When I worked as a nurse assistant at a nursing home one of my patients was Tom. Tom has always been a very joyful person and every time I took care for him, he always greeted me with what I called a sunshine smile. But one day,he did not return my greeting with his usual smile. He was sad because his 'lady friend' has been moved to other end of the hall, and he is not able to see her since he can't walk that far unless someone assisted him. At that moment, it struck me how much enjoyment of life one can have just to be able to walk a few hundred feet.
The story was a one in many reasons why I decided to follow the path of being a physical therapist. I am a believer, that not only I enjoy helping people recovering from their illness, but also I shared the same vision as the physical therapist association. I believe to the extend that not only we should focus on movement while in recovering path, but also they are even more important in daily life, like exercising to maintain a healthy body. I believe in physical therapist because when my mom got a stroke last month, physical therapy has been my only hope for her to regain the ability to walk, to hold again. It is because all the best professionals in their fields, doctors, teachers, engineers, monks, and preachers are all believers. Believing in the same vision of APTA is my number one reason why I decided to walk this path. And it is also the reason why, as a future physical therapist, everything I said, every action I take, will be a representation of APTA's mission.
"Optimize" was rooted from Latin "optimum", originally in Biology referring to the best condition for growth. In APTA, optimizing movement is to effectively exercise our bodies to ensure the best conditions for our lifestyle to sustain. High blood pressure, heart attack, high cholesterol, and diabetes are often the results of an inactive body. The closest thing to a universal treatment that could help prevent almost all diseases listed above and free of cost for everyone it is exercise. However, the common mindsets is often retroactive instead of proactive against disease. A lot of money are spent on surgery, pills and treatments. I want to re-direct the mindset of my patients. I want to place an emphasis on the importance of preventive actions through fitness program and show them the benefits of being active. And by optimizing movement, we're not only maintain a healthy physical body, but also mentally benefit from it. Society also gets benefit, as preventive health means less treatment cost. Like dentist for oral health or family doctor for general illnesses, I envision that in the future, physical therapist should become a more accessible and permanent figure to the patients, as someone they will consult in first tier for their healthy lifestyles.
In America, we have a diversified population, and the knowledge about preventive health care is even lacking for the group with lower incomes or immigrants. Taking example in my community, the Vietnamese community in San Diego is one of the most populated ethnics group in San Diego, but there are only 5 out of 843 physical therapies in San Diego are Vietnamese. It's because the culture they inherited have taught them to visit doctor only when they get sick. Or it could be because they are too busy making a living, and taking their physical ability for granted, hence neglecting it. One way or the other, there is a substantial gap between these communities and the understanding of the standard healthcare in general, or the understanding of preventive physical therapy in specific. Even the young Vietnamese group gets wrong ideas sometimes, one said "physical therapy career are not meant for Vietnamese". And I understand because the system doesn't reach their parents, and the parents then cannot pass their guidance to their children. But I want to change that. I want to be the bridge that connects our system to my community.
I have pursue physical therapy career since I started on my career path, and not even once I swayed my opinion about my career choice. I have the passion, the vision, the belief and I have very clear goals to achieve.
ANY comments, feedback is greatly appreciated.
Phu, you have a tendency to lecture the reviewer. You often refer to information that the association has already established and is already well known to the members or physical therapists. Please don't do that. Telling the reviewer that you know the textbook definition for the word optimize does not help him learn anything more about the reasons behind your desire to become a physical therapist. Try to avoid mentioning common sense information in your statement unless you can connect it to a deeper meaning within the context of your desire to become a PT.
Would you kindly clarify what the APTA statement that you are responding to is? At this point, I cannot tell which part of the statement is supposed to be a response to their question and which part is solely your personal statement. I have to know what the specific question is so that I can tell if you seamlessly blended the response for both and used the personal aspect of the statement to respond to the APTA statement successfully. The perfect blend of these two answers into one statement is often the goal of writing these combined response essays.
Your last few sentences are not really strong enough to make an impact in your essay. You are reiterating your qualifications as an applicant but there is not enough evidence of that in your essay. Your first paragraph story needs to be better developed so that it can convincingly portray itself to the reviewer as one, if not the main reason, that you decided to become a physical therapist. In my opinion, I would rather have seen you use the story of your mother having a stroke and her physical therapy process as the main factor for your career desire. Having a personal connection with regards to your decision to pursue a career usually has a stronger impact than the incomplete, romantic story of a patient whom you do not really have a strong personal bond with.
Phu, I'd like to share my thoughts, one paragraph at a time.
- ButHowever, one day,he did not return
- has been moved to the other end of the hall, and
- The story was a one inof many reasons
- I am a believer, that not only I enof the joy in helping
- people recovering from their illness, butand also I shared
- I believe to the extend that not onlyW e should focus on the patients movement
- while in recovering path, but also they areand even more important in daily life,
- I want to place an emphasis on the importance
- of being active. Andand by optimizing movement,
- we're not only maintaining a healthy physical body,
- The s ociety also gets benefit,
- as preventive health means less treatment cost. L, l ike dentist
- for oral health or family doctor for general illnesses ,
- as someone they will consult in first tier for theirtowards healthy lifestyles.
Phu, this are my initial remarks, as you can see there is quite a lot of remarks, I'll get back to you for the rest of the essay.
Now the last two paragraphs of your essay.
- care is even lacking forscarce especially for the group
-Taking example inM y community for example ,
- is one of the most populated ethnics group in San Diego(you have already established the location ) ,
- but there are only 5 out of 843 physical therapiestherapist in San
- Diego who are Vietnamese.
- It's because the culture they inherited have taught them to visit the doctor only when they get sick.
- OrI t could be because they are
- too busy making a living, and taking their
- And( starting your sentence with the word "and" is not advisable ) I understand
- But I want to change that., I want to be the bridge...
- I haveI'd like to pursue physical
- therapy career since I started on my career path, and not even once
There you have it Phu, as you can see there are still a few remarks made in the essay and I hope it enhanced the essay.
For future reference, you have to avoid using negative words such as "but" and also, avoid using the word "and" at the beginning of your sentence.
