SOP for Graduate Admission: computers and business

please check my SOP and comment on it

Statement of Purpose

Computers have always been my preferred domain ever since my first year in high school. As the time passed the extraordinary development in the computer field both in the hardware and especially in the software have further stimulated my interest and encouraged me to choose computer sciences as higher studies.

I did my undergraduate degree from Iqra University which is well known for its comprehensive program in Computer Sciences and for its knowledgeable faculty. During my first year I studied about the basic architecture of computers and different algorithm and structures for writing code and use different low level programming languages to get a basic foundation. In my next year, I learned more advanced topics such as microprocessor, automata theory and Database Management Systems. But I was excelling mostly in Database Management Systems. I started concentrating on its concepts and softwares that supports it. After studying for some time, I got a chance to work on a practical project with my teacher which was focused on the conversion of manual library catalog into a fully computerized Library information system.

During my last year in college, me and my classmates started a software development society known as Iqra Software Developers (ISD), where we focused on real life projects and organizational ambience. The more tangible benefits have been a deeper insight into software development in general and database designing and development in particular.

After my undergraduate, I joined Software Company where I worked as an entry level programmer. There I learned in depth about the Software Development processes, techniques for integrating your database within your application and database optimization techniques. I also learned how to work in team and to learn about the organizational behavior. This helped me in my personal development growth and learning business ethics. After 6 months, my project manager assigned me to a team of web developers who were working on an ecommerce website for an online shopping store. It was a totally new horizon for me. I worked on that project for 8 months where I learned about web development and different business modules and how they interact with each other. This experience motivated me to learn more about the business management and I decided to join business school

I joined Iqra business school to further broaden my prospective. There I learned about the different managerial skills, the contribution of technology in business and its role in decision making process. Most importantly that can improve the design and architecture of the software more efficient and sophisticated.

Now I would like to further extend my knowledge and pursue a MS degree from your university. The distinguished faculty and excellent facilities at your university make its graduate program ideally suited to my professional goals. The flexibility of the curriculum will give me the broad-based education I need to widen the scope of my knowledge and skills. The diversity of the student body will open my mind to new influences, new ideas and new ways of doing things. And your MS program will definitely provide me with these possibilities

Overall, this is fairly solidly written. Some minor fixes:

"to choose computer sciences as areas of higher study.

"I started concentrating on the concepts and software that support it."

"Most importantly that can improve the design and architecture of the software more efficient and sophisticated." Not much about this sentence makes sense. Revise.

Thanks for the reply. I will try to fix these points. More suggestions are also welcomed

I think you should write out the word six instead of 6. Also, the paragraph that starts with During my last year in college, my classmates and I started...

... this one is very short. You should develop it into a full paragraph of about four sentences, so that this experience is presented as a meaningful one. Try to get all your paragraphs to be full and complete, decisive like a clean cut with a samurai sword.

Also, "prospective" means you are checking something out. You meant to write about broadening your perspective.

Good luck!! This has good potential. I like how you get right to the point with your opening sentence.