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Personal Statement assistance for admission into graduate school for Speech Pathology

HopefulSLP 1 / -  
Dec 3, 2014   #1
Hi! I'm bringing this personal statement to my career center for revisions very soon but I thought I would seek help here as well! This is pretty rough. I'm having an extremely hard time writing about myself. Any tips, ideas, or constructive criticism would be so incredibly helpful! Thanks!

Guidelines: Provide a statement (approximately 500 words) that identifies your academic goals, career objectives, why you are applying to this program, and the qualifications you have that make you a strong candidate for this program.

Can you recall a time in your life when you met somebody who was unable to express themselves in any way? For me, that person was my cousin who has never been able to tell me his name, birthday, or even what he would like to eat for dinner. His name is Ryan and he is my motivation to become a speech language pathologist.

Being raised in a close family, I was constantly around my cousins growing up. Although nonverbal, I understand Ryan and he understands me. Ryan is not only nonverbal but he is also severely autistic. Watching him struggle through everyday life sparked my interest in the development of communication at a young age. One aspect of Indiana University that I find appealing is their therapy services towards autism. (EXPAND HERE.)

Ready to explore content I was learning beyond the classroom setting, I completed several honors projects and independent studies. One independent study gave me the chance to observe a speech language pathologist at a local elementary school. During this experience I was able to work closely with children with articulation and phonological disorders, Down syndrome, and autism spectrum disorder. These weekly observations gave me insight to a typical day as a speech language pathologist (SLP) and further developed my academic goals and career objectives. I aspire to become a certified SLP by earning a master's degree at a university that focuses on enriching clinical education and services. Indiana University has a mission to serve the community by advancing research in the field that I am extremely passionate about. I also appreciate their determination to train professionals, educate their students, and create outstanding clinicians.

Due to Indiana University's excellent clinical services, it is evident that the university's graduate students accomplish their career objectives and academic goals in this program. This is further proven by Indiana University's 100% employment rate following the first year after graduation of the clinical program graduates.

Indiana University has a lot to offer me, and I feel I have a lot to offer it in return. I feel confidence in the success I have had in my courses and I believe my hard work is accurately portrayed by my 4.0 GPA. I am a strong candidate for your program because... (I NEED MORE HERE) I know admission into the speech pathology program at Indiana University is competitive but I am not afraid of this challenge.

Each experience I have had has strengthened my passion to become an SLP. I possess the passion and motivation necessary to further my education in order to impact the lives of patients. I hope that Indiana University will give me the opportunity to fulfill my greatest potential and receive a higher education within their distinguished graduate program.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 3, 2014   #2
The requirements that you presented for this essay does not fall under a personal statement. Rather, it is a statement of purpose for enrollment in graduate school. Considering the basic requirements for such an application essay, I can already tell that your essay provides too much information for it. You have quite a number of unnecessary information in this version that you have to get rid of. You can already see how much shorter the essay will be if you simply answer the required portions of the essay. Here is a simpler version of the information that you need to include in this essay:

1. Your current work experience and how long you have worked in this field.
2. Your reasons for applying to graduate school (job promotion, change of career, etc.)
3. Your relevant work and training experience.
4. A short presentation of your college background. Concentrate on presenting your current training and seminars attended in relation to your current position and masters degree intentions.

5. How completing the masters program will help you attain your short and long term career goals.

Your current essay sounds more like a personal statement for enrollment in a college major instead of a statement for a masters degree application. A quick rewrite should fix that :-)

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