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B-School Graduate Essay (within 500-word) - marketing program MS at the Carey business school of JHU


Honghaoli 1 / 4 2  
Oct 8, 2017   #1
Hi Everyone,

I am applying the ms in marketing program at the Carey business school of JHU. I have drafted the first version of the required essay, and will appreciate any comments.

business with humanity in mind



Prompt: Business with humanity in mind means many things to different people. Please explain what business with humanity in mind means to you and how you will apply your knowledge, skills and abilities to advance this ideal over the next five years. You may elaborate on any past experience you have had which demonstrates your commitment and interest in this area (500-word maximum).

Devoted to a career that not only brings values to me but also to the young generation is what business with humanities in mind means to me.

This perception came in being after I joined AIESEC, a global non-profit organization in my university. As an English major, I learned that though most of us were expected to work as translators, some aspire to work in the business world. That is why I organized a free seminar preparing majors of humanities on business-internship seeking. I led the team of 6 members to identify, negotiate, and signed the contract with 3 sponsors for event budget. I invited 3 alumni of AIESEC to share their transformation from liberal arts students to management consultant, auditor, and PR executive in front of more than 200 students. This event was applauded by local newspapers and consequently gave us much-needed exposure. But my self-fulfillment came a half year later when attendee told me that how the seminar helps them to network, to prepare the interview, and to acquire internships and even full-time jobs.

Through this mutual-help experience, I acquired this empathy that is crucial to my career advancement. In NET-A-PORTER, I expanded my connection in the fashion industry by tireless introducing newly graduated designers to major fashion magazines. In Uber, I witnessed its rise and fall in China and understood that why DIDI have the upper hand by a different young talent approach. Moving to Danone, my learning curve was steeped. While dedicated to improving the sales volume of our products on leading e-commerce clients, I generated marketing campaigns of the biggest shopping festival for start-ups operated by peer entrepreneurs. By fostering the start-ups, I learned how to evaluate the early stage e-commerce platforms, but most importantly, give them tailored marketing support for growth.

This empathy can be reflected in my short-term career goal as well. I experienced the difficulties living in the metropolitans, especially for fresh graduate who might be baffled by the prohibitive living cost. Yet as someone who cares the lifestyle of his peers, I want to create a quality yet affordable life for them. Thus, after my post-graduate studies, I plan to work in NetEast Life Selection owned by its namesake internet technology giant in China. In this e-commerce, I want to continue to provide sophisticated household designs at affordable prices. Moreover, I envisioned to open Experience Centers nearby universities. In the centers decorated as homes, students can read the concept, the manufacturing process, and consumer review behind each product by scanning via AR technology that NetEase is exploring. After the comparison, they can buy it on the mobile app at a student-discount price accompanied by 30-day refund policy in case they bought something beyond the budget. With the commitment to upgrade the living of young generation, I want to design, manufacture, and market game-changing products that are not only profitable for the corporate but is also for the young customers.

***end***

I'd appreciate if you can answer my questions below after reading.

1. Did you think this essay answered the prompt properly?

2. Is this a united essay where all the paragraphs and sentences are cohesive?

3. Did this essay properly properly address my thesis statement in the first paragraph?

4. Can you have a vague portrait about who I am in reality and do you think my qualities fit for b-school?

5.Most importantly! How do you think my career goal? Is it a feasible one that can be achieved after graduation?


You don't have to answer all the questions but I do hope that you can answer the last one concerning the career goal.

Thank you very much and have a good one!

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Oct 8, 2017   #2
HongHao, your response is not effective because it doesn't address the prompt in the proper manner. In order for you to properly write this essay, you need to first, understand what the motto behind "Business with humanity in mind" is all about. You need to consider a number of factors in response to this essay such as the classes that are taught at the Carey Business School that are aligned with that concept. There are 3 classes that you need to focus on in response to the essay. These are:

1. The Innovation for Humanity Experience
2. Discovery to Market
3. CityLab

These are the courses that embody the "Business with humanity in mind" concept. Understand what these courses are about first, then align your experiences and essay content to suit the course curriculum of these 3 classes. Then you will have properly responded to the essay. I will not comment on your questions at this point, including your career goal because the essay is not properly written. Once you have completed your understanding of these 3 business school elements at Carey, then you will find yourself changing the total essay and, quite possibly, your 5 year career goal as well.
OP Honghaoli 1 / 4 2  
Oct 8, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thank you so much. I will check the courses on the JHU website and revise my essay!
mingru 2 / 3  
Oct 16, 2017   #4
I'm applying for Carey this year as well. Just based on what I've known about their 'business with humanity' slogan, I think you should tell more about how you have created values or help promote the society through your work. School explained it as 'doing good while doing well', hence it's important that you leverage both in your essay.

Good luck!


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