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Specialist Hospital, Software Engineer - MPH Personal statement


sherinmary 1 / 1  
Feb 14, 2011   #1
MPH Personal statement

As a child I frequently visited the hospital where my mother used to worked as a paediatric nurse in the ICU. Visiting her patients and experiencing the services that the medical industry does for the patients has left an indelible impression in my life. I set my eyes in a field that combined the medical field as well as engineering. With this goal in mind, I chose courses in high school such as biology along with math which helped me gain my undergraduate degree in Biomedical and Electronics engineering. However, after graduating I pursued the software field which is currently the sunrise industry in India. After three years in this field, I moved to US and had the opportunity to take a fresh assessment of what I wanted in my life and this led me to change course to a goal of pursuing a career in the medical field. It encouraged me to take up a position as a volunteer in Westchester Medical Center, NY. The experience gained here has renewed my hopes and aspirations of working in the medical field as a health service administrator.

The field of Public health is a challenging field and requires qualified people to tackle intricate health issues. It is a diverse field which requires professionals from a variety of educational backgrounds and I believe that my undergraduate degree in Biomedical engineering as well as my work experience in the software industry will assist me in working well in this field. Although different from a medical career, I feel my work experience turned out to be an extremely valuable experience in shaping my professional values. Work ethics and professionalism were instilled in me along with a sense of comradeship with my teammates. It also gave me an opportunity to work with people of different cultures since part of the team was based in UK and Australia. The project dealt with financial banking software for a bank in Scotland, and so the importance of privacy and security were of utmost importance. I believe many of these aspects are just as important in the medical industry and I hope to take full advantage of this experience as I pursue my medical career.

Public health serves not just the local but also the international community, and I hope to use the knowledge gained here to enhance the medical care system in developing countries like India. Completing a course on Health Policy and Management would give me the knowledge and facilitate development of the skill set required to deal with the primary concerns of the fast changing field of health care. I consider working in this field to be a service to humanity.

As I am volunteering at Westchester Medical Center, I have had the chance to spend time in the New York Medical College campus. I got to attend an Open House for the MPH program arranged by the school and had the opportunity to meet the faculty from different departments as well as a current student. I am quite impressed by its experienced and intellectual staff as well as the fact that it is one of the largest private health sciences universities in the US. This school has long enjoyed a prestigious academic position among the medical community. I believe that the MPH degree in health policy and management from NYMC would help me gain a comprehensive understanding of the health care industry and give me a solid academic foundation to work in this field.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 16, 2011   #2
Hey, you make a good first impression with those eloquent sentences in the intro.

It is this impression that has led me to pursue a career in the Medical Industry. ---You should be more specific here. Don't be unnecessarily vague.

I always recomment three instead of 3 (i.e. the word, not numeral)
...than 3 three years working in XYZ (company) as a software engineer.

If you capitalize some of these words, capitalize all:
Career interest Interest and Goals: Having explored ...

Again here, do not capitalize unnecessarily:
The required credits in the Curriculum curriculum build ...

You are very impressive! I hope I helped.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 22, 2011   #3
It encouraged me to take up a position as a volunteer in Westchester Medical Center, NY. The experience gained here has renewed my hopes and aspirations of working in the medical field as a health service administrator.---I think you should move these sentences to the beginning of the second paragraph.

And it would be even better if you could cut these sentences and mention the volunteer work in a different sentence, because I think you are still over 250 words... and in these sentences you use a lot of words without accomplishing anything except to mention the volunteering.

Oh, I see that you mention the volunteering again later. Good. Cut the sentences above, because they are "fat" on the essay. They are not helpful.

So... that is how to trim away the fat.

Another way is to always cut "i believe"
I believe m Many of these aspects are just as important in the medical industry, and I hope to take full advantage of this experience as I pursue my medical career.---See? it is always stronger without "I believe."

Okay, please find time to help some other essayists and give them your ideas about their essays.

:-)
OP sherinmary 1 / 1  
Feb 22, 2011   #4
Thanks alot! Will help others too


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