SOP Environmental Science - broad learning experience

Hi everyone. I have to keep my SOP under 500 words and this has proved very difficult for me. I finally got it under 500 but I have cut so much that I feel it has no flow. Any suggestions would help greatly.

Thanks!

fascinated with all science disciplines

My professional and academic experiences will serve as more than adequate preparation for the ESP program. I am seeking a career in the environmental industry that will make a real and lasting difference and I believe this program will springboard me into such a career. I am specifically interested in a career as an environmental consultant in an environmental management capacity. I believe the life experiences I have gained has helped me to realize my goal in life. I want to apply all the knowledge and skills I have learned to help protect and preserve the environment.

It has been a very difficult path for me to my goal of graduating college-attending one of the worst high schools in Texas, having a child as a teenager, and having to work fulltime after graduating to support my family. Sometimes I have felt the overwhelming burden of my environment and saw no hope for my future. Those feelings never stopped me from pushing forward and dreaming big because I knew that people were counting on me. I knew that my wife had come from similar circumstances, and that if I didn't do something with my life then my newly born daughter would be raised in the same environment and I refused to let this happen.

I joined the military in 2006 where I had an exceptional career as a water treatment specialist where I garnered leadership skills and the ability to work under pressure. After the military, I worked in the oil and gas industry where I supervised a laboratory and excelled by educating myself on the composition and chemical mechanisms of our products and analysis methods. It was in this role where I developed a fascination for environmental science and decided it was what I wanted to study after conducting research on fossil fuels and climate change. I currently work for San Antonio Water System as an Environmental Protection Specialist where I apply my technical experience and regulatory knowledge as it relates to water quality. I have worked on projects that include improving our lead and copper sampling and analysis program, studying the chemical effects of water chemistries in our distribution system, along with incorporating USGS' PHREEQC to calculate CCPP into our water stability analysis.

I am attracted to environmental science because of the interdisciplinary nature and broad learning experience. I am fascinated with all disciplines of science and appreciate how they all work together to form and govern environmental systems. Additionally, I am interested in the social, political, and economic aspects that are associated with environmental studies that all environmental scientists must be aware of. I have a passion for environmental science and am especially interested in the ESP elective courses as well as the intensive and international study courses. I am particularly excited about the possibility of taking the Environmental Restoration, Environmental Consequences of Conventional Energy Generation, and Bioremediation courses. I am delighted by the opportunity to continue exploring environmental science in your ESP program.

Justin, you made it clear that this essay is for a statement of purpose. Therefore, there are some elements that you need to remove and some elements that you need to add in order to make this a proper SOP essay. For starters, remove the personal information located in the second paragraph. The reviewer does not care about your being a teenage father and other things. All he wants to hear about is how your academic or professional career progressed to the point where you realized that the purpose of your professional career was tied in to Environmental Science. Make the paragraph about your military stint the second paragraph and then retain the rest of the essay. Add some information towards the end about why you chose to attend this university and how it can help you achieve your long term career goals. By the way, in the first paragraph, don't use the future tense. Use past tense instead because those experiences should have already happened for you by now, based upon the information found within the rest of the essay. Your essay is really good. It just needs to be tightened in terms of content and relevant information. My instructions should help you do that.