So I thought I could use the UBC essay and structure it into my essay for Virginia Tech but it's proving a little difficult as they said it should remain between 1-2 pages and mine is like 2.25 pages. The instructions they provided, even though I do know you guys are aware of them, are as below:
I wrote a statement but I would need help fixing it and possibly making it stronger. Deadline for application FOR funded applicants is in 2 days (15th) so I would need to work on this tediously to submit it before that.
"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
I have always been an ardent follower of Roosevelt's ideology of striving to alleviate the needs of the masses. From my academic to the various projects I completed and even my professional life, I have always strived to innovate solutions that could assist the helpless. And through my various phases in life, I have discovered that the most adept way to provide solutions that could benefit others would be through research. Pursuing and attaining a PhD degree will help me gain greater research experience in generating solutions for social impact, and act as a platform through which I can contribute to the field of technology and solutions development on a greater level.
While pursuing my undergraduate degree, I was always engrossed myself in numerous activities to help me find what I wanted to devote my life to. Working 30 hours (full time almost) every week as an undergraduate teaching assistant for the Engineering and English department from my Junior Year while I was studying, definitely helped me in finding a purpose. Fostering young minds and stimulating students to solve problems that plague society through innovative projects was always enjoyable. It was so enjoyable that I joined and worked as a lab instructor at my university for the database management and web technology courses during my final semester in Fall 2013. Committing myself to such an enormous load of work was ambitious and difficult but I was able to strive and graduate in the top 10% of my class. During this time, I was also struggling, but somehow, able to maintain my merit based scholarship that allowed me access to a 50 percent tuition fee discount each semester. My thesis on "Using NFC and Wi-Fi To Automate Various Processes In An Educational Institution" was well received by peers and professors alike, with many singling it out for the innovate approach I took at solving common problems regarding information dissemination standards. I also took part in various programming competitions during the same period and did freelance automation of various processes in educational institutions such as schools. Back in 2013, I reached one of the early pinnacles of my burgeoning career as a solutions developer and researcher, when I created an app for dynamic healthcare as part of an inter-university programming contest. The app would not only provide patients with health services and general health information, but would also monitor symptoms and track migratory patterns to notify medical professionals of possible epidemics. Once I graduate, I started working as a Research Associate at a multinational organization, Dnet. I conducted research and developed solutions through programming on various national and international projects involving cloud computing, android, web app development, and sustainable energy source development. I have worked on establishing cheap means of monitoring heart health and blood pressure readings through mobile data and using portable pedal power as a cheap source of electricity for villagers. I have for the Missing Child Alert (MCA) project team to create a platform for government organizations, NGOs and relevant stakeholders to combat trafficking in South Asia. However to contribute to the society to a greater degree requires a bigger platform and greater knowledge.
A PhD under an exceptionally accredited university such as the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University opens a host of possibilities for me. Working under professors such as Dr. Naren Ramakrishnan and Stephen H. Edwards, who are conducting definitive research in the fields of information, digital education and software engineering would be great honor for me. As I have a thorough background in health service automation, pattern analysis and epidemic alert, Dr Ramakrishnan's work on satellite imagery analysis of hospital parking lots to attain information on Disease Outbreaks struck a chord with me. And Dr Edwards's research on procrastination in class and ways of combating it is very interesting as well, given my background in Java programming and my thesis, which had a strong focus on information dissemination to assist in digital education. These researches have been aimed for the masses. Dr Edwards's work on providing online teaching support as well as his innovative approach into gaming as a part of education, all are highly fascinating projects to work on. Furthermore, Dr Barbara Ryder's project regarding the implementation of peer-led team learning for under-represented groups provides a highly innovative approach towards addressing so many issues faced by our generation of students, a field I would love to explore. Being able to contribute to the field of computer science and technology, primarily how information flows in educational institutions or large organizations, or solving other social issues primarily those concerning health, through automation and research, has always been my aim. Through the extensive curriculum, exceptionally gifted professors and exposure to a vast array of research opportunities, attaining a PhD in Computer Science under the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University will help me progress in reaching my aim , that of aligning my personal evolution to that of society , especially those who have too little.
As always, thanks for your help Louisa. You helped me gain confidence in submitting my past essays and I hope we can do a great job on this one as well. :)
Ishaqur, I edited your essay and it seems to have come out to a little over a page. It is like 1.5 pages I think. Let me know if it appears the same to you. What we have right now is a work in progress and we have 48 hours to finalize it. So read this and let me know if you think it alright or if you want to do some more work on the content. I'll see what we can do about the additions to may want to make. Here we go!
From my academic endeavors, the various projects I completed ...
Hey Louisa, thanks for the quick edit. I did some editing of my own and I feel like the line "Committing myself to such an enormous load of work was ambitious and difficult but I was able to strive and graduate in the top 10% of my class. During this time, I was also struggling, but somehow, able to maintain my merit based scholarship that allowed me access to a 50 percent tuition fee discount each semester." would be great for my application but I can't quite think where to put it because as you can see we are swamped on space. I tried editing it as we did with the others but something seems off, maybe it's a lack of effective transition? I can't quite put my finger on it. And the strict limitations, 1-2 pages AND double spaced is definitely adding to the pressure of writing an effective personal statement for academic and professional goals.
...
