Hello guys, I'm new here and was hoping to gain some feedback regarding my personal statement to dental school. I have done many of my own revisions but a different reader provides a fresh set of eyes and allows for me to better perceive the impact of my statement. Currently, I am above the character count by around 500-600 characters (spaces, carriages, etc). I was hoping someone could help me in condensing this a little, proofreading for grammar/syntax errors, and guide me on whether my voice is present. Also, whether the essay is strong in the sense that it would provide admissions committees a way to get to know me better and answer the question of why I want to be a dentist. Than you in advance.
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"Shukrya, boht mehrbani!" exclaimed the Lahore villagers with expressions of relief gleaming from their faces. This translates to "thank you, we are deeply indebted to your service". Children compared and bartered their new, colorful toothbrushes, which were starkly different from their miswaks (roots of the Peelu tree used for teeth cleaning without water or toothpaste). To many children and adults this was their first real toothbrush. As I taught the intrigued children on how to use their new "tool", I was overjoyed to see their jubilant smiles, hear their gleeful laughter, and witnessed firsthand the extensive impacts of dentistry.
Jinnah Medical Complex is unlike most medical organizations in Pakistan. Physicians and dentists provide free treatments to anyone who cannot afford care or lack access to healthcare facilities. Through mobile health camps, we served remote villages that did not even have access to electricity or running water. In Ichara, I observed and assisted dentists on many patients that had never seen a dentist before. As such, there was a severe lack of oral health awareness, and many cases of infections could have been prevented through knowledge of proper oral hygiene. Many patients endured years of turmoil simply because no resources existed to remedy their discomfort. Despite these barriers, it became evident that the chief concern of a dentist was to serve the underprivileged and improve the wellbeing of their patients. This invaluable experience allowed me to broaden my understanding of dentistry and evoked indescribable satisfaction by seeing agony transform into exuberance. It was in these obscure Pakistani villages that I corroborated my desire in becoming a dentist.
Like many of the patients in Lahore, I did not have the opportunity to receive proper dental care in my adolescence. My parents left behind their lives in Pakistan and immigrated to the United States in pursuit of better opportunities. Although they worked very hard to provide for our family, dental care was not an immediate concern. After suffering from chronic pain in my molars, they brought me to Dr. C, a general dentist. After examining my teeth, Dr. C informed me that despite my oral hygiene, I had caries that arose from a diet superfluous in refined carbohydrates, which is all too typical of college students. Over the course of many visits, he built rapport and guided me in understanding the importance of oral health and its influence on systemic health. His sleight of hand in using his instruments fascinated me. The meticulous craft and precision of his work exhibited a discernible interest in my welfare and made me feel incredibly fortunate.
The words of Dr. C resonated with me as I embarked on a journey to take better care of my teeth and health in general. Due to challenges in adapting to the unfamiliar structure of college, I had forgone many proper nutritional and study habits. I became accustomed to long, caffeinated nights abundant in junk food which hampered my performance in classes, even though I believed at the time it was my best effort. Consequently, my grades and self-esteem suffered, and I realized something had to change in order for me to achieve my goal in becoming a dentist. I heeded the advice of Dr. C and regimented a more nutritious diet and exercise routine, paired with a balanced study schedule. As a result of my continuous efforts, I had lost over 100 pounds and became more competent in all aspects of my life. I developed strong time management skills and found an approach which allowed me to harmoniously balance my coursework, community involvement, and health. Throughout my journey, I unlocked my true potential and thrived during my intensive senior year. Paramount to my success was Dr. C's guidance in cultivating habits that ensured I was taking proper care of my teeth. This alone cascaded into immense personal growth and prosperity, and affirmed how imperative oral health is on one's overall heath.
Simply put, the impact that oral health has had in my personal life sparked my interest in dentistry and fostered a sense of compassion and purpose. The fundamental tenets of dentistry combine aiding the underserved and enhancing the quality of life of individuals, two attributes that closely resemble my values. The desire to help relieve a distressed patient was a universal quality in the dentists I have shadowed in both the United States and Pakistan. Whether it is teaching oral hygiene in Lahore, or an orthodontist creating a radiant smile, dentists directly build confidence in their patients and allow them to attain their full capacity. I exemplify the tremendous results that can transpire when a patient is given proper guidance from a caring dentist. These experiences have shaped my life and led me to a career where I can reciprocate the compassion that my dentist had for me, to others in the position I was once in. To me, dentistry goes far beyond the scope of the oral cavity, rather, it allows for the development of a rewarding relationship with patients. I am confident that with my determination and strong background in science, I will be able to withstand the rigors of dental school. Furthermore, I believe my clinical experiences have allowed me to clearly communicate with patients in an intensive environment, and provide the utmost care for their needs. Dentistry encompasses all of the characteristics and interests that I value the most, and is the perfect avenue for me to accomplish my desires.
I was overjoyed to see their jubilant smiles, hear their gleeful laughter, and witnessed firsthand the extensive impacts of dentistry.
Im just a high school senior who is trying to give helpful advice to other people so I can post in a new thread. That being said I don't claim to be a master of grammar. However, I think in this sentence "witnessed" should be changed to "witness". Just a thought i could be wrong. Overall I love the diction you use. Good Job!
