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Review of Why do you want to pursue an MS-MIS degree at Mays Business School? -Pallavi Thakur..


pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 4, 2015   #1
In early 2015, a friend of mine commenced his MS MIS programme in Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh. It was then that I was introduced to the course and started my research on it. I liked the fact that Management Information System works as a bridge between management and technology. And hence, I commenced looking at the colleges to apply for the course myself.

We all are cognizant of the TAMU's brand denomination. It has excellent programs, renowned faculty, first-rate infrastructure, and illimitable opportunities - making TAMU a great university to study in. But, there is more that sets the MS MIS programme apart. When I checked the course structure, I found that it was aligned to my goals.

I believe that the MS MIS program at Mays Business School has the best amalgamation of the courses. The course coalesced with my technical experience would help me bring the best in me.

I am looking forward to the core courses such as MIS Project Management, Advanced Database Management, and Data Warehousing. The program offers a great set of electives and I am very hopeful to study elective courses such as IT Security Control, Security Management and Compliance, and Business and Corporate Strategy. I have performed genuinely well in the subjects like Database Administrator, System Design and Analysis during my graduation in India and I hope that the experience will avail me getting incite in the subjects.

In addition to the program structure, the Mays Business School's 'Center for the Management of Information Systems (CMIS)' and 'Career Management Center' offers a variety of opportunities for introducing students to understand the corporate atmosphere. CMIS events such as Leadership Retreat, Scholarships and CMIS Case Competition are a great place to learn, and I am certain that such events will definitely help me hone my presentation and analytical skills. I am certain that these programs will polish me to boost my chances of consummating my vocation ambitions.

All the college organisations are a great place to learn. For example, the 'Business Information Technology Students organisation' is a great place for knowledge. Then we have, 'Women in IT' group -I believe that today women are consistently working to make an impact in the IT industry. The work women are doing is paving the way towards better opportunities for Women in IT. I am certain that the school will avail me develop skills so that I am able to integrate value in the industry. Verbally expressing that, I am exhilarated to be part of 'Women in IT' for organizing sundry convivial activities, service activities and company networking events. I am hopeful that with my subsisting experience in event management, I would be able to learn with organising different events. I am keen to be a part of such a Business School which is so concerned in ascertaining that students achieve their goals by inspiriting and conducting such programs.

Given an opportunity to graduate from Mays Business School, I would be able to exploit the preeminent coalescence of business and technical expertise in order to better serve the industry. The MS MIS programme will not only help me in achieving this ambition but will serve as an impeccable platform to progress towards my desired career.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 5, 2015   #2
Pallavi, are you supposed to be writing a personal statement or a statement of purpose? I would like you clarify that point because those two essay types have different requirements. From the sounds of your title, it sounds like you are supposed to represent the reason why you want to pursue this line of study, making it a statement of purpose. Yes, I believe that is what you are trying to write. As such, whether it be a personal statement or statement of purpose, you have written a very weak essay that does not contain any substance of note.

You cannot just tell a reviewer that you decided to take up this masters degree program based upon the fact that you have a colleague who decided to take the course, making you interested in it. It gets even worse because you mention that you did research in the field, helping you realize that this line of study is aligned with your goals. That is a general statement that says something without saying anything.

As such, you need to adjust the essay in order to give it a sense of purpose. Consider aligning these studies with your work related interests or activities. Think about how you can better relate the studies to your profession in order to create a connection or purpose for your studies. Just saying you thought of taking it up upon the influence of other people and your research does not serve as a purpose. What is the technical experience you speak of? Again, relate your current career to your academic interest at this point.

Think about how this course is supposed to create a better professional future for yourself. Where do you see your career headed after this? Those are some of the factors that create a sense of purpose or reasons for you to pursue the MS-MIS degree. It has nothing to do with the credentials of the university nor the extra curricular activities it offers. Those are parts of this essay that you definitely have to remove in order to concentrate on the central theme of the prompt.

If you can revise the essay to relate more relevant information, then we can work on creating a polished version that will best present your interests to the reviewer.
OP pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 5, 2015   #3
Thanks for the review. I understand the problem here.

Actually, we have to answer four different questions in the essay requirement of Mays Business School.

Below are the questions:
1. Why do you want to pursue an MS-MIS degree at Mays Business School?
2. What are your career goals, and how will this degree help you achieve those goals?
3. Describe your background and personal/professional accomplishments, and how they demonstrate your potential
for success in this degree and your career.
4. Describe an ethical dilemma that you have personally encountered. What alternatives did you consider, and why?
DO NOT tell us what you decided to do.

As I am giving answers to each question separately, I have explained details of career goals and personal/ professional accomplishments in those questions.

Shall I provide those essays as well.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 5, 2015   #4
Just to clarify, do you mean there are 4 different essays that you have to write? Or there are 4 guide questions for a single essay? there is a big difference between the two as separate essay questions means you have to write 4 essays and 4 guide questions means you have to write only one statement of purpose. So which of the two are you supposed to do? Can you post the actual instructions regarding the prompt you are responding to, including the questions so I can analyze what exactly you have to accomplish?

You see, the first 3 questions you posted are the exact guide questions provided by universities for the statement of purpose. Those are questions that are to be answered in only 1 essay. I need to decipher whether or not you should write a single statement of purpose or not. Only then can I tell you if you have to post all 4 essays here or if you just have to revise this single essay.

The question you currently have posed " Why do you want to pursue..." is normally considered a statement of purpose prompt which is why I advised you in the previous manner. Now that you have provided additional information, we need to figure out whether it is a multiple essay project or a single essay prompt. I look forward to your posting the actual instructions when you have the time.
OP pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 5, 2015   #5
Hello,

Please find the instructions below:

APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS FOR MS MANAGEMENT INFORMATION SYSTEMS (MS-MIS)
The essay questions below are required as a part of your application submission. Please limit each response to two
pages (double-spaced). The questions should be addressed in four separate essays, but may be uploaded as a single
file.
1. Why do you want to pursue an MS-MIS degree at Mays Business School?
2. What are your career goals, and how will this degree help you achieve those goals?
3. Describe your background and personal/professional accomplishments, and how they demonstrate your potential
for success in this degree and your career.
4. Describe an ethical dilemma that you have personally encountered. What alternatives did you consider, and why?
DO NOT tell us what you decided to do.

Thanks for the time.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 5, 2015   #6
There is no need to present the other essays at this point. I now understand what it is you have to do. My answer remains the same. You need to focus only on the academic aspect of your desire to pursue your MS studies at Mays Business School. There are only certain aspects you have to concentrate on such as more believable reasons you want to pursue your studies at this school. Like I said, the reasoning you have currently presented is too shallow and cannot be considered a valid reason for your choice of school. Try to come up with something else that does not relate to being enticed by your friend or the research you did.

Don't discuss the courses in general. Talk about the specific courses you are planning to take and its relation to your future goals. There is nothing in the other essay questions that ask you to discuss that so you should do it in this essay. This is your only chance to show the serious purpose of your desire to attend MS studies so make it count. They don't need to know which subjects you excel in. Instead, tell them how certain courses will further enhance your abilities in relation to your previous training and studies.

There are parts of your essay that sound more like you are telling the reviewer the most commonly known reasons for attending their university instead of creating a strong connection with your personal and professional reasons for doing so. Parts such as :

In addition to the program structure, the Mays Business School's 'Center for the Management of Information Systems (CMIS)' and 'Career Management Center' offers a variety of opportunities for introducing students to understand the corporate atmosphere. CMIS events such as Leadership Retreat, Scholarships and CMIS Case Competition are a great place to learn, and I am certain that such events will definitely help me hone my presentation and analytical skills. I am certain that these programs will polish me to boost my chances of consummating my vocation ambitions.

can be omitted because you don't really connect it to your purpose for wishing to attend the school. Unless you can create a stronger connection other than helping you hone your presentation and analytical skills, then the paragraph is just plain weak and irrelevant. Connect it to your future goals. It is the realization of your future goals that give you a purpose for attending this school.
OP pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 5, 2015   #7
Thanks for the guidance.
I will update this essay and share it here again.
OP pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 12, 2015   #8
Hello,
I have updated the essay; please review.

Information Technology has evolved to be a driving force for any organisation. This evolution that has necessitated effective IT solutions for optimum performance and growth of an organisation amazes me. I wish to combine technical and business knowledge excellently in order to enhance my expertise. Be a pioneer in IT-Management with the efficacious application of Business strategies and giving technology edge to my employer.

With six years of university education and three years thriving in a competitive, customer-focused Airline domain project, I have developed strong technical skills and learnt few Management methodologies. However, IT being an ever growing sector, I need to equip myself with the key IT strategy and management skills. I am certain that my technical and management experience (Service and Change Management) would act a foundation to obtain higher expertise in IT Management.

The courses offered in MS MIS program at Mays Business School are aligned to my goals. Beyond the valuable core courses such as MIS Project Management, Advanced Database Management, and Data Warehousing, electives such as IT Security Control, Security Management and Compliance, and Business and Corporate Strategy are a great source of knowledge for a career in IT Management. I am certain that they would help me to have an in-depth knowledge of the IT-Strategies to understand and leverage the customer, employees, and process with technology.

With my MS MIS program at Mays Business School, I will be able to bring my past to full potential and gain these skills for maximum career growth in IT Management. The program does not just offers a great course structure but has renowned faculty, first-rate infrastructure, and illimitable career opportunities through Center for the Management of Information Systems (CMIS)' and women empowered groups such as 'Women In IT'.

I will be overwhelmed to study under the guidance of the Director, Center for the Management of Information Systems, Ms Robin Starnes. With her extensive experience in the IT and the education industry coupled with mentoring of eminent professors such as Mr Gregory R. Heim and Ms Louise Darcey, I am certain that I will expand my skills in Operation Management and Java Technology. My experience of project development using Java Technology and in Service-Change Management would serve as a foundation to gain extended expertise.

Given an opportunity to graduate from Mays Business School, TAMU which has such a brand denomination, I would be able to exploit the preeminent mingle of business and technical expertise in order to better serve the industry. The MS MIS program will not only help me in achieving this ambition but will serve as an impeccable platform to progress towards my desired career.

Financial assistance in the form of on-campus working opportunities (e.g., graduate assistant) or scholarship from your side will be greatly salutary to me in this regard.
anujyadav7547 1 / 4  
Dec 16, 2015   #9
Hi Pallavi,

while you do the changes, can you change the text 'TAMU' to Texas A & M. I have learned from one of the alumni that TAMU sounds unprofessional to adcomms

Thanks,
Anuj
OP pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 17, 2015   #10
Thanks Anuj,

I will update the name.
anujyadav7547 1 / 4  
Dec 17, 2015   #11
Hi Pallavi,

It good to see that you have mentioned the faculty members in essay. A piece of advise, Ms Robin Starnes is dean and you might not be interacting with her directly. I would suggest to remove her name from the list. Also, it would be great if you mention some of the publications or research of the professors mentioned. That would add to the credibilty that you have actually done research about them and are actually impressed by there work.

Also, @Vengispen, wouldn't it be nice if Pallavi mentions her short term and long term goal in the essay? I believe, goals, if clearly outlined, give a picture of awareness of candidate in the area of interest. Please do suggest.

Thanks,
Anuj
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 17, 2015   #12
Anuj, there are some deans in colleges and universities who actually take on course loads and double up as professors. Some of them are also doing intricate research on the side while at the university, so there is a possibility that Pallavi may interact with the dean in the person's capacity as a professor at the department. While you make a good point about not mentioning the name directly, if Pallavi knows that he has a chance of interacting with this person, and he really wants to work with the professor, then it should be mentioned. As for the publications and journals, only the relevant research that Pallavi can connect to his own research at the university should be mentioned. The achievements of the professors are not his to claim as his own so it should be mentioned as limited as possible and only in relation to any future work that Pallavi wishes to do at the university. This essay is solely concerned with his academics and nothing more. The prompt is very specific about that.

Now, if you reviewed the earlier discussion that Pallavi and I have been having regarding the format and content of his essay, you will see that he already mentioned his career goals in a separate essay that he submitted. Which is why he does not need to discuss it again. There is no sense in repeating discussions that the prompt already said belongs to a totally separate essay. He does not need to discuss it again here.

In the future, before you give advice, please read the complete thread and try to understand what the contributor and the student are already doing because your advice, if it runs counter to the work that has already been done, can negatively affect the essay of the student, to the point where the student might feel that he has to rewrite his whole essay when in reality, the work he has already done is exactly what he has to do to satisfy the prompt.


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