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SOP for Macquarie MBA must include points/info, work history, achievements, career goals, why MBA...


Marivanno 5 / 3 2  
Jun 28, 2015   #1
SOP must include points/info on yourself, your work history, achievements, career goals , why MBA , why MGSM and expectations from the program. Lines that are in italics aren't part of the actual essay but rather are just added for the reader of essayforum to understand what points expected by the school is being made by me through the essay

On Yourself
Studying for an MBA in this globalized world requires not only immense knowledge but also diversity in experience and thought. In this case, I am fortunate enough to have a background that is personally, academically and professionally diverse. Having grown up for 17 years in culturally and racially heterogeneous Qatar, I developed an outlook that is far removed from what is seen in India and the Middle East. My interactions with people from four corners of the world, including Arabs, Somalians, Americans, Scandinavians and Filipinos, taught me to value a person's character and intellect and not judge anyone based on race, appearance and sexuality.

Leadership Achievements
Being a leader is a role that I have experienced regularly since a young age. Supervising a team of 25 students and running school events as the Head Boy of my school, taught me how to manage people and resources. I further developed as a leader when I co-created and managed the Model UN event. This experience confirmed that I have the potential to become a manager who can implement the vision and roadmap of a product (my event), supervise the launch and successfully market that product. In my professional life, I had the opportunity to further refine my leadership skill when I mentored many new recruits in my project. I am the youngest person in the account who was assigned the role of supervising the work done by a new HP team based in Bangalore, showing the trust both HP and Mphasis have in my leadership ability.

Work history achievements and its relation to my career
During college I decided that after sufficiently experiencing the various aspects of professional life I would pursue an MBA degree. As an engineer, I was the youngest person to represent my team in an inter-departmental upgrade where I coordinated with 10 different teams in enhancing the European and South American supply chain. I have compiled technical details of various HP and client teams and trained my team in using those to streamline communications, thereby reducing interactions by 30% that allowed for quicker implementation of solutions. I personally maintained a minimum of 95% fulfillment of key performance indicators and proactively advised the team to make sure that 90% fulfillment of such indicators was met. I analyzed the major cause of the contract violations made by the team and advocated change in process to higher-ups, reducing the number of violations by 40%. Such achievements in my work showed that I can actively work as management consultant improving client project's performance and streamlining business processes. After working for four years I realized that the time is now right for me to study business.

Career -Long term
My passion for products that paved way for the Internet era and interest to know how a market grows around such products have motivated me to seek out a business position in the tech industry. I believe I am made for the role of SVP of Product in a major hi-tech company, where I can establish the company's strategy and direction for the product portfolio. Whether the products are used to manage smart cities in India or conserve energy through smart grids in USA, I want to influence my company to pursue economically feasible opportunities in sectors such as home automation, healthcare and green tech. As the SVP of Product I will need to work and empathize with different cross-functional teams, which include operations, sales, and finance, and engage them appropriately in the decision-making. To do this I require the knowledge of how business is managed across functions of a company.

Career -short term
Hence after getting MBA, I aspire to work as a consultant for a top firm such as Accenture. I hope to leverage the professional experience I have with the knowledge gained through MBA to work with hi-tech and IT industry clients, providing solutions for business problems, such as risks of acquisition, weak operational performance and low market share. My career as a consultant, solving issues faced across different functions in the industry, will help me understand the various nuances of managing different functions, thus helping me transition into the role of SVP smoothly.

Why MBA
But my profile has gaps that cannot be filled by continuing to work in technical roles in my current career trajectory. To attain my short-term goal I need to learn various aspects of business management, including finance, strategy and marketing, and further strengthen skills, such as organizational capability, analytical knowledge and networking skill, as the consulting industry requires business graduates who have an all-encompassing knowledge in these areas.

Why the school
MGSM's strong emphasis on core courses will develop my foundation on different functions, including finance and strategy. Since I never learned marketing before, the 'marketing management' will allow me to scrutinize the marketing issues and suggest new changes to the marketing framework, bringing in profitability to the product. The 'STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT' can teach me how to make visual representations of problems and provide solutions based on the data. The 'MANAGING SUSTAINABLE ORGANISATIONS' will enable me to provide profitable solutions as consultant to my clients that would also have positive social and environmental impact. 'MANAGEMENT CONSULTING AND RESEARCH' will allow me to analyze a company's problem and advise strategic solutions for it, providing the hands-on experience I require by helping me adapt the theories learned to different scenarios I will encounter as a consultant. Besides my experience handling clients and HP teams across five continents along with my upbringing among diverse groups of people in the Middle East will help me give a unique perspective in the classroom on various courses that are more global in nature, especially the 'MANAGING WITH A GLOBAL MINDSET'. My expertise in providing solutions to problems faced by customers in the supply chain network spread across more than 15 countries will allow me to provide valuable insights to those students, who come from non- IT professional background, when I work in syndicate groups.

Closing
I believe my interest to learn and develop business skills by utilizing the holistic approach to education at MGSM and willingness to contribute to the MGSM community will allow me to become a well-rounded MBA graduate and achieve my career goals as mentioned in this essay.

Usually length is one page in A4 and this essay draft is currently a page and a quarter. Since I got many points to answers I stressed a bit on each point. Do give a critique and let me know where can I trim some words and sentences
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 28, 2015   #2
I would be happy to help assist you by providing some feedback. I want to focus on the meaning.

Leadership Achievements: When you discuss the model UN event, you don't describe it in detail. Although it is good to list your achievements, I suggest that you provide more specific details in your SOP. What did you do at the event, because you compare it to a product? Since you are relating details in the past, change have to "had" when you discuss your potential. The last sentence needs a better transition. You could start the sentence by describing how working at HP was another experience that helped you develop leadership skills.

Work History: Since you have good information but longer sentences, I think it would be beneficial for you to use commas. In the first sentence, place a comma after college and life. There are missing details in your story because you discuss college life and then discuss being an engineer. You could correct this by stating that, I presume, "a MBA in engineering". Then state, "When I became an engineer,..." Delete "have" before compiled. I think you mean: "advocated a change in the process we used to handle those issues to management". Is that correct? Place "a" before management and a comma after consultant.

Change this sentence to:"After working for four years, I feel this is the right time to study business".

These are a few changes. I will suggest more later.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 28, 2015   #3
In order to change or trim your paper, you could combine your career goals. For example, you begin discussing your long term career goals then you discuss your short term career goals. This will greatly impact the length of your paper. You should start your discussion in chronological order by first stating your short-term goal and then progressing to the long term goal. For example, you could use the sentence that discusses how you plan to be a consultant at Accenture after getting a MBA degree. Then discuss how being a consultant will help you make a smooth transition to becoming a SVP. You can continue the discussion by stating you are made for this role in a major hi-tech company.

I know that some information can be deleted from your paper. However, if you really want to trim your paper, you could briefly mention how you want to begin your career as a consultant and then transition into a SVP role. Then discuss more details regarding your passion to be a SVP.

Why MBA: This is good information to include because it details why you need to obtain a MBA degree. My only concern is that having too many career goals may give the reader the impression that you are unsure of your career path. I think you should choose which career goal you want to emphasize the most. Since you mention consulting more, if you want to mention this career goal then you have to take out most of the information about being a SVP. You could mention that this is the right path that will help you eventually have a career as a SVP. This shows that you are thinking about upward mobility or being promoted in your career.*

I have given you many options to trim your paper, and I hope that you are able to decide what will make your paper better. A SOP focuses on achievements, career goals, and how attending the specific university will help you achieve your goals. You are doing quite well thus far!

Why the School: I think there is too much information in this paragraph. Focus on two or three areas of the program that you think will help the reader understand why you chose the university. Are some of these courses offered by other universities? If some of these courses are unique, then you could highlight or discuss those courses if they will help benefit you in your future career.

Closing: This is a good sentence, but it reads almost like a run-on sentence because there is too much information. "In conclusion, I'm interested in learning and developing business skills by utilizing the holistic approach to education at MGSM. My willingness to contribute to the MGSM community, will allow me to become a well-rounded MBA graduate and achieve my career goals."


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