I am in the process of applying for masters in information system security. Could you please read my SOP and give me some feedback on it.
Thanks a lot for your help. I need all the support I can get to get into a good school.
Statement of Purpose - Masters of Information System Security
In 2016, Bangladesh, the country I have borne, faced one of the biggest cyber-attacks when hackers breached the security systems of Bangladesh Bank, which is the central Bank of Bangladesh and stole $101 million from the central bank account. This incident thrust Bangladesh government heavily towards building a secured "Digital Bangladesh" and encouraged to take more initiatives for further developing the IT sector in order to catch up with technologically advanced Asian countries like India, China, Malaysia, etc. However, these initiatives are facing issues such as the lack of technology transfer to all over the country due to a short of IT specialist. I strongly believe that having Master degree in Information Security Management from Concordia University of Edmonton will give me the qualities and capabilities to help overcome the technological and information security related obstacles in Bangladesh. I wish to be a proficient information security analyst and in the long-term venture into information security management consultation to help Bangladesh to stave off potential security breaches as well as help to raise information security related awareness in my country. A Master of Information Security Management from Concordia University of Edmonton would be the significant step in the achievement of my goals.
Information security permeates all aspects of society and has become critical to industry, government, and individual well-being, especially when the Coronavirus pandemic has created new challenges for businesses as they adapt to an operating model in which working from home has become the 'new normal'. Companies are accelerating their digital transformation, and consequently information security is now a major concern. Unlike technologically advanced countries, securing vital services and structures and the availability of trustworthy information whenever and wherever it is required, has become challenging for Bangladesh. It has also broadened the job window for information security specialists. So, having a Master of Information Security Management will provide me with the knowledge and theoretical background, as well as with the requisite skills and attitudes necessary to succeed in this challenging yet important field.
I strongly believe that pursuing "Master of Information Security Management" at Concordia University of Edmonton will be a major turning point in my career and will help to prepare myself to meet the upcoming information security risks of my country. I have found your esteemed university, known for its exemplary curriculum and great student facilities, especially for international students will be the ideal place for me to chase my goals. Additionally, I am eagerly looking forward to learning and discovering new topics such as Network Security, Application and Cloud Security, Cryptology, System and Virtualization Security, etc.
To conclude, I firmly believe that Concordia University of Edmonton will mold me into a leader in IT security field as well as will guide me to fulfill my aspiration of becoming an accomplished professional in the field of information security through my exposure to the best educators and professionals in the field.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
Remove the part that indicates you quit your job. It is enough to relay the information that you decided to go back to school. However, quitting your job to pursue a different career path makes you look like a quitter. It is not going to be good for your image. If you can put it in your own words, relay the sentiment that you "decided to change my career path" instead of "quit my job".
Your paragraph about why you chose to study at University of Edmonton does not tell the reviewer about any true specifics with regards to curriculum, work exposure, or technology in relation to the course you have decided to take at the university. Your statement is a blanket statement that practically says "insert university name here". It does not raise your profile as an applicant who is familiar with the course curriculum and available training programs a part of that learning schedule. Look more into the background of the course and how it applies to your future career goals and its applications in your professional setting.
My feedback after reading this is :
1. Add something more which motivated you to go into Information security field from being in Database Design field. The way you reflected the desire to change the career to IT security is abrupt and does not reflect real motivation.
2. Shorten your writing regarding business accounting course and your job as business accountant.
3. Mention your motivations to change your career path from accountant to IT technologies.
4. Mention course details and research field that you want to work in at the University you are applying in.
5. Mention any innovation done by the University researchers in IT security field or anything that motivates you to choose this specific university.
Overall it was okay, but you need to remove some less relevant things and need to add some motivations as mentioned above.
If you have any queries or need another review, you can mail me.