I just wrote this for a phd admission, i'm not confident about it n its a above the word limit please help me look it over.
I would like to be a part of your academic program for many reasons, some which are the distinguished reputation of YOUR-INSTITUTION biomedical science dept, the clement geographic situation of your campus and the opportunity to get involved in the innovative research topics currently under investigation by your biomedical sciences department/faculty. Over the course of my undergraduate education, I developed a myriad of interests through courses focused on the impact of the recurring themes of history, the societal disharmony that birth much of literature, the exactness of element activities in chemistry, the implications of chemistry in lifeforms and the vast intricacies of nature depicted in microbiology and immunology. However, my intent to pursue graduate education is borne out of the investigative insight I received during my undergraduate research with Dr X at X College and my current masters thesis research experience with Dr Y at Y University.
My undergraduate volunteer/intern research experiences with Dr X were opportunities to transition into a research lab's independent work structure through peer collaboration and the use of intuitive judgments. The research activities where aimed at describing the activity of dietary aldehyde (cinnamaldehyde) and phenylarsineoxide on GLUT1 function and the importance of vicinal sulfhydryls in a proposed model of GLUT1 using mouse fibroblasts (L929) as insulin independent glucose uptake models. This research experience involved cell culture and maintenance, media and solution preparations, GLUT1-GFP gene construct cell transfections, fluorescence microscopy and the use of a liquid scintillation counter. During the course of this research, I actively partook in individual and collaborative experiment construction, conducting hypothesis driven experiments, critical literature review, data analysis and the presentation of research findings at a departmental meeting.
As a result of this productive experience and long consultations with my research mentor, I was convinced that I needed to pursue a PhD in order to professionally conduct research. Subsequently, I decided to pursue a thesis post-bacculerate masters degree at Barry University to work on the limitations of my academic record while increasing the breadth of my research experience. Through this program, I sought to acquire more research experience while integrating instructional academic activity with the creation of hypothesis based testing in my thesis. Currently, my masters thesis project at Florida Atlantic University is focused on investigating the efficacy of a combination of chemotherapeutic agents to increase chemotherapeutic activity. Using genistein isoflavone and topotecan in vitro in LNCAP prostate carcinoma hormone refractory cells, the study aims to achieve increased cancer cell proliferation inhibition with limited necrosis associated cytotoxicity. To achieve these goals, I utilize cell culture techniques, DNA isolation techniques in TUNEL analysis and ELISA instrumentation with differential staining procedures like ethidium bromide/acridine orange and rhodamine/propidium iodide.
My determination to pursue a professional career in research is as a result of the combination of these research experiences, my childhood experiences living in Nigeria, a sub-Saharan African nation rife with the occurrence of infectious diseases, and viral pandemics, and a specific academic interest in microbial pathogenesis and immune response formation. I believe these factors would make me a useful and creative addition to your program while providing me with an opportunity to acquire a significant depth of training. I am interested in your program because training received under the mentorship of your faculty would be valuable in starting a research career in the investigation of the molecular and cellular basis of infectious diseases, immunity and achieving my career goal of becoming a research faculty at an institution like yours or an active member of an infectious disease oriented research institute. After reviewing the structure of your student mentorship program, research rotations and faculty research topics in viral oncology, bacterial/viral pathogenesis, autoimmune disorders and immunity, I am confident that a probable opportunity to join your research team at YOUR-INSTITUTION would be a much-valued challenge.
I love this essay. Your English is great. Well not cutting down the word, since this was my understanding, is by maybe combining the last two paragraphs and cutting down on the numerous details of what you did in lab previously. Those details could be overwhelming to the reader. Hope this helps.
I would like to be a part of your academic program for many reasons, some which are ...---this is very good.
...the distinguished reputation of YOUR-INSTITUTION biomedical science dept, the clement geographic situation of your campus and the opportunity to get involved in the innovative research topics currently under investigati on by your biomedical sciences department/faculty. This part is not good, because it is too general. What are the topics currently under investigation? Talk about them specifically. Talk about the professors you want to learn from, and cite their articles.
... recurring themes of history, the societal disharmony that birth much of literature, the exactness of element activities in chemistry, the implications of chemistry in lifeforms and the vast intricacies of nature depicted in microbiology and immunology.--- this is excellent!
Your undergrad experiences are very good...
The research activities where were aimed at describing the activity of dietary aldehyde...
This is very strong, but talk about current events at the school, and cite the professors' work. :-)
thank you @ flavia n kevin for replying...i'm talking your inputs into consideration.
1 problem i have is the word limits, they say 500 but i'm already @ 612 give or take right now and i still have to specify the research/researchers that interest me...HUGE dilemma cos cutting out any paragraph could limit the whole story
NEW intro sentence..please critique
I would like to be part of your academic program because it is an opportunity to get involved in research topics such as microbial/viral activity, viral latency, and disease pathogenesis currently under investigation by the H, B, C and G teams.
I don't like this as an intro sentence. It is a good sentence, though.
Introduce the essay with a sentence that puts a certain concept in the reader's mind. Introduce the essay by introducing a concept. What concept inspires you to learn about these topics? What concept inspires you to be a medical researcher? Introduce the essay with a short sentence that gives a concept for the reader's mind to settle on.
:-)
your essay is great... but i feel that you could change the introduction slightly to catch the readers attention...
bets of luck with your admissions and hope you get into the university of your choice.. :)
