I plan to apply for the CEMFI but I don't have much confidence in my SOP.
I would be very happy if you could help with it and let me know how I can improve it. Thank you : )
Here's the prompt:
"a short text, of around 500-600 words, explaining their motivation and goals for the undertaking of this program. Applicants should also comment on how the program connects with their background, and with the overall orientation of their academic and professional careers."
My purpose for applying to CEMFI is to develop expertise in specific fields like development and policy analysis and become an economist in the future. The desire to work in these fields is in continuation with my research and work experience.
My initial interest in development came from a book called "China's Hidden Agricultural Revolution" written by Philip C. C. Huang. Living in a prosperous manufacturing city, I was quite interested in his description of China's characteristic rural-urban migration. I did research into this area and finished a paper about urban-rural income gap from the perspective of labor market distortion. Not only did I study the dual structure proposed by W. A. Lewis, but also I considered the informal economy in urban areas and built my own revised model by introducing the urban labor market segmentation between migrants and urban natives. In my opinion, labor market distortions and urban biased policies are the main obstacles to promote labor mobility and further to narrow the income gap.
This experience also made me aware of my limitations and therefore sparked my desire for graduate study. I find that the research process is really like the procedure of diagnosis and treatment, and in my opinion the best prescriptions are policy tools. Therefore, how to solve such economic inequity by making fiscal policies is one area that I want to delve into.
In this research, I realized the critical role of policy in development, but the seeds of the interest in public policy were sowed within me much earlier. In my freshman year, I carried out a summer practice project and visited several logistics parks. Surprised at the high vacancy rates in the policy-supported parks, later I grabbed the opportunity to be an investigator in a statistical survey on economic parks. While conducting questionnaire surveys and visiting over 100 enterprises, I discovered that policies would be more effective to adjust to more specific aspects, like locations and target industries. Taking the initiative to latch on these opportunities for real practice, I started to think serious questions and was gradually attracted by policy evaluation.
My interest seeds in policy and macroeconomic analysis started to germinate during my internship in Nomura International (Hong Kong) in summer 2015. I gave presentations every few days and used the valuation and other analysis methods to evaluate companies and interpret policies. I interned in Hong Kong from July to August, the period when Chinese government tried desperately to support stocks by policy tools after the market crash. It's enchanting to observe the incentives of external policies and the reaction of the financial market. The close touch with the fast-changing financial market let me realize that applied research and finance-related topics appeals to me more.
In future I want to pursue PhD and become a researcher in my aforementioned field of interests. The coming graduate study will be one of the deciding steps forward. CEMFI provides a variety of elective courses with great flexibility, and I notice there is a special attention to applied and policy issues, like the financial area. Since my academic interests lie in both economics and finance, CEMFI becomes an exceptionally appealing choice for me. And while the academics are breathtaking, what attracts me even more is the research opportunity and summer internship. I like economics' closeness to reality and I think CEMFI attach great importance to the students' practicality. In CEMFI, I will find the correlation between theoretical knowledge and the real life, and my education purpose through rigorous training and the various research opportunities.
Thank you for your kind consideration of my application.
Some grammar corrections first.
Surprised at the high vacancy rates in the policy-supported parks,
later I grabbed the opportunity later to be an investigator in a statistical survey on economic parks. It'sIt is enchanting to observe the incentives of external policies and the reaction of the financial market.
I think your SOP is well written. However, you can improve it by enhancing what your future professional goals are and how they are connected to your previous experience and CEMFI. Remember what the prompt says "how the program connects with their background, and with the overall orientation of their academic and professional careers." You are talking too little about the latter part. Also, I find your SOP to be a bit unbalanced as there are 3 long paragraphs talking about your interest in this major. You can balance your SOP by connecting your future goals to your motivation.
This is my personal opinion for your reference.
Hi Quian, I am in complete agreement with what Shiyun said about your essay. There is a lot of room to improve your statement of purpose. With all of the information that you managed to present in it, you actually presented very little in connection with the prompt requirements. One of the earliest changes that you have to make in your essay has to do with the way that you open the statement itself.
The first paragraph of your essay must always present two very important factors for the reviewer to consider:
1. What your current career is
2. The relevance of your masters degree studies to that current profession.
The reason you have to present those two immediately is because the prompt requires you to present your motivations and goals. That needs to be upfront because that is the whole basis of your purpose for higher studies. The reviewer needs to know that you are already a professional who is implementing the basic policies related to your interest in higher studies. Without that reference. He cannot be sure that you are really qualified for the masters studies that you are interested in pursuing.
A statement of purpose is most effective when it applies itself to the future of the person discussing the reasons for his higher studies. Don't dwell so much on the influence of the book. Keep parts of your internship experience, that provides the reviewer with an idea as to where your career might lead you.
Your closing paragraph is excellent. It really shows your future career path and how you see yourself achieving it. All you have to do at this point, is clarify your motivation and relate it to your academic experience and professional growth. Those are the weak parts of the essay at this point. Focus more on your internship experience and how it relates academically and professionally to your interests. That should help shorten and focus the essay.
Thank you so much for your time and all these suggestions !!
My purpose for applying to CEMFI is to develop expertise in specific fields like development and policy analysis and become an use any adjectiveeconomist in the future. The desire to work in these fields is
continuation to continue with my research and work experience.
I was not able to find any other serious mistakes.some sentence structures can be improved
Thank you for your help! : )
But I am trying to rewrite this sop to make it more specific and show my future career.
Good luck with your revision!