymouth, MA with different internists and specialists. Among other hands-on rotations the most useful was at the Senior Behavior Health Center under supervision of Prof. Mendoza that has been truly rewarding in maintaining my clinical skills and staying apprised of the latest developments in the health care in the United States.

Practicing medicine is a special privilege; I feel that being a psychiatrist is one of the highest careers. As a resident, my goal is to work hard each and every day to efficiently provide the best care to my community. As an applicant I have the intellectual capacity, the real world experience, the tenacity and the courage to excel at my residency training. I am eager to demonstrate my skills and unique experiences.

I look forward to bringing my maturity, enthusiasm and determination to my successful residency program. I am a motivated and enthusiastic physician who is committed to pursuing this incredible journey into the psychiatry residency.
Powerfuldog 5 / 9  
Aug 5, 2011   #2
A very effective essay. Your use of personal anecdotes and vivid descriptions (along with a smart array of higher order vocab) makes the essay genuine. Best of luck. As for shortening the piece, I would limit some transitions, since overusing them can sometimes disrupt the overall flow of the piece.

If possible, please review my short college application essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 11, 2011   #3
I don't think smooth is the right word for that first sentence. I can breeze through smoothly without needing to fly... I just sort of float. :-) But seriously, I think the coolness of that first sentence is diminished by the word smooth.

I love exploring, tasting new foods and learning about new cultures.

I think most people do. I think the essay is off to a slow start.

Like traveling, everyday challenges in my professional life, fuel my passion to grow and give me new directions. ---The second comma is unnecessary in this sentence.

"There is no cure for death" - I was ----Now this is a better first paragraph for an essay. Scrap that boring para that precedes this! :-)

The rest of this essay is excellent! I just hate that first paragraph. :-) I think you can also spend a bit more time sharing your specific aspirations, the specific contributions you want to make... get very specific about the plan.
Tnix 1 / 5  
Aug 11, 2011   #4
Hi, I need help with this one too. Thanks, what does it mean to write a 2 lined 80 character essay. this one is on the Major. Need advice on it oo. I'm applying for colleges. Senior Year.

I chose this major because I don't like to see people suffering and I want to make a difference. The illnesses and deaths in my family have also inspired me to want to help people because I can understand where they are coming from and I can see the pain that they endure. I want to become the doctor that people come to for help and trust in to help them recover and get well.
Tnix 1 / 5  
Aug 11, 2011   #5
okay, I think it means...

These are the lines.
1. type 80 characters
2. type 80 characters

Please advise.

Thanks
Nelle - / 4  
Aug 11, 2011   #6
Nice content and the message is clear, but some of the language and grammar is distracting. This essay needs some fine-tuning to transform it into a distinctive, memorable piece. Focus on one theme and weave that thread through more of the essay in a way that responds to the topic while injecting some of your uniqueness into the exercise (maybe use the tulips or similar metaphors throughout.) The reader wants to know who you are and what distiguishes you from other candidates, without being hit in the face with an essay that resembles numerous others.

On a more technical note: be careful with your use of 1) passive vs. active phrases; 2) past, vs. present perfect tenses and; 3) your first person vs. third person usage. There are too many "I" sentences.
Tnix 1 / 5  
Aug 16, 2011   #7
Thank you,

I actually adjusted it to be just what it was asking for. 2 line 80 characters.

My desire is to explore the field of medicine and make a difference in peoples lives.
I care that people suffer from illnesses; my ambition is to help, treat and cure humans.


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