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'the realm of computer networking' - Review of Statement of Purpose for Graduate

vinayve 1 / 1  
Oct 21, 2012   #1
Hi All,

I shall be applying for graduate studies and I have my SOP ready for it. I would humbly request the moderators to review it and suggest corrective changes.

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"The feeling I experience every time I use the internet is perhaps close to what Aladdin felt each time he used his fabled lamp. This all-knowing invention has cast an ethereal web, entrapping the world and making it a compact place. Only recently did I begin to understand the technology behind this revolutionary framework.

Science had a lasting impact on me ever since my schooling days which saw me become the Secretary for the Science and Astro-Physics club, budding my urge to become a part of scientific community. It was a conspicuous choice to pursue a career in Engineering after graduating from High School considering my predilection for science. I eventually enrolled myself in an under graduation Engineering program in the stream of Electrical and Electronic at B.M.S. College of Engineering in Bangalore.

The time spent during under graduation brought with it an enlivening experience ensuring my development both as an individual and a burgeoning engineer. I was engaged in multitudinous courses in Electrical and Computer science during the span of this time. My assiduousness in gaining a holistic understanding of any given topic of study reinforced with my desire to succeed enabled the conclusion of my four years of under graduate education by securing the 4th rank in my university which comprises of over 150 engineering colleges across the state and thus earning me the 1st rank in my class.

Being a part of science projects provided unique opportunities to initiate inter-departmental collaborations. During my senior year, I had designed an online banking application along with fellow students from Computer Science Dept to perform routine banking operations. We had followed Model-View-Controller architecture using Java classes for modeling, HTML and JSP for viewing and Servlet for controlling. Oracle 11g was used as a backend database which was queried via SQL/PLSQL.

My eagerness to learn beyond the course of my curriculum guided my participation in a study on Carbon Nano Tubes along with fellow seniors working in association with the Indian Institute of science (IISc ) . I was awarded the third prize in a regional level paper presentation competition called Present around the World Contest (PATW) organized by the Institution of Engineering and Technology (IET) for my presentation on Carbon Nano Tubes Field Effect Transistors in Bangalore.

My academic project during my senior year was on building an electrical panel for "Softstarters" at ABB Ltd under the guidance of Mr. XYZ, Product Manager, ABB Ltd. We had tested the panel in comparison with conventional methods of Induction motor starting and recorded its performance when applied to conveyer belts.

I had the privilege of serving as the chairman of the Research Committee of the IEEE student Chapter of my college. As a result of my superlative academic performance at the Electrical Dept., I was awarded many scholarships during my under graduation.

My first glimpse into the realm of computer networking came at the most opportune time when I was presented with a prospect of working at Cisco Systems soon after graduation. I thus began a whole new journey exploring the frontiers of data communication over the internet. I started with trainings on multifarious networking concepts starting with network architectures, TCP/IP models (OSI and TCP models), and the intricacies involved in IP address subnetting. Thanks to the well-equipped and highly sophisticated lab facilities present in-house, understanding of rather challenging technologies like protocols of the nature of OSPF and EIGRP along with various LAN switching concepts became much simpler. Having built a basic foundation in wired data networks, I was able to gain expertise on wireless networking involving modulation techniques, wireless security concerns and quality of service and implementing them of a number of Cisco devices ranging from an autonomous access point to a Unified Network Architecture comprising of a wireless LAN controller.

The time I have spent in Cisco has enabled me to be a part of some of the most cutting edge technology in the market. My Core area delves deeply into the realm of wireless networking intent on providing networking solutions to many high end customers across the world.

During my course of career in Cisco, I have obtained the Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA) Certification and presently working on obtaining the CCNA and CCNP- Wireless Certification. I am also involved in Socket programming, an interest developed off late.

The industry experience thus obtained has enriched my desire to explore further into the realm of networking. I aspire to become a researcher in the field of Computer Networks preferably within the ambience of academia or at the industry level.

Stanford University has a long-standing tradition of producing the world's preeminent graduates and researchers. Computer Networking is one of the prominent researching concerns at Stanford sustained by its rich legion of faculty and students. It has been my continual dream to obtain a Master's degree from the dept. of EECS specializing in computer networks under the guidance of Prof NM or Prof PL.

I am greatly enthused by the research work carried out at the XYZ and "XYZ". The prime focus of research under these groups being predominantly on XYZ and XYZ greatly aligns with my areas of interest. Having been introduced to wireless networking at Cisco, the research at Stanford carried on wireless technologies greatly stimulates my curiosity.

I have recently been enrolled into the online teaching sessions on "An Introduction to Computer Networks" by Prof NM and Prof PL. It has thus far been an elucidating experience being a part of this course and it has left me with a feeling of wanting more.

I thus believe that a Graduate degree from Stanford specializing in Computer Networks would be a perfect launch pad to propel me into pursuing a career in research and assist in the realization my long-term goal.

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Thanks and regards,
abhijeetnayak 1 / 10  
Oct 23, 2012   #2

Seriously your SOP lacks content to get you an admit to Stanford.
"The feeling I experience every time I use the internet is perhaps close to what Aladdin felt each time he used his fabled lamp."

How do you know what Aladdin felt and how his experience is related to yours ?

This all-knowing invention has cast an ethereal web, entrapping the world and making it a compact place. <- Whats new in this.. everyone knows about it. Don't waste space in intro para.

If you are targeting top notch universities like Stanford, you have to significantly improve your sop. You touched many technologies but does not show any deep interest.

OP vinayve 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2012   #3
Hi Abhijeet,

Thank you for providing me that feed back. I feel so too having read through your comments.

I shall seriously revise my intro para and include details more specific to the course I am applying to. Hopefully, I get another review once I make those changes.

Thanks again,

admission2012 - / 478 90  
Oct 24, 2012   #4

Who helped you write this? This essay is not good at all. First of all you use big SAT words that make your statement sound overly stuffy. Save that for undergraduate applications. For graduate school, the admissions committee is trying to find out how you will utilize the resources available at the school. Secondly, this essay reads as though you are boasting about yourself - "As a result of my superlative academic" and so on....Take your experiences and talk about how this program will help you grow and explore. That is what any graduate school admissions counselor wants to see and read in a statement of purpose. Lastly, talk about the Program, The Program, The Program- Why this program, Why now? -AAO

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