It all started 2 years ago when I returned to my country, Vietnam, for the summer break. When I was shopping at supermarkets, I was stunned by the fact that dairy products cost so much. For instance, in order to buy one 400ml container of milk powder a young mother has to sacrifice about 7 percent of her salary. Unfortunately, high cost did not reflect high quality. During my stay, the media reported the resounding case of contaminated dairy products. Those products contained chemical substances, such as melanine, which did kill few infants. I became obsessed with the fact that such a basic product is available only for a small percentage of society, and that this supposedly to be nutritious product turned out to be baneful. This is how the idea of establishing a business that provides dairy products, free of harmful substances and affordable in term of price, arose in my mind.
My intention to embark a dairy business in Vietnam has urged me to gain full understanding in managing and running a company. This is why I endeavor to enroll for the MBA program in CSUF. My Bachelor degree in Management and Marketing as well as four years of working experience, including two years in the managerial position, ensured me that I am well prepared to pursue the program. Working for T-GROUPE l.l.c, a textile and footwear intermediary company, I have proved that I am a quick learner and an exceptional self-motivator. Obstacles that I face as a sales manager have indicated that I am a good problem solver and an effective negotiator. Nothing can show it better than the fact that in spite the global downturn, my working team has contributed to the company's increase in sale. I admit it was not easy, because as the global crisis directly affected my suppliers, they became reluctant to provide products on credit, whereas supermarkets (our contractors) stuck to the policy of postpaid. The negotiations became even tougher as suppliers are of different nationalities and language constrains hindered our mutual understanding. My purpose of mention about my job is not to boost my success. All I want to emphasize here is that I am ready to face any obstacles that may arise during two-year studies. I also do not deny that I am far from perfection and still need to learn, but this is why taking the MBA program is so crucial for me and how supportive it would be when I have started my company.
While there was no doubt about choosing the major, finding a suitable university was my debatable concern. The decision of enrolling for CSUF resulted from my long research on numerous business schools. I have looked for the one that provides courses on high level, as I truly think that a solid knowledge significantly facilitates any manager's tasks. Looking through all objective opinions as well as students' reviews has confirmed me that CSUF renders this prerequisite. I also learned that Professors at CSUF are helpful, and that they teach courses in person, not like many universities, where classes are conducted by Teaching Assistants. Aforesaid qualities of CSUF even more assured me about the quality of the program. Moreover, the school is famous for the diversity of its students in terms of nationality and culture, and I am especially looking for to making new international friends. More importantly, I hope to share experiences with them and hopefully together we can create a business thread that can strengthen our future enterprises.
Furthermore, I am truly attracted by the business environment in the Orange County, and as far as I know, Fullerton, along with Irvine, is its business and financial hub. I also learned that the County is home to many Fortune 500 companies. The fact that the region is financially recognized means to me a lot. 'You're enlightened if being close to the candle, you become ignorant if moving away from it' - this is an old, Vietnamese adage and it is also my reason for pursuing to study in Fullerton.
With all of my genuine motives and intentions, I truly hope to be accepted and be able to join the CSUF association. I believe that the fundamental academic knowledge, new experiences, and lifetime friendship gained at CSUF will be my precious asset that will support me when establishing my dairy business.
The SOP presents some powerful ideas but you may need to refine it. Keep working at it.
Avoid: ... My purpose of mention about my job is not to boost my success.
There's no harm in mentioning anything to boost your success. Don't sound apologetic, an SOP should be confident! Of course you want to mention all your strengths to boost your success.
Also avoid: ..I also do not deny that I am far from perfection and still need to learn..
Try not to highlight your deficiencies, instead position your SOP in such a way that the MBA will take your skills in business to the next level.
Again: ..and that they teach courses in person, not like many universities, where classes are conducted by Teaching Assistants..
Don't compare. Ask yourself, why do you want to be in this university... and not why do you not want to be in other universities. You should rigorously remove any negative tone in your SOP.
Lastly, avoid excessive use of words like "hope", "believe"... these are slightly weak. Of course, you may use them.. but only when they seek to tone down over-optimism in a statement. Use phrases like, "I am sure", "I am confident", etc. In your SOP, you should come across as a strong person who believes he deserves a place in the university, not someone who's pleading to be accepted!
Let's use a semi-colon in this sentence:
My purpose for mentioning my job is not to boast about my success; all I wa nt to emphasize here is that I am ready to face any obstacles that may arise during two-year studies.
And this sentence should have fewer commas to make it less awkward:
Furthermore, I am truly attracted by the business environment in the Orange County, and as far as I know Fullerton and Irvine are its business and financial hubs .
This is going to be well-received. It's very impressive writing, and your reflection on the struggles people face is also impressive. Good luck, thanks for making our world better!
BTW, are you familiar with the work of Thich Nhat Hanh? Read his books!