Why graduate program, area of specialization, past academic work, plans for future occupation - SOP

I am applying to a few universities for the PhD program in Economics. This prompt comes from my #1 school I am applying, and plan to adjust my essay from this to apply to other schools. There is also a diversity/accomplishments/contributions essay where I draw more personal information out, but I am having a hard time figuring out which topics/experiences should go in which essay. Hopefully, below, I have included the topics that are most relevant for this essay.

Prompt: Give a brief statement outlining your reasons for undertaking a graduate program,...

Statement of Purpose for PhD program in Economics

I am applying to the PhD program in Economics at the [University] for Fall 2018. My combination of a strong scientific background, teaching experience, and professional and academic determination makes me well-prepared for your program and excited about how I can apply that knowledge to my future research.

In my my time as an undergraduate, it became increasingly clear that diversity, minority, and environmental issues are very important to me. I was able to effect small changes in various positions on and off campus, but I am ready to make more significant and concrete contributions. Though I found the intellectual depth and scientific culture of undergraduate physics very rewarding, I know that I need to apply my skills to a more policy- and people-based field. As a queer person, I have seen how local and national policies can impact the lives of individuals, and how the overall community is affected. Expanding that circle to include many at-risk and minority communities is a natural step for me. From my time with the local Sierra Club and attending the public side of two UN Climate Change Summits, I appreciate that being able to explain the science and research behind a policy is an important way of educating our leaders. After two and a half years of working outside of academia, I have a solid understanding that my contribution is strongest in research and helping others understand what we learn from that research.

Economics, far above other fields, is the distinct choice for me to apply scientific methodologies to understanding relationships between people and policies. A PhD in economics will allow me to research and teach on the areas that I am excited to investigate. In particular, the PhD program at [the university] is applicable to my career interests for several reasons. Firstly, [the university] and I both have a strong commitment to diversity and research that benefits or highlights underrepresented communities. Your institution has a strong emphasis on environmental and justice related issues, and the Economics department is full of research that relates to that commitment: Professors A and B have published papers focused on climate change and the impact on disadvantaged communities and children (respectively); Professor C has many research articles relating to climate change and resource allocation; and Professor D has a lot of experience in analyzing policies around resource management.

Additionally, I am prepared and excited for a breadth of challenging coursework--a deep understanding of economic theory and practice is important for high-quality research and meaningful contributions. Because the professors and coursework in this department are well-known for their rigorous yet supportive nature, [the university] Economics is a clear best fit for me.

Having several years of tutoring experience before my undergraduate experience, I knew that I enjoyed teaching others as my way of fully understanding the material. In my first three years of college, I tutored other students in math, chemistry, and physics, however, my fourth year of undergraduate offered me a significantly more advanced role. Being a teaching assistant for PH 411, 412, and 415 (Introduction to Electronic for Physics Majors) was an exploration into lecturing and leading a laboratory class. The lab met twice a week, for three hours, and during the first hour of each session, I had the opportunity to lecture on what the class needed to know to complete the experiments and write a successful report. This TA experience allowed me to explore the material, update and redesign lab experiments, and determine what the class needed during the lecture portion to be successful. Because of this hands-on teaching experience and my proficiency in advanced Micro and Macroeconomics, I can hit the ground running if I am assigned to TA an undergraduate class.

With regard to my more recent economics training, I sought out the most relevant economics courses I could while working full-time. As a post-baccalaureate student last Spring, I took the most advanced undergraduate Macroeconomics course that my alma mater had to offer. After excelling in that course, I asked to attend the graduate-level Microeconomics course to better prepare can challenge myself. AEC 512 and 513 is broken up into two five-week accelerated Macroeconomics courses that covers the entirety of Walter Nicholson and Christopher Snyder's Microeconomic Theory book. Thus far, I finished AEC 512 in the top [getting specific percent of the class, somewhere like top 5 or 10 percent] percent of the class, and I have gotten 95% or better on all assignments or quizzes in 513.

I have a firm grasp of applied probability coming from physics, and I will be taking undergraduate statistics and econometrics in future terms this academic year. I will also be enrolling in two economics writing courses in research and policy this year to hone my professional writing and economic intuition.

After obtaining a PhD in economics, I plan to apply my research and teaching skills as a professor, conducting research which focuses on economic impacts of environmental policies on low-income and minority communities. A deeper discussion of this interest is in my contributions essay, but my commitment to research into issues of justice is founded in my exploration of my own identity and roots in a unique rural community. I have a strong desire to work with other economists and professionals in related fields to create original and substantial additions to the academic community that can inform policy-makers.

Hi Aaron, I am surprised that you are asking for help in reviewing your essay here considering that you already have professors advising you regarding the content and writing style of your essay. I am not sure if I can still be of help to you since you have this essay in a solid format at this point. I do not want to contradict any advice that your professors have given you. So I will try to limit my advice to only the parts that I think you can omit from this essay. Of course, it may run counter to what you were advised so feel free to ignore my advice if you feel that your professor's advice is better than what I am offering.

Your second paragraph, in my opinion, is more slanted towards a personal statement or the diversity / accomplishments / contributions essay. I am not sure if those are separate essays or one essay covering 3 areas. Whichever it is, the first paragraph is relevant to the diversity discussion.

Paragraph 5 is more of a pre-college experience and doesn't feel like it should be in this essay. Most of the information in this essay should focus on your college education and work experience. College internship programs would be a more relevant bit of information when compared to the tutoring experience prior to your undergraduate experience. I do not feel that it is right for you to be discussing the possibility of being assigned as a TA to an undergraduate class at this point. You should be focusing on selling yourself as a student first and foremost. Not approaching the university with a thinly veiled job inquiry. Sell your academics first. You can think about the TA opportunities once you are in the university and have already proven yourself in your classes.

I think that you should include information about your masters thesis and represent an idea as to how you plan to continue that research as a PhD student. That is, assuming that the two topics are related or connected. Most reviewers appreciate reading a summarized dissertation proposal because it shows the seriousness of the applicant to complete the course. Your essay could benefit from such a presentation because you have shown a strong inclination towards academic research.

Again, I do not wish to change anything that your professors have advised you to do. This is just my opinion / take on your essay and how it can be improved. I hope that I was able to help you out even a little. Good luck with your application.

Hello @Holt! Thank you for your feedback.

The advice I have received from professors regarding professional writing was from undergraduate courses three years ago, and this essay is cobbled together using my best attempt at google searching for advice--I've had no input from professors on this essay.

I am definitely open to changing the format/organization of the essay, so you shouldn't worry about it being in a solid format. And for paragraph 2, I have been cutting and pasting it back and forth between my two essays--my confusion is that the prompt for this essay says to give "your reasons for undertaking...your particular area of specialization...", and so I thought I needed some sort of motivation for minority issues in this essay since my specialization will be in environment/minority communities. But I think you're right, I need to get the personal details back into the achievements essay.

For paragraph 5, only the first sentence is about life before college, and the rest is about what I have done in college that extends my interest in teaching... maybe I should cut the first sentence though!

For my undergraduate thesis, I am definitely confused by where to put that information. Part of the achievements essay prompt is, "Please describe any aspects of your personal background, accomplishments, or achievements that you feel are important in evaluating your application for graduate study." So I feel like writing a thesis and doing prior research falls under the "accomplishments" of the achievements essay, but also the "past academic work" of my Statement of Purpose. Do you have any thoughts on that? The achievements essay prompt is huge though, with the above main prompt followed by multiple mini-prompts.

Achievements/Contribution Essay prompt:
[The university] is interested in a diverse and inclusive graduate student population. Please describe ...

My undergraduate thesis was in physics--completely unrelated to the field of economics, which is why I thought it might be strange to mention it in my SoP, and perhaps more suited for an achievements/contributions essay? As well, the only internship I did was in environmental law/policy/advocacy, and I haven't been able to figure out where to put that information yet, but was leaning toward the achievements essay because it, similarly, is not directly related to economics.

Thanks for your input, Holt! Having someone on the internet to help me think through these things is super helpful!