English is not my first language. Please tell if you have any thought about this draft. Thanks a lot!!!
human pain point with exploiting technology
[0] We are living in an amazing era that technology can do all most any job, but technology is a lifeless tool and it can't solve problem by itself. Human is the center for solving problem for human. Being a designer means to solve problem new and useful. My dream is positively impact on global community in a way that solving the human pain point with exploiting technology. That's why I am applying []
[1] My story start long ago. I have parents who love art and travel which are unconventional in China. Growing up in such a family, I was always have a variety of restless thoughts. When I was in teenage, my school did a presentation contest for a propaganda tasks about socialism morality. I designed the presentation slide. Although this is a small task, I have put a lot of energy into it. while others use big chunk of red and yellow tone, my design was outstanding for the materials I arranged in and the fitness between the design and content without losing interest. Many students and teachers sincerely praised my work. That is my momentum for realize the value of being creative.
[2] Going to college, I never give up my passion for art. I took Studio Art for my minor when I was in Arizona State University. The principle of design that I learnt from art classes had helped me to perform great job in community service, such as decorating facet for local elementary schools or making posters and flyers for food banks. But I knew is not only about visual and I wanted to go beyond graphic. I study Psychology and Economics in Arizona State University. the Interdisciplinary study allows me to take a boarder perspective of human behavior, especiallyin decision making. In economics class, I used graph and math modeling to analyze, explain and predict individuals or market's behavior, while studying psychology, experiments are designed to study ourself as human unbiasedly. I had lots of fun in both subjects.
[3] I knew that theories worth nothing without practicing in the real world, so I actively participate in research projects that I am interested in at school. My favorite role is being a research assistant at Science of Learning and Educational Technology Lab where my job is to test their product, an online tool that teaches students how to write and learn better. Besides checked if the function is running correctly, I questioned about the interface design. I realized a design of button in a digital product can affected the user experience significantly, so I went on to learn more about cognitive psychology. Due to my foreign identity, I was particularly interested in culture cognitive difference and eventually wrote a research proposal for this topics. During the period, I found myself loved to talk about the product design, proposing ideas about adding ranking and social sharing features. I thought deeply about more human and technology relationships and realized that combining technology, conforming to human cognition will be the future of design.
[4] After graduating, I met my current boss []. She was developing an entrepreneurial project that to build a platform by blockchain technology, allowing everyone to post and share ideas that can change the world and also gives everyone the opportunity to make the idea a reality through participating and collaboration. I was amazed by her bold ideas and grit, so I joined her team, and fortunately got the opportunity to practice my abilities and interests. I am responsible for market planning, analysis and promotion, and participate in product design progress. In the process of researching app design, some of my ideas have been presented and affirmed, such as how the design visualizes the progress of the project. During this period, I thought about more human-technology relationships and made me very interested in user interaction and experience. In the end, I decided that I would turn human-computer interaction into my lifelong career.
For this purpose, I motivated myself to learn computer programming through Harvard online courses. Through all my adventures what I learned is that I knew very little, and moving forward, I envision myself finding a position within the same sphere of great problem solvers who connect humanity and technology to create the better world. In order to achieve the same, I must now add to my foundational knowledge how to take an idea from paper to a fully tested and usable digital product and also further embellish my intellect by finer more complex technique of digital product design. I believe User Experience Design and Information system Design pathway with its cross-disciplinary approach and an emphasis for projects based on the human-centered perspective and assistive technology is a good fit for me, because it will give me the opportunity to develop a project that build solution in a way that economic efficiently , user friendly and aesthetics satisfying, which would help me review my learning of the years gone by and be ready for my career goals.In terms of content, I think that your essay is excellent. It has provided a comprehensive overview of your background as an individual, a learner, and a professional. However, your essay can still be improved in terms of structure and grammatical composition. Let's take a look at a couple of key areas.
You have a tendency to compose sentences that generally do not make a lot of sense. The issue arises when you have sentence structures that do not conform to conventional language. Avoid using redundant words as well when you are trying to compose your sentences.
Let's take a look at your first paragraph. The second and third sentences cannot be comprehended fluidly.
I would revise these lines instead as:
Problems for humanity should be solved by humans themselves. Being a designer means creating solutions for new problems that emerge.
In your second paragraph, you had committed similar mistakes. Notice how your first and sixth sentence here should have been written as:
My story started long ago.
[...]
While others used chunks of red and yellow, my design was astounding. I had utilized materials that fit the content of the design, trying to retain interest in the process.
I have noticed that most of the mistakes that you had done were primarily because you had misunderstandings in the forms of the verb. What I suggest is you try to review once more on this to grasp more the fundamentals. Since this is more of a long-term recommendation, I would suggest that you try to use simpler sentences when constructing your essay. While this may not necessarily fix it, it can certainly help you evade some issues that you have when it comes to writing.
Let's look at your fourth paragraph. We can revise the second sentence here as:
She was developing an entrepreneurial project that aimed to build a platform for blockchain technology. This allowed everyone to post and share ideas to change the world, paving way for participation and collaboration.
Notice how doing small things like separating your thoughts into two separate sentences can make a huge difference when it comes to establishing clearer themes for your essay. Once you accomplish this, you can have a better hold over the direction that your essay will go.
Keep these in mind; and you're doing good. Best of luck!
